New thread- Told DP I was upset by SKs' behaviours

Bump up for the pp who said change locks ?

The refusal to accept any responsibility for a situation of his own making is stunning.

You're well out of it.

Cat is no doubt punching the air.

OP

I hope you have made sure that he has no way of getting into your house. If you haven't, please change the locks!! No matter the cost it will be the best investment you'll ever make.

Otherwise you can come back from work with him having brought his kids over and refusing to leave. (Yes even if it's not his day / evening to have them.) Trying to make you the horrid bad guy. And even if you call the police, they might just say it's a civil matter. He could just show them a letter with his name at your address.

And also disconnect those cameras that he has access to - otherwise he'll watch for when you've left the house and get in as above.

This is excellent news, I both very proud of and really pleased for you.

Do not meet him, communicate by text/email when it suits you. (Remember the other thread where the ex turned up with the kids at the house and then in the park as am attempted guilt trip? Luckily the OP had a sister to help.)

If you absolutely have to go meet him for something (closing a joint account?) take a friend with you or contact your advisor before the meeting to say that this is a break up with risk of manipulation and you'd like it to be as efficient as possible. Many banks are signed up to the financial abuse protection charter and although this situation is not FA, you can use that general awareness to ensure the advisor backs you up in just getting everything signed.

Other than that, enjoy your calm, clean house. Once the kids' furniture is gone, maybe you'd like a home office, or a room to do yoga or crafts in, maybe you even want a ridiculously huge dressing room. You can do what you like, it's your house. Enjoy your snot- and crisp-free sofas, and treat yourself to a film or a book in your living room without a teenager yelling BORING at the side of your face. It sounds like heaven. xx

Thank you for the update OP, hope you got your locks changed and the security camera sorted. I hope you and your cat have a lovely peaceful time.

I remember your original thread. I'm so pleased to read how you have taken control and stuck to your guns. Your life is going to be so much better now. And your cat's.

Say you cannot meet him as you are far too busy steam cleaning his kids snot out of your sofa.
Glad you are free if him, enjoy your lovely new peaceful life with puss.

Well done OP. 100% you did the right thing. Prepare for a change in approach from him as he realises the gravy train has left the station. He had it so good - all he needed to do was assert a tiny bit of control on the kids or even just sympathise with you and not dismiss you hat could have gone a long way. More fool him. The relationship has been wrecked because he couldn't give you any consideration. From here, you could get anger or even something resembling an apology from him. Stick to your guns and ignore him. You've done brilliantly. Enjoy the peace and quiet!

He is humouring you right now. I bet anger kicks in soon...
Be careful op.

Welcome to single cat parent life it's full of purrs and head boops

Wow his reaction confirms you were correct @innersilentscreams a well done and stay strong. You have a happy peaceful time ahead x

Well done for sticking to your position! Of course he isn't sorry about flouncing out. He's sorry he's no longer got a lovely house to wreck and probably his kids are acting up. He probably wanted to tell you the sob story about how much he misses you, the kids are distraught etc. Ha! I'm glad you and the cat are happy.

Well yes because he did a big man baby flounce instead of sorting his kids out, and he didn’t expect you to prefer it with him gone!

Well done OP. I can just imagine the peace and calm, and no fecking crumbs on your sofa!

An apology would mean him admitting his failures.

He’s sorry because he had a good thing going not because he did something wrong. If you accept him back you are saying you will forgive this behaviour and why should you? Good for you op.

i imagine this is a meeting that could be emails, no?

Well done OP, so nice when I see women getting out of a toxic situation and taking back control.

I like to think that the cat will be skipping with joy this weekend. More likely napping in every room because it can 😁

Yep, he’s panicking about looking after his children in his parents home.
Would love to be a fly on the wall this weekend - imagine the carnage!
He is just sad that him and his his lovely children can no longer treat you like dirt and trash your home.
Protect your peace. Bet your cat is bloody delighted!

What everyone else has said. Pity he can't see the disservice he's doing to his kids to let them carry on like this. But he doesn't want to stop. And clearly thinks that if you agree to meet, he can persuade you to keep putting up with it!

Good for you standing firm.

He hasn't apologised because he thinks you are silly and unreasonable. (You aren't.) He wants you to get over it so he can get his feet back under your table and his horrid kids back in your lounge.

All the best to you and your little cat.

Just linking your first thread in case someone asks.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5304943-told-my-dp-i-was-upset-by-stepkids-disrespectful-behaviour-and-now-it-looks-like-my-relationship-is-over?page=1

Fantastic job. Well done you. This is really not something you will ever regret. Him otoh. He’s lost a good woman and a home for his kids. And he’s still got kids, who show him zero respect. He really needs to learn a thing or two. The boundary that you are putting up right now is the lesson he needs tbh and is the best thing for you. Stay strong. He’s not good on boundaries at all. However, he will eventually have to digest the news and leave you alone.

And have you begun to work on building up a life for yourself? Friends? Hobbies? Social life?

So glad to read you're staying strong.

He's realising what he's lost. Hopefully he'll start to parent?

Thank you for the update. Can you meet him with someone else there? Not your Mum!