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Original poster

New thread- Told DP I was upset by SKs' behaviours

383 replies

innersilentscreams · 03/04/2025 05:55

I thought I'd make a new thread to let you know that I have stayed strong, am enjoying my peace (and cat).
I have to go to work very soon so I will post later this evening, but thank you all so much for your messages and support!

He has messaged to meet up but I have said no. His things are packed up and we have financial issues to sort like joint account and investments so blocking outright isn't doable yet. I am not worried for my safety.

Some lovely colleagues at work have been helpful- especially one who has been in a very similar situation in the past, who said it doesn't get better, only worse.

He's messaged the typical misses me, can't believe how things are text now, but no apology. When I told him the way I have been disrespected and then the way he spoke to me and left was shockingly undeserved, he ignored that and just kept asking me to meet him. I said no.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
AnneLady · 04/04/2025 17:31

Did he contribute financially whilst living with you? Did he go straight to living with his parents after his divorce? Sounds like a cocklodger. Terrible they never got you Christmas or birthday cards and presents. His parents sound awful not supporting you after your bereavement. His life will get harder now with his feral kids at his parents and I am laughing thinking of them being naughty for him during the easter holidays!

Original poster
innersilentscreams · 04/04/2025 17:12

Ok I actually clicked on the Bored Panda article (I am finding it mental that both the Daily Mail and Bored Panda have picked my inner silent screams up...bit terrified I am more outed but it is what it is).

After screenshots of my original post they have summarised below:

From what OP tells us, we certainly think she’s better off without her ignorant partner and his rude and unruly kids in her life. Perhaps now she can peacefully pick up the pieces and rediscover a life worth living free of constant disrespect.
What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think she was being unreasonable, or is enough enough? Let us know your opinion in the comments!

I have yet to read the comments but I am blown away by just how unaminous everyone has been, and how much I really was putting up with, when it was constantly excused and minimised.

Just scrubbed my floors, hoovered, and am about to relax with a lovely limencello spritzer. Still staying strong!

Cheers to all x

OP posts:
MoominMai · 04/04/2025 16:45

Bloompetal · 04/04/2025 06:58

obviously there were a lot of loving, good times over the past 4 years.

there’s no “obviously” about it op. I think with time you’ll realise that there really were not a lot of loving and good times. How could there be?

Unfortunately I think I agree with this sentiment. I was in a relationship for two years with a very similar type of person. Looking back you realise it wasn’t really real as it were. Like what I thought ‘we’ were jointly experiencing in terms of real love and caring was not how he saw it - which is quite a revelation! How could it have been since his hot and cold behaviour about the silliest things including wanting to know things like why there was no bow on his chocolate box this Xmas when there was past Xmas (implying I love him less 🙄) makes you realise after you wer more living parallel as opposed to real bonded joint lives.

twoshedsjackson · 04/04/2025 14:22

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 03/04/2025 19:31

I’m serious. You could launch an army off the back of it.

Show quote history

As for "Cats Before Twats"......Lovely to see such positivity about the slogan, but I can't claim it as original.
In fact, I think I first saw it on Mumsnet! It made me roar with laughter then, and I've used it many times since!
But if anyone with a canny eye for business is up for it; mug, T-shirt, etc. - I'm in!

outerspacepotato · 04/04/2025 14:10

He's made it so clear that even if you let them back in, nothing would change.

Good for you and keep enjoying you life.

CruCru · 04/04/2025 13:23

wizzywig · 03/04/2025 13:25

Plus Easter school hols are starting!

Show quote history

I was going to say this. How much would he normally have them over the holidays?

Jinglejanglejangle · 04/04/2025 12:51

So pleased you have changed the locks and that you haven't capitulated to his request for a meeting. He just wants to jump back on the gravy train. Arsehole.

HomeTheatreSystem · 04/04/2025 12:46

Well, hardly identifiable. I imagine there's many feckless cocklodgers with their feral crotch goblins doing exactly the same to their partners across the land.
OP, given this man cannot be arsed to properly take care of his own flesh and blood, it should be no surprise to you that he doesn't give a rat's arse about mistreating you. Stop being surprised he's not apologised to you: you might as well expect a goldfish to climb a tree.

Seashor · 04/04/2025 11:22

Take your money out of the joint account as a priority.

Chezxx · 04/04/2025 09:27

Of course you feel sad, that is understandable.

But he was abusive and so were his children.
They were deliberately antagonistic towards you and their behaviour was a reflection of that.

Their behaviour was not normal.
I have had hundreds of children in my house from 5 years to early 20's and there has never been the slightest hint of that type of behaviour.

They are lovely respectful children that appreciated the playdate, hanging out, food provided to them over many years.
Even teens I was meeting for the first time.
Without exception, great kids.

His children are dragged up and as they become adults I would be fearful that their behaviour would become worse towards you as their arrogance grew.

You are so well out of this, sad though you are.

We are here for you.

AlertCat · 04/04/2025 08:46

I’m sorry things have worked out like this. You sound very grounded and I wish you a gentle recovery and all the happiness going forward.

Tooty78 · 04/04/2025 08:19

Time for a name change on here for you Inner, as you no longer have to scream in silence😃

Wishing love and peace in your fabulous new life. x

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 04/04/2025 08:00

Of course there will have been good times and it’s going to take time.
The important thing is when you hit a low point, don’t give in as he will try and work his way back in.
Even if he was the nicest man, and apologised, this situation is untenable. From a practical point of view, you could have another ten years of these kids behaving like this.
In fact, once they get a bit older it would be going out and coming in pissed, waking you up.
Sadly, love isn’t enough even if it’s good, you need to be compatible and have similar values.
You will get there.

HelenWheels · 04/04/2025 07:13

good for you op.
stay strong

Bloompetal · 04/04/2025 06:58

obviously there were a lot of loving, good times over the past 4 years.

there’s no “obviously” about it op. I think with time you’ll realise that there really were not a lot of loving and good times. How could there be?

Original poster
innersilentscreams · 04/04/2025 06:40

AlertCat · 03/04/2025 20:44

How are you feeling about it all, @innersilentscreams ? Are you ok about the relationship ending? Even in these circumstances you might feel sad, so I hope you are relieved enough that the sadness is very diluted.

I am very sad- obviously there were a lot of loving, good times over the past 4 years. It's an issiue that has come up numerous times (his kids disrespecting my things or breaking them, as well as their behaviour in public)- and it was always me raising things with a view to working things out.

This time, the way he responded, the way things escalated...

I'm still in shock really.

I espected him to say yep, you know, those groundrules we discussed keep being broken and I can see it's an issue. I'll speak with them in the morning and reiterate the basics, don't worry.

But here we are.

Yes I'm very sad.
I'm sad and angry, because it didn't have to be like this at all. If I had insulted his kids, been rude to them etc I would understand his reaction. But I wasn't at all.

His refusal to apologise or to see that it was excusing and not mediating adds further insult to injury.

But I will keep focusing on the future- getting out more, seeing family, take a trip to see friends (get a cat sitter).

x

OP posts:
Needapadlockonmyfridge · 04/04/2025 06:38

Enjoy your peace and quiet, OP.

I sm not surprised he hasn't apologised. The arse can't see he has done anything wrong, and no doubt feels wronged.

Enjoy a stress- free weekend :)

AlertCat · 03/04/2025 20:44

How are you feeling about it all, @innersilentscreams ? Are you ok about the relationship ending? Even in these circumstances you might feel sad, so I hope you are relieved enough that the sadness is very diluted.

Feministwoman · 03/04/2025 20:34

innersilentscreams · 03/04/2025 19:14

The latest update is that locks are changed, wifi password changed and I feel safe, so please don't worry.

he has messaged saying that all he had done was 'mediate' that night by putting across his point of view about the childrens' behaviour. Not apologosing or acknowleding the disrespect. Nothing about the fact that he didn't offer to work on the rubbish, gaming, rude and homophobis comments.

I continue to just enjoy my peace and quiet with the cat xx

What about your security cameras, though? Does he still have viewing rights to those?

I do hope not.

Bloompetal · 03/04/2025 20:10

innersilentscreams · 03/04/2025 19:30

I'll buy a Cats Before Twats mug!

Treat yourself!

New thread- Told DP I was upset by SKs' behaviours
Bloompetal · 03/04/2025 20:09

On Amazon

New thread- Told DP I was upset by SKs' behaviours
Bloompetal · 03/04/2025 20:08

It’s not a new saying
google it
You can get wallets, key rings, decorations etc all with this saying

Bloompetal · 03/04/2025 20:07

It’s out there already

New thread- Told DP I was upset by SKs' behaviours
AutumnFroglets · 03/04/2025 20:00

Well done OP! I hope both you and the cat are sitting in your nice, peaceful and clean home with Cheshire-sized grins. Enjoy Wine