Why get engaged if no plans to marry in the foreseeable future?

I agree op.

When we got engaged it was because we were ready to get married. DH asked in June. Between June and November I organised a wedding and chose a ring. When the engagement was announced, the ring was on my finger and when people asked when we were getting married I could say: day, month, next year, at 3.30pm. It's all sorted.

Come on, many women wouldn’t want to be a pregnant bride. Also SMP doesn’t stretch very far so you’re having to subsidise living from your savings.

Their life, their choice.

I don't understand not getting married just because you ate pregnant though.. . Surely the extra financial protection before maternity leave, part time hours or a period at home (if that's what they chose) is more important then.

I guess simple answer is because they want to.

To be fair I imagine a lot of people are in this boat now because of

1. covid
2. crazy cost of living increases in the last 5 years

If you got engaged 5 years ago you could have at that time been able to put away some money each month for a wedding but now that mortgage/rent is up, utilities are up, food shopping is more expensive, suddenly that’s impossible.

Yes, the original meaning was "engaged to be married", instead some couples now interpret it as you said as a stage of commitment.

We didn't even get engaged, we made a decision to get married, and 4 weeks later we were!

It's a "shut up ring"

Cousin recently got engaged (27), they have little savings and went to view venues but thought it was all too expensive and not going to make any plans now as they can't afford it.

This seems perfectly reasonable to me. They want to get married, can’t afford it yet, so are waiting. What do you want them to do - formally break off the engagement because they haven’t set a date yet?

This is like the reverse of those ‘he won’t propose to me’ threads where everyone piles on saying ‘if he didn’t propose within a few months he doesn’t want you’. There is no particular timeline that works for everyone’s situation. Some people push for proposals are they’re nice and a ‘sign of commitment’ but then have no actual funds to have a wedding they envision. Some people hold off to have the means to do it and get called unreasonable. It is what it is

True.

Or sometimes it’s sticking plaster when the relationship already has cracks. Like getting married or having a baby can be.

This^
By the way we were engaged for about 18 months before marriage but it was in good olden days when weddings were a bit simpler - we didn’t even get engagement rings and we struggled to organize a hen do for work and money reasons so we went without.

At the moment the expectations are much higher - I know you can do it in a budget way but there are lots of expectations and it feels like you are missing out if you don’t do this and that so I’m not surprised that people wants to show their commitment with engagement but then struggle to save for a wedding.

I think for some (younger) people it’s a ‘stage of commitment’ like ‘being exclusive’ or ‘living together’, rather than an antechamber on the way to marriage.

I mean, I’m married and have never been engaged.

Each to their own.

Fall in love, get engaged.

Decide to prioritise house deposit, takes longer than expected As big deposit needed and houses are expensive.

Ready to have kids and prioritise that over expensive wedding.

Wait till nursery fees are done and wedding more affordable.

I dont know anyone who saved for a wedding before getting engaged. Dh and I were lucky with low house deposits and met young so didnt want children for a few years.

6 year engagement for us. It hasn't happened yet because he wants the wedding and I've told him he needs to organise it. I'd just be happy with the signing of the register.

Why not get engaged? I wasn’t aware there was a time limit.

My sister got engaged then a year later fell pregnant then 3 more kids followed and money was tight and they had responsibilities etc so marriage went on the back burner. They finally got married last year after 14 years of being engaged. Life happens, just go with it.

I got engaged in Jan 2022 while we lived in a rented flat. Around £200 spent on ring. We wanted to wait until we had bought our house and got settled in, which we have just done and been there 6 months now. Now planning to marry Jan 2026.
For us it was about the fact we were very focused on saving any money possible for a house first rather than using it on a wedding. Even the ceremony alone costs £££!

I’ve been engaged for a while and I’m certainly not young. The wedding is going to be put off for longer then we thought for various family and budget reasons. DP and I have large families and so we want a big wedding. They cost money. I like being engaged. My engagement ring is sentimental and I like the commitment. Why do you care?

Obviously it is one of those live and let live situations. But I feel like a lot of couples use engagement as a way to prove they're more serious than non-engaged/married couples. One of my colleagues has been engaged for 25years and I gave to say that I internally giggle when she talks about her fiancé instead of partner.

Loads of people put loads of stuff off all the time. Not just weddings.

How many people do you know who are "looking to buy"?

We got engaged in 2019, was renting at the time so a house deposit took priority for savings and then covid happened. We eventually got a mortgage and then after a year or so in the new house got pregnant and had a baby. All the events that happened after the engagement seem to out weigh the need or want of a wedding.

Completely agree. Perfectly fine to not be bothered about marriage - but to want all the fuss of engagement with no real intention of a getting married… makes no sense!

Also know a few of these couples and sometimes it seems like they think engagement makes them more ‘serious’ or ‘official’. They also tend to go on to have kids. A lot of them end up breaking up or living separately indefinitely.