To ask if anyone has any experience of DC moving away for college (not uni)

Maybe read all of them?

Yes he could join the army.
He would still have a home in the UK to return to.
In the army he would still have a number of adults who would be responsible for him.

I’ve only read OP replies not all of them but he could in theory join the army so I’m not entirely sure why people are so ‘how could you abandon your son’

however, if a reason you have to go is because you don’t trust your husband then that’s a pretty crappy reason to go and you should maybe have a think about that.

Yes I am aware of how far it is and yes I am sure they have the opportunity to go home or are they all turfed out at 16 never to return?

So the kids at the college coming from Falkland Islands have the opportunity to go to a " home " base every half term? Do u realise how far away it is?

Rtft.

Yes we know it happens, but the child will still have a family base, this one won't and mum will be in another country with her husband because she doesn't trust him.

Loads of kids do this.

1. There are 11-18 state boarding schools all over the U.K.
2. Falkland Islanders all go to Peter Symonds sixth form college in Winchester as boarders.
3. Island communities like the Isles of Scilly send their children away for college.
4. Some sixth form colleges take international students, who lodge nearby. They come on student visas.

There are a couple of people saying '16 year olds choose to live in college all the time and they're all fine' but surely this situation is different? He is only considering it because his parents are moving abroad slap bang in the middle of his teenage years and education. He's not following a vocation he's doing it as he has very little choice.

My friend's daughter is 16 and in ballet school in Brussels. This is in no way comparable to the OP's situation. The daughter has chosen her path and her parents fly out regularly to see her. She also has a home, with her own bedroom with her mum and dad.

Your self respect and self esteem is on the floor op, and I am very sad for you.

you have posted here desperate for people to give you anecdotes where their 16 yr old doing similar is fine, so that you can continue to bury your head in the sand.

you know these anecdotes regarding 16 ye olds following their passion have absolutely nothing to do with your own situation, but you can handle the mental jump to pretend they do.

this is awful op. Absolutely awful.

you don’t want to accept your husband is a selfish cheating man who has zero respect for you. ‘Struggling with infidelity’ ?!? Come on now.

what you should do -

1. get some self respect
2. divorce this cheating arsehole
3. get a smaller house with your son

Did the OP say he was doing A levels? Could be a vocational course

I agree, I actually feel sorry for her and her son.

I will add though, I’m sorry @AmpleDenimDreamer but if you think the only way for your husband to not be unfaithful is to monitor him 24/7, it’s a losing battle.

I said “the equivalent of college” so I wasn’t in the UK. I will agree though that my country doesn’t have the drinking and drug culture they have here so that was a bonus. We did go out and got drunk but nothing extraordinary. Uni was far more “dangerous” in that sense.

Like I said, rural area - my mother was about 2 hours away yes, but a few had their parents abroad as they worked seasonal picking jobs to be able to provide.

I haven’t read through the motives of OP because that wasn’t the point of my comment: the point was to say that it happens and plenty/most young people are fine with it. I loved it, to be honest. My grades improved, even. It depends a lot on the maturity of OP’s child and how badly they want to stay.

OP, where are all your sons belongings going to be? You know, his bed, desk, bedroom furniture, personal stuff, clothes etc...? Because pretty much any kid who goes to boarding school, rural college, uni etc still has a home to go back to during holidays where all their stuff is and where they can see their friends and hang out?

It's kind of essential to help ease the transition from being a child to becoming an adult.

“Surviving”
”emerging unscathed”

aren’t benchmarks for how I’d like my children to emerge from teen years

@AmpleDenimDreamer who is going to supervise your husband when he is at work? Going to the supermarket? Walk? Golf? Gym? Dr for a check up for this condition that means he has to be supervised at all times? Yet he can hold a job down and find time for an affair!

I don’t think anyone is suggesting he won’t survive. I think people are saying that, given the choice, they might prioritise their son’s education over a faithless husband.

Honestly OP, this kind of makes no sense. You say you need the rent from UK house to pay rent on Overseas house but you also say boarding school is an option, which unless it's a state boarding school it's probably not, based on cost. Also you've now got the costs associated with your DS's accommodation/ living expenses which you wouldn't have if you just stayed here.

There is also a massive massive difference in supervision levels between VI form boarding at a school and what you're proposing. Boarding schools generally don't let them out on weekday evenings for a start and there still a fair bit of structure to downtime and a lot of pastoral support./ boundaries around behaviour. Does the college your DS would attend actually have any jurisdiction over what they do when living in the halls?

My DC go to boarding school, so I'd probably lean more favourably to your proposal than most, but honestly, I think this is crazy given what you've said about the set up and your DC's personality. I think there's a big risk that he either drops out or massively underperforms.

Thinking about this again, I’m incredulous that you’re even thinking this but it sounds like you’ve your flight tickets booked! In effect, you are casting your DS aside, taking away his family home and abandoning him. It’s nonsense to say, he can come with us if he likes, it’s his choice to stay. You know full well that very few 16 year olds would want to upsticks and go live in a different country.

Where’s your DS to live during school holidays ??

You have children and need to be prepared to take care of them until they are at least 18 yo. Not taking their family home away from them and flying off to another country with a flippant, they can come if they want to ….

I know most 18yos struggle a bit with the move to uni and the need to 'adult'.

I would want to know a lot about the Halls set up.

Are they catered - fully? Or would your DS need to be sorting shopping, cooking, washing up, cleaning etc?
What security do they have - what checks are done if he goes off grid for a few hours. What happens if he is ill? Would anyone know if he just didn't come back one evening?
Who is he living with - do they have their own rooms, bathroom facilities etc
How does his washing get done?
What is there to occupy him at the weekends, holidays etc? I think you are expecting a lot of his brother - surely he has a life , a job, a partner? He isn't going to want to devote all his spare time to looking after his brother. That's not fair on him.

All of this on top of motivation for doing college work, attending college is a lot to ask of a 16yo.

And the cost must be astronomic if uni halls are anything to go by.

I find it difficult to accept that your DH may not be able to call an ambulance, but trusting that your 16yo would if necessary.

If you think your DS is potentially capable of coping with this independence without being stupid and there's an older brother around to keep an eye on things then I'd give it a try. I cannot understand these posters who are horrified you're even considering this and giving you so much grief. It's not that different to going off to boarding school for 6th form and having to learn to stand on your own two feet. It sounds like there's a plan B in place for if he can't cope with it or shows he's not mature enough to be trusted like this. It will either work or not and you've been very clear about what will happen if he goes off the rails.

She's already said he will fly out to see them because she doesn't want to leave her husband on his own for even a week. Because of his severe medical condition of course 🙄

I'm sure her son (the "social, cheeky lad" as OP called him) would quite like to see his friends from home over the holidays if he's that sociable. But unfortunately Dad can't keep it in his pants so as a result, he gets to spend his term time in a college (with occasional drop-ins from his 25 year old brother apparently) and then holidays in another country where he knows nobody.

I was thinking the same. I left home at 16 and I’ve made it to my forties unscathed.

I can’t see a single upside to this. Your DH isn’t doing a huge amount to keep the family together. Are you sure he is worth it?