To want to hear from DH during the day?

It sounds like you need of support too. As well as your other half, have you pals in your area or that you can chat to you on the regular to share and download how you feel? My pal when she had her first child a lil while ago really felt alone and needed to have adult conversations - to share the daily ups and downs, the little things. After all it is the little things that actually are the glue of the relationship. As pals we chatted with her and let her blow off steam, shared what was happening wtc. Also, it sounds like if you don’t - maybe schedule in a date night once a month with your other half - to keep that connection going btw the two of you X

I work 13 hour shift as a nurse. I don’t text my husband to say I’m thinking about him, because I’m usually too busy!

I would definitely find it an ick if he turned around and asked me to stop my working day to tell him I was thinking about him. It’s a bit clingy…..

Are the children at nursery when you are at home? What does your day look like? I am guessing it's when you are feeling lonely you would like him to message, but as he's at work he isn't really going to be thinking of you and the kids. Do you have friends to meet up with and take the children out? Playgroups?

Also regarding the hospital did you not ring him when there? I assume this wasn't a routine appointment. This I do find strange that if your child was rushed to hospital he didn't tell work so he could at least come and take the other child home (as I assume you would have had to have taken the well child with you along with the poorly child which is not ideal for you or the hospital).

It really makes sense. You are doing the heavy lifting at home as he is in his employment. I tend to feel if my partner tells me and shares that they would like to hear a little more from me during the day at work, and if I can, I don’t feel this is unreasonable. You are at home all alone as an adult and I am sure your partner has pressures of work and is also the sole earner which is also a heavy load to bear, alone. It sounds like, when the two of you are able to, face to face, when you are relaxed just have a chat about how things are. Let him know how you are feeling and how a little message once or twice across the 12 hours he is away from you would make the difference to you. If he’s feelng stressed he may get defensive so take it easy. FWIW, when I commute I am out at 6am back often at 8/9pm. At times when too much I stay overnight too. On the commute back I love to message and talk on WhatsApp to my other half - it’s a pleasure. But. We are all different X

Ok, well that's clearly different isn't it. Obviously he should be in contact if you are in hospital, which I assume he knew

I think you are being a bit needy tbh. My husband works away two nights a week and we also have two preschoolers. I know what day he’ll be home and I don’t expect to hear from him. He’s busy travelling/working and then socialising in the evening. Those two evenings are his break from the kids and unless I need him I don’t contact him. If I did he would very quickly reply so it’s not him being irresponsible. And yes he does then give me an evening off when he’s home!

It depends really. I don’t message my husband during my work day unless I have something time sensitive to tell him & vice versa, we both have busy jobs which can be quite stressful, I’m not particularly thinking of him when I’m at work and nor do I imagine he is thinking of me- we’re busy!

Dh and I barely speak to each other in the work day or if either of us is doing something else. We tend to send each other pictures of our food and communicate about the kids but nothing else really

You need to just say you’d like to hear from him even if it’s just details about when he’s coming back. It’s nice to have some communication and 12 hours is a long day with preschoolers.

I I don’t think either of you is wrong, just different, but you can certainly expect more - if you ask him - since he’s not flat out.

If you know he works 7-7 I wouldn't expect to hear from him during that time unless something came up/he knew something was happening to check in on. I would expect him to message or call to say if he wasn't coming home. I would assume (and probably ask on the call if he said he wasn't coming home whether he would then be home at the usual time of 7/8 the next day or if he would be earlier). I don't think it's unreasonable for him to not be in contact throughout the day. What do you do when at home? You say the children go to nursery? Do you then work or are you at home?

It's not like people dont think about other things during their work data, not to mention you have the commute and breaks as well...

I went back to work when DS was one and DH looked after him- I did check in more then, but it was because I wanted to check on DS not DH!

That's understandable, can you tell him this, that you just need a little pep text so you don't feel alone in caring for your shared children.
I remember when mine were little, knowing when DH would be home was helpful in managing my stress levels.

This just seems needy to me. I only message anyone when I have something to actually say - not "good morning" or "love you" or "miss you", that sort of insubstantial nothingy message just annoys me - so even when I'm away for work I can go days without messaging DP. Also because I'm busy working! There's no need to be in constant contact without an actual reason.

I've been away for work since Monday. I did phone DH on Tuesday because the dog needed to go to the vet, otherwise I wouldn't have done.

Why do you need him to phone?

What do you want him to say?

Unless it's logistics dh and I rarely text, we keep the general chit chat to actual face to face conversations.

Yabu with regards to him texting you during the day - he's at work. Regardless of whether or not you have young children.

Yanbu with regards to him not telling you if he is coming home this eve. That's very different.

Very kindly, I think you are being unreasonable.

I know it’s hard when you’re at home with young DC - I’ve been there, but when you are at work, you are working. I work in an environment where I can’t have my phone with me. Very occasionally, if it’s super urgent, DH might email me but usually the only contact I have is on when we’re on our way home at 6pm to sort dinner.

What a sad marriage that sounds.

DH and I like talking to each other, just because.

YANBU, OP.

Sometime in the working day I realise it’s 3pm and I haven’t had time to eat or have a wee. Sometimes I’m in 6 hours of back to back meetings.

If DH wanted checkins for no reason other than to ask how they are I’d be unimpressed. Im at work. I feel like peoples expectations have gotten worse since lockdown when everyone was home.

When I’m in the office or away overnight I check in because I want to know how everyone is but also I know that being home with a 18mo and a 3yo is hard. I don’t think YABU but equally if he has a difficult and stressful job I also get it… could you gently raise it with him without it seeming like an attack? Something like - I know you’re busy but I’m home with the both the kids and even a quick message to check in really cheers me up and makes me feel less like I’m on my own.

eta - do you send him pictures and updates from your day? My DP does this (not loads but the odd picture etc) and I love it!

You're not anything like a single parent when he sometimes has an overnight stay.

Being a single parent is, from the people I know who have done it, a case of knowing that there is never, ever going to be somebody coming back in twelve hours or tomorrow evening. It's all them, all their responsibility, all the pressure, all of the bills, nobody to tag team or bounce ideas off at 11pm or 6.35pm on Sunday, no respite and no end for the next 18 years.