Why get engaged if no plans to marry in the foreseeable future?

Why not do it? You’re agreeing to make a long term commitment to each other, both sides know what they want out of the relationship, it’s is good to have that settled in your mind.

I’ve never been in a long term relationship (say 5 years +) with someone, is there ever a point in those relationships that a couple sits down and says “I want to be with you forever” which doesn’t involve being married? Otherwise the relationship would be a bit up in the air, wouldn’t it?

I imagine people do it to show an extra level of commitment and promise to each other which exceeds being 'just' a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend'.

Live and let live I say.

Who is "joyless" on here? People have different opinions, that's all.

I think engagement has a different meaning nowadays. For some people, it's still an "engaged to be married in the near future" meaning but for a lot of people, it's now pretty meaningless and is literally just a man buying his partner a pretty ring usually followed by showing off on social media.

I agree with a pp that it's embarrassing when people use the term "fiancé/fiancée" for their boyfriend/girlfriend of 10 plus years.

Life happens and there's always going to be a job loss, unexpected pregnancy, etc but if you're engaged to be married, you just book the registry office and get married. If you can't be arsed, then it's fine to not be engaged and stay in the relationship.

I know some people see it as a sign of commitment but I don't understand that. All it does is show people that your boyfriend likes you enough to buy you a nice ring. If it's not backed up with a date to get married then it doesn't really mean anything.

I got engaged and then married a year later however my personal view is that people are barmy to have children and THEN get married. Surely that is the wrong way round. And dont get me started on people who dont do wills either, have children and are not married.

They are massively exposed and whatever you think about marriage it gives you financial benefits that you really dont get if you arent.

My relative has a complex situation whereby she was living in another country with her boyfriend (who she called her common law husband!). He had children from previous relationships. She never didnt have any. No wills - just nothing. She then came into some inheritance and that pushed her into sorting herself out.

When I talked to her she seemed to assume that because she had been with her partner for nearly 30 years if the worst happen she would just keep everything and vice versa.

There’s a lot of pressure to have a big wedding which is so expensive. I think some people don’t want to give up the idea of a big wedding but then don’t want to have to pay for it either as other things are more of a priority. I had a tiny wedding (12 people) with registry office and a meal and it still cost about £2500. We could have waited and gone big but I want an extension instead.

Mumsnet can be so joyless. I presume it's a promise to each other, a declaration of intention, a declaration of love. It's a lovely harmless thing between a couple really isn't it? Not everybody has to rush to the altar like a pregnant woman in the early 1900s.

With very few exceptions when people say there is no need for marriage, one wants to and the other is keeping their options open.

Open ended engagements work much the same way. One can be happy they are engaged but actually there is no commitment.

What a fucking prince.

It seems to be taxing quite a few people judging by this thread. Strange when it literally has no impact on anyone apart from the couple concerned. Oh well.

He left her for someone else after having 2 kids with her

Why is this taxing you so much?

A family member got engaged on her 2ist birthday. Over 40 years later they're still together but never married.

Calling somebody your fiance/fiancee thing makes me cringe a bit.

I don’t get it either I’d rather just go into the registry office and get it done rather than be engaged for years on end. Then again I think marriage is more important than a wedding I had a small enough wedding which would have been even smaller only for my husband wanted a bigger thing.

YANBU. It’s so pointless.

People are either in a relationship, or they are people who are actively planning a marriage/wedding.

They are two very different things.

Proposing and putting a ring on a woman’s finger does not make you any different to any other couple unless you’re actually making plans to marry each other.

Yeah, that’s just future faking. I’d walk.

Yes, we've seen that on these threads a lot!

Also adding to my comment. It’s only an issue if the man proposes with no intention to get married soon. My friend got engaged, excited to start wedding planning, for her fiancé to tell her actually he didn’t want to get married until his mid 30’s (10 years after proposing basically!!)

If you want to get married, you get married. Life happens to everyone, but I think if you put it off for years, there's a reason..
That said, nowadays it doesn't really mean anything much, so a state of permanent engagement is a choice.
I never got engaged, we had no money for a ring. We just got married. It's all what works for you.

I’m going to start off saying everyone is different, some people like the engagement but aren’t in any rush to get married. Some people are happy to wait 5,6,7,8 plus years before getting married. That’s fine.

Things happen, you get engaged after falling in love then you get pregnant - you suddenly don’t have the funds to have the wedding you want so put it off, you prioritise a house etc

My opinion, is that I never wanted a long engagement. My DH knew this early on. Of course things happen, but I always knew I only wanted to be engaged if we would get married soon after. Some of our friends had been engaged for years, and I knew that wasn’t for me. We were engaged and married 6 months later.

Being engaged means you agree to marry someone. It doesn't mean that they agree to marry within a specific timeframe - some people do it quickly and some people don't. People are different.

My friend got engaged ten years ago. They couldn’t afford to get married for a while, she didn’t want a quick registry wedding (not saying she wanted to spend a fortune, just not completely basic). Then by the time they’d saved they had a household disaster and needed a new bathroom, then the roof needed fixing, then his kids went to uni and needed money. And so it went on. And by now they’re just fine as they are. But even if it never led to a marriage it was a commitment to them anyway. Can’t say it bothers me that they didn’t.

It was 2 years for us and we were starting to get flack about were we ever getting married - we'd been together 6 years before engagment - and wanted more but were in different parts of UK.

I think we both needed the extra commitment - but it took DH job changing and me having issue with my work - not bad just them being very demanding - for us to think fuck it and set date and move to new location and marry.

Took another 2 years after that to start on kids we'd both said we'd wanted near start of relationship.

It was a very basic wedding just close family and registry office - and we paid for it and tried to keep costs down as saving for house - that took till after first two kids.

I think Dsis twice got enagaged - as relationship was in trouble and twice had accidental pg - ended up single Mum both times.

I think everything gets stretched out as everything costs more so it's started to be seen as a stage all by itself.

I think sometimes a very long engagement happens when people can't think of anything else to do for birthday/Christmas/valentines day or there will be a relationship where one party is mentioning marriage a lot and the other isn't ready for the commitment so they agree to get engaged to kick it into the long grass.
I understand unforseeable life events can happen such as covid but I don't see the point in getting engaged unless you're committing to be getting engaged to be married.