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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if anyone has any experience of DC moving away for college (not uni)

242 replies

AmpleDenimDreamer · 03/04/2025 09:30

DS is 16 and about to do his GCSE’s. Life circumstances mean me and DH are going to have to leave the country for at least a couple of years due to DH’s job requiring us to move. DS is adamant that he would hate to come with us and doesn’t want to leave the UK.

He's found a college about 45 minutes drive away from where currently live that offers accommodation in a ‘halls of residence’ style. His brother (25) would still live here so he could stop with him some weekends and we’d be able to pay for DS to fly out to see us for holidays. To be clear it is DS pushing for this, not us. I also wonder if it wouldn’t do him good to get some independence. Does anyone have any experience of this and AIBU to consider it?

OP posts:
Bloompetal · 03/04/2025 09:42

As for ‘doing him good’ I mean in terms of the independence and maturity it would produce.

yes op, we got that

but that you’re suggesting here is another level of independence

Bloompetal · 03/04/2025 09:41

AmpleDenimDreamer · 03/04/2025 09:39

To clarify:
DS is very welcome to come with us, it’s him who’s pushing to stay behind. He will also have family in the UK (his brother and others). He’s also going to be able to visit on holidays and we’ll pay for him to fly out.

As for ‘doing him good’ I mean in terms of the independence and maturity it would produce.

Why do you have to go

I can’t believe you’re repeating that your DS is pushing this. He. Is. In. Year. 11

Mistybottom · 03/04/2025 09:41

Plenty of 6th formers go to boarding schools. If that’s what DS wants then I’d trust him if he’s normally a sensible kid.

The pastoral side might be tighter at a school than a college. Would DH’s work pay school fees? There are a few State boarding schools that would be worth looking into.

Treeleaf11 · 03/04/2025 09:40

Why do you have to go as well? Can't your DH go alone?

knitnerd90 · 03/04/2025 09:40

There's no great option here unless you can stay behind. I don't blame your DS for not wanting to go abroad, and he could potentially lose his entitlement to home fees for university (this is complicated so you would need to take advice). I would not love this option but it might be the best of a set of bad choices.

GatherlyGal · 03/04/2025 09:39

Maybe boarding school is an option? Halls style living is ok at 18 but surely a 16 yr old needs some structure and supervision ?

Original poster
AmpleDenimDreamer · 03/04/2025 09:39

To clarify:
DS is very welcome to come with us, it’s him who’s pushing to stay behind. He will also have family in the UK (his brother and others). He’s also going to be able to visit on holidays and we’ll pay for him to fly out.

As for ‘doing him good’ I mean in terms of the independence and maturity it would produce.

OP posts:
Bloompetal · 03/04/2025 09:38

To be clear it is DS pushing for this, not us. I also wonder if it wouldn’t do him good to get some independence.

your ds is barely 16 Op, he doesn’t know his arse from his elbow

and whilst good for teens to get some independence… this is of another level

Zanatdy · 03/04/2025 09:37

It’s a bad time to leave. Is this optional? Can’t you stay on? Kids do move away at 16, but no way i’d leave the country and leave my 16yr old here. Youngest is 17, very independent, but at 16 still needs a parent around.

Gimmethenight · 03/04/2025 09:37

How would that be funded?

Hoppinggreen · 03/04/2025 09:37

AmpleDenimDreamer · 03/04/2025 09:32

No. I wish we could but it’s just not possible, we’re going to have to leave by September at the absolute latest.

Show quote history

Do you both have to go?
I was a Day pupil at a Boarding school and it always amazed me that kids were in Boarding because of their Dads job when they had 2 parents.
I suppose the set up you describe isn't too bad and there will be an older sibling around but I have a son the same age and if DH had to leave the country at this point he would be doing it alone

GatherlyGal · 03/04/2025 09:36

Sorry but I’m not sure how living in a different country to his parents at 16 will “do him good”.

Bloompetal · 03/04/2025 09:36

Never in a month of Sundays would I leave my 16 year old for my husband’s job

Bloompetal · 03/04/2025 09:35

AmpleDenimDreamer · 03/04/2025 09:32

No. I wish we could but it’s just not possible, we’re going to have to leave by September at the absolute latest.

Show quote history

But it’s your DH’s job, not yours.

Is your DH the father of your DS?

Radra · 03/04/2025 09:34

If it's DH's job, why does that require you to move?

Original poster
AmpleDenimDreamer · 03/04/2025 09:32

Bloompetal · 03/04/2025 09:31

Is there no way you can stay in the country with your ds until he finishes up?

Edited

No. I wish we could but it’s just not possible, we’re going to have to leave by September at the absolute latest.

OP posts:
Bloompetal · 03/04/2025 09:31

Is there no way you can stay in the country with your ds until he finishes up?