To be sad about reasons behind niece’s choice

They may well miss having a dad, especially if they have friends with loving involved fathers.

She's too young to do this imo. I was still making very immature and selfish decisions at this age.

I agree that it's a wise choice. I've always said to my daughter to only have a child if she would be content to bring up that child on her own as you never know what will happen with a partner. She is doing what she wants with her life and that may seem non-traditional to some, but it's great that she has chosen this path carefully for herself and her child.

If people routinely waited for complete development of their frontal cortexes before having babies, the human race would never have gotten* off the ground.

*I'm Scottish - sod off, haters.

Mibbes she's been on here, reading AIBU?

Yes the ideal for kids is having two parents who are happily married/long term relationship and don’t separate, but realistically how many kids actually have that for their whole childhood?

Most people I know who have kids are either separated from the dad (who a lot of the time is useless) or in toxic relationships. Just look at a lot of the posts on here. I don’t think you should assume a child will suffer just because they are donor conceived or won’t suffer because they’re not.

Why does this make you sad? If it’s something she’s always wanted to do, it sounds like a plan. Of course she’s being forced to do it earlier than planned but it doesn’t sound like it’s out of nowhere.

I am a single parent and by far the most difficult/stressful/traumatic thing about single parenting is having to make decisions with a giant fucking man baby aka my ex. (He didn’t display any of these behaviours pre parenthood I should add, they all rose to the surface when he had to prioritise someone else other than himself so it’s not a case of “picking someone decent to have a kid with”).

I say keep keeping your opinions to yourself. A very small percentage of children are on the receiving end of a picture perfect upbringing in a comfortable household where mummy and daddy are great selfless parents and love each other very much. Everyone else is wrangling some sort of bollocks. At least your niece’s child is being born to one parent who desperately wants and loves them, that’s a pretty good start.

I Also agree with a pp who said your niece has probably given you a simplified version of what she’s doing because it’s much too big a topic to unpack with an aunty you’re not even that close with. I suspect you’ve got the Not Too Close Extended Family version of whatever is going on.

There is no reason why a 23 can't properly think this through.

It is a very modern phenomenon for women to wait until their thirties before becoming mothers. Fifty years ago, the norm in many communities was to get married and have your first baby before the age of 25.

I did read that having a child at 35+ is equivalently risky to having one with a 1st cousin, so 23 could be considered a more sensible age to have a child.

I think it’s bloody wonderful that she’s got the choice.

Expecting women to forget about children in order to pursue a career is not that far removed from expecting women to forget about a career in order to have children. When a woman is making choices for her future based on what she wants, rather than what is expected of her, then that’s a success story.

I think it is an unusual choice, but not a bad one. By the time the baby is born, she will be in her mid-twenties, so not that young to have a child. Her life won't end because she has a baby, she will have to change her ambitions and plans around the baby, but presumably that is okay with her because she wants this so much. As other posters point out, having a partner is not always a help and carries its own stresses with it. In any case, having a child doesn't mean she will be single forever, so she may well find a partner later, but without the strain on feeling time is not on her side when it comes to having a child. So all in all, and assuming she has really thought it all through, then I think good for her.

You really think all 23 year olds properly think through the full and lifelong ramifications of becoming a parent?

Why? My children are far more interesting and fulfilling than my job and I have a pretty interesting and fulfilling job.

You are absolutely unreasonable. I have had a donor conceived child and don't regret it. This doesn't mean if haven't had or won't have relationships. As you said it is none of your business how your niece live her life or the choice she makes. You may want to investigate why you are sad and support your niece in her choice, especially if you want to forge a relationship with her.

I'm sorry, but I had a chuckle at doner [ke]baby 😄

It’s such a difficult situation, but it really is her choice.
one thing though, it won’t be only her baby. It will have half of someone else’s DNA and that will impact in many ways.
also, having positive male role models may not compensate for the sense of loss of identity which can be devastating for some children of donors.

That’s utterly ridiculous. She has a medical condition. If she waits to meet someone, establish a relationship, hope they want children as soon as soon as possible then try to conceive naturally, she could miss her window of having children at all.

Look on the relationship boards and read the dozens of threads where one parent has decided he doesn’t want to be a dad anymore and buggers off to relive his youth with another woman.

Her children are never going to feel that they weren’t wanted, or that there was something wrong with them that meant their dad didn’t love them.

She’s not selfish.

Mind your own bloody business.

Having children is more important to her than a relationship.

I know plenty of women who got into/still in relationships purely because they wanted children.

I think accepting this and doing it on your own is very brave.
It doesn’t mean she needs to be single forever, but her partner would have no parental responsibility.

I would be upset if she’s planning on doing it soon though as she seems very young to choose to be a single parent.

So because you had no idea what was coming, she can’t possibly have?

I was 34 when I had mine, I had a good idea what parenting involved.

I’m married with children, but know so many women who raised children as single parents, as their marriage or relationship ended when their children were still young.

They almost all say it’s so much easier than doing it with a male partner!

Ah sorry OP I just realised your niece has health issues also so maybe doesn’t want to wait. I conceived naturally at 29 with Fibroids so there is hope.

She’ll be better off than many on Mumsnet.

I wouldn’t judge or be disappointed.