To want to hear from DH during the day?

I very much feel you very much do NOT feel like a single parent unless you are actually one! 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

I think he should be in touch more to support and check in with you, especially while you have such young kids, especially if it’s important to you.

See this would be an issue. Why couldn't you get hold of him? If you couldn't contact his mobile can you not call an office number?
What did you do with your other child?
I get him not wanting general chit chat while at work, which is why I wouldn't be calling and messaging him without good reason, therefore if he did spot a message and multiple missed calls from you he would then know it's something serious (and not just a I miss you call).

Myself and partner just do our stuff during the day and then catch up when we see each other. "Checking in" throughout the day would annoy me. Very needy.

OP is an adult and understands working. Her husband is working long shifts plus OT and she's bored stuck at home. But her boredom isn't his problem and he shouldn't have to soothe her when he's working. She needs to address her feelings with her husband when he's off. In some jobs, it just isn't possible to chat or he might not be in the headspace for chatting.

I have worked 18 hours on and 6 off to sleep and back on more than once and I know a lot of people who pull a ton of overtime for the money. I know a lot of people who get called in before their shift and asked to stay after.

This almost sounds like the thread where the husband was calling the wife at work frequently about nothingburgers like the dog farted.

Depends upon the role, I guess. I figure that the commute is when people are driving or sardined up in a bus or train carriage, so can't use a phone and the last time anybody I know or work with had an hour's lunchbreak with somewhere to sit undisturbed and start texting was about 2007.

In any case, if you text or call during the day, what on earth do you have to talk about when you get home? It's all been said by then.

He's working. You want him to interrupt his work to send you messages. About what, the work he's not doing because you're bored or needy? He's not thinking of you, he's at work. Let the poor guy do his work in peace without having to pacify you while he's supposed to be working.

As a single parent myself, you may feel like one but you are not. Stop with the pity party.

I think it’s perfectly normal to have chit chat through the day between partners - not exactly “how are you/is your day going” but more along the lines of “what do you fancy for dinner” or discussing the kids/dog. There’s rarely a day when we don’t have some inane text chat about something.

Not letting you know if he will be home or not is simply appallingly bad manners.

Same with not having any contact when you were in the hospital.

I don't expect DH to message multiple times a day when he's working as it's not practical in his line of work, but I expect basic manners. That is not asking too much.

It sounds like it isn’t the check-in’s that are the issue, it’s the lack on consideration for you and his failure to let you plan properly.

I don’t really care whether I speak to DP or not in the day, we do a bit and it’s a mixture of odd jokes and logistical discussion. But if he didn’t I wouldn’t really mind. We love one another and I don’t need constant reassurance of this.

But if he was failing to keep me in the loop about things which have an impact on me I would be pretty cheesed off.

As somebody whose husband was abroad all week every week for thirty years, and where I sometimes couldn't keep up with what country he was in day to day, this sounds ridiculously self indulgent. I worked full time in a professional career.

I appreciate I am an extreme case, but you presumably chose to have these children. It gets easier, get a grip.

Two factors that made me click YANBU: two small children and the fact he doesn't ever reply. You can bet he has breaks - he should use those to reply to practical stuff for sure. Same with telling you when he'll be home if that isn't certain. I expect that from my partner and we don't have kids.

In terms of the more emotional stuff, is it that he just doesn't show affection through that kind of thing? This is both harder to change, and more of a case for compromise. If you're lonely during the day (totally fair!) are there other people you could text or perhaps see? Or could you get comfortable with him not initiating messages but agreeing to reply on one of his breaks?

It also sounds like you're taking on the bulk of the child-rearing, which is a very different kind of imbalance and one you may want to renegotiate or get some more help with, if you have the resources to. If not, maybe he can have a limit on overnight stays or do more at weekends?

It would honestly never occur to me to text DH during the day unless I had to tell him something, lol.

Did he know you were in hospital??

Lots of patients don't have people on hand to bring stuff!

It would never have occurred to me to message my late husband during the working day. Work is work and that's what you focus on. If he'd asked me to message just so he knew I was thinking of him, I'd have wondered what was the matter with him. I'd find that incredibly needy.

The only thing I find unreasonable from your husband is that he doesn't bother telling you if he's going to be home or not. That's basic consideration. You need a conversation about that. When you message him to ask that, does he just not bother answering?

I don’t think it’s at all unreasonable to want to know if he’s going to come home that night.

I don't think it matters much what other posters think.

It's important to you, and that's ok. If your husband knows that it means something to you then I think he should make every effort to send you a brief message occasionally.

There is always a few seconds to send a message- I manage it when I need to and my work is full on with back to back appointments, but there is always a free minute to send a message at some point in the day.

It's not needy to want a brief message from your husband who works long hours and travels a lot. It just lets you know that they are thinking of you.

On MN you will get people telling you that they go days without messaging their partners, and if it works for them, great. It's not wrong to want different.

Christ when did feel they had to talk even if they have nothing to say. How did your grandparents manage...and yer great grandparents with grandad in Burma cut off from the world for 5 years?

I don't think this is unreasonable. Most people can actually use their phones at work so intermittent messages would be nice. DH text quite a lot during the day with jokes, photos etc though if one of us is super busy we'll say so and crack on.

The hospital situation is very different though. Did you message to tell him you'd had to go to hospital and just got no reply? I'd have been ringing his work land line and saying I needed to speak to him in that case.

Why sad? We started our working lives pre mobile phones..when I’m at work, I work…we have our breaks at different times.We chat plenty in the evenings

If I talked or even texted my DH during the day, we would have nothing to tell each other when home🫣.
But I always had a rough idea when he was due home.
When I’m at work I get irritated by texts unless is important.
But if it’s important to you he should make an effort especially for someone you love.

Wouldnt bother me at all

YANBU…A simple text of “I hope you and the children are having a good day?” Costs nothing and goes a long way.

I’m sure all of those who say they are so busy - make time out to scroll on their phones in their lunch break.