New thread- Told DP I was upset by SKs' behaviours

And this, with bells on! Utter dickhead.

Wow... just read the first thread. That's not 'normal' for many children, nor 'how kids are these days', unless you want to have an addendum of '...unless their parents are shit.'

I wonder if parenting styles go in a cycle from harsh to over lenient, and if we're nearing the end of it and will soon see a return to people being somewhat draconian, just to recover some kind of societal order.

He was living the dream as were his children. Let your mother take them in and enjoy the chaos,debris and snot. As others have said, schools out so now it's all on him. If you let him back it will all be different until it isn't. Enjoy your quiet time, sounds well deserved.

Don't give in to his demands to talk, he will try and wheedle his way back into your affections probably with some love bombing and before you know it you'll be right back where you were. He'll be walking all over you again along with his disrespectful kids.
Stay strong hold the line & don't let him cross back over it.

Mediating is also what's done between adults on the same level. Not with kids who you have authority over and responsibility for. He really does not want to do any parenting.

@innersilentscreams - some mothers can be absolutely dreadful about men for their daughters - even a no-good unemployed narcissist is better than no man at all for some of them, so please, don’t take any notice of what your own mother is saying to you about this, she is just plain WRONG!
Like others, I am finding the timing of his latest attempts to meet up with you extremely suspicious - term broke up yesterday in England, didn’t it? Where are those delightfully pleasant, polite, well-behaved boys going to stay during his “parenting” time with them, if not at your place, where he lets them get away with doing anything they like without caring that they upset you?
Please, stick to your guns, there is nothing to discuss, just get rid of everything of his and his sons and carry on looking after yourself in your own home, living your life the way you want to.

Missing the point, I know — but a limoncello spritzer! I love the sound of this!

It’s irrationally irritating to me your ex keeps avoiding apologising and defaulting to repeating he was ‘mediating’. Someone needs to direct to him to a dictionary! He has done no such thing. If he had actually mediated then you wouldn’t be apart now ffs!

I think his response says it all. “I always apologise for upsetting you”. Not for actually doing anything. He still does not recognise that his behaviour is at all at fault, let alone his children’s. I’m sorry OP.

Stay strong OP - I’d expect him to start with the emotional blackmail or get stroppy as he’s not getting his way.
“But I can’t see the boys…”, “Where am I going to go?”, “they’ll be better”, Followed by blame “You’re making us homeless”, “you’re why I can see the boys”, “You’re being unreasonable”, etc.

If you can block him and put the wheels in motion on untangling finances asap then so much the better.

Hope you and your cat are enjoying the sunshine in peace and quiet.

She said they’ve got a joint account and investments together that will need to be disentangled

Your mum might what you to stay nomatter what, but I don't think many older women would it's not the 1940's. You have a funny idea of older women.

Grey rock. It's the only way.
Only resond to anything related to picking up belongings etc or untangling finances. Ignore everything else. He needs to know the relationship/breakup itself is not up for discussion or negotiation. He sounds very manipulative, so don't get hoovered back in.

Easter holidays coming up. Expect him to pull out all the stops to not be managing his dc alone for 2 weeks...

My mum would visit me with a fresh notebook …
She would start on page 1, the LIST of the things I must do to move on.

Then as I finished each task. She would strike thru task with a flourish and announce ONLY 6 more things, then it’s finished. And would keep me on task. No mum should want DD to be trod on. (I think ex had been telling mum do tall tales…. Probably the typical gaslighting type lies like … OP isn’t thinking clearly, not well and nothing prompted her breakdown. Etc)

Not all of us are like that, I'm certainly not nor are any of my friends

It does sound like your mum primed you for putting up with this crappy treatment from him and his kids for so long.

The lack of apology is a bit crap, but an apology now would be completely meaningless anyway, because he would only be saying it out of desperation trying to make things go back to how they were. So try not to focus on that.

He’s a shit, you’ve realised it, and your life is better without him and his horrible kids in it. That’s the whole picture and nothing he does or says now or in the future can change it.

I think pp suggestions of a new email address for him to discuss details of separation is a good idea, to stop him trying to mess with your head to worm his way back in.

Someone put the link on page 1. A few posts in.

He's after money, childcare or both. Please don't meet him on your own OP, maybe at a coffee shop or similar?

The previous thread that had some similarities, you know where the man wanted that OP to pay for X Y and Z, he brought the kids with him to the meeting - I think prior to that he turned up on the premise of collecting things then didn't actually want to collect anything, the OP's family had to load up his car!

Can’t find the original to bring myself up to speed. Anyone got the link?

Also , even if he does apologise , it means nothing. His disrespectful behaviour is all you need to remember in order to move on.

I'm glad you're doing well op , and thank you for updating us on this new thread.

Your relationship with your mum sounds tricky and lacking in the support you deserve.

I hope you get the joint account and other loose ends tied up quickly. This stranger is very proud of you for putting an end to your ex boyfriend's nonsense and protecting your peace.

I hope you're having a great weekend in your clean and quiet home!

@innersilentscreams

Two things:

1. You should be really proud of how you're dealing with this

1. Join us on the stately homes thread if you want somewhere to talk about your mum.

I think both threads have been picked up by other outlets because your story resonates with so many women
in addition to resting and eating well I find small manageable home projects fill my time satisfactorily and prevent loneliness…
clean entire house
clean furniture and soft furniture
paint a room
plant some pots outside or plant flowers in the ground
organize drawers and rearrange the use of rooms and the use of existing furniture. Make the house yours and cats only now
get outside for a bit everyday
run simple errands…visit a museum have a look at magazines or books for free at a library or store window shop walk unfamiliar neighborhoods enjoying their architecture and decorations
volunteer/ attend religious service if appropriate/ cinema/
tryout new recipes Bring it to work if it’s too much to eat yourself
exercise
do something you have wanted to do but couldn’t because of ex and kids…a class horseback riding swimming. Doesn’t have to become a hobby just an experience
well done OP well done. You are brave and strong

A mediator is a go-between who stands between two opposing sides. That he thinks that was the correct position for him - as your partner and their father - to adopt shows there's nothing to discuss. It was his job to control that situation. He was responsible for it. Instead he let you down and let them down.

Don't let your mother undermine you, OP. I'm sure she doesn't mean to, but she's not acting in your best interest. Trust your own assessment of the situation.