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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that parents who don’t control their kids in public deserve public shaming?

205 replies

MyEdgyAmberZebra · 02/04/2025 22:08

If your child is throwing a screaming tantrum in a restaurant, I shouldn’t have to “be understanding” - I should be able to tell you to sort it out.

OP posts:
Anonym00se · 02/04/2025 22:36

AquaPeer · 02/04/2025 22:23

Things that never happened no 482390752

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Why would that not have happened? My DS has ASD (now an adult) and removing him was a weekly occurrence when he was a small child. I would have to pick him up and carry him outside to calm down - for his own sake, and for the comfort of other customers.

spicemaiden · 02/04/2025 22:34

MyEdgyAmberZebra · 02/04/2025 22:30

No - I think when a child is clearly in distress and the parent’s ongoing response is total disengagement, it’s fair to be frustrated. This isn’t about a 10-second ‘snapshot.’ It’s about when it’s been going on long enough that everyone around is uncomfortable and the parent seems more bothered by the attention than their own child’s behaviour.

And while I agree that offering support can be kind in the right moment, let’s be honest - we’ve all seen situations where it’s not about needing help, it’s about not bothering. That’s the distinction I’m making and I think most reasonable people know the difference.

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Well that’s good to know, because your OP and follow up post painted you as one of those intolerable people who cannot stand the sight of children and heaven forbid a parent dare leave the house with a child with a disability that manifests as noisy behaviour - perhaps be a little clearer next time.

AquaPeer · 02/04/2025 22:30

MyEdgyAmberZebra · 02/04/2025 22:25

It’s not about feeling good or being cruel - it’s about setting a boundary when someone else’s lack of control is affecting everyone around them. If someone was blaring music on public transport or letting their dog bark non-stop in a cafe, most people wouldn’t hesitate to say something. But when it’s a child, we’re expected to just sit there and smile?

I’m not out here looking to shame struggling parents - I’m talking about those who clearly aren’t even trying. There’s a big difference and pretending there isn’t just lets inconsiderate behaviour slide.

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Saying something isn’t a boundary, saying something is scolding/ voicing displeasure.

you can’t set a boundary with someone you have no direct relationship with and Will never see again. Not least because they could well tell you to fuck off and ignore you (as I would tbf, although my children didn’t have tantrums)

Original poster
MyEdgyAmberZebra · 02/04/2025 22:30

spicemaiden · 02/04/2025 22:22

So you think a snapshot of a parent scrolling theif phone of irritation at people suffering from a clear case of rubber-necking deserves your judgment?

Perhaps you should keep your nose out, or ask if they need a big of support?

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No - I think when a child is clearly in distress and the parent’s ongoing response is total disengagement, it’s fair to be frustrated. This isn’t about a 10-second ‘snapshot.’ It’s about when it’s been going on long enough that everyone around is uncomfortable and the parent seems more bothered by the attention than their own child’s behaviour.

And while I agree that offering support can be kind in the right moment, let’s be honest - we’ve all seen situations where it’s not about needing help, it’s about not bothering. That’s the distinction I’m making and I think most reasonable people know the difference.

OP posts:
Gowlett · 02/04/2025 22:29

I don’t care what others think of my parenting.

Mumof2girls2121 · 02/04/2025 22:28

Sometimes - not always - the kid will get worse if interrupted and it’s quicker to let them ride it out and ignore them.
That said if it was a restaurant or church etc I’d remove them

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 02/04/2025 22:27

I think tantrums are most strsssful for the parents we go into fight or flight stress mode when they happen and sometimes you do need to ignore them rather than giving in, otherwise they will learn to tantrum anytime they hear a no as they know these get the iPad or treat or whatever else might work to placate them in the short term

I don't think any parent should ignore their child in distress to scroll their phone though
That's very worrying

Original poster
MyEdgyAmberZebra · 02/04/2025 22:25

AquaPeer · 02/04/2025 22:18

I don’t really understand why you would do that. Does it make you feel good to tell them to “sort it out?” What sort of person desires to publicly shame anyone?!? Bizarre post

It’s not about feeling good or being cruel - it’s about setting a boundary when someone else’s lack of control is affecting everyone around them. If someone was blaring music on public transport or letting their dog bark non-stop in a cafe, most people wouldn’t hesitate to say something. But when it’s a child, we’re expected to just sit there and smile?

I’m not out here looking to shame struggling parents - I’m talking about those who clearly aren’t even trying. There’s a big difference and pretending there isn’t just lets inconsiderate behaviour slide.

OP posts:
spicemaiden · 02/04/2025 22:23

MyEdgyAmberZebra · 02/04/2025 22:20

No, I don’t have children - and I don’t have to in order to expect basic social responsibility in public spaces. I’m not saying toddlers should be silent angels 24/7 (which is impossible), but I am saying parents should at least attempt to manage the situation instead of pretending it’s everyone else’s job to tolerate it.

Tantrums happen - fine. Ignoring them while sipping your latte and scrolling TikTok like nothing’s going on? That’s the issue.

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Sometimes ignoring a tantrum is the best possible thing you can do.

AquaPeer · 02/04/2025 22:23

DarkForces · 02/04/2025 22:20

I'd remove dd from the restaurant and one memorable time over my shoulder from a soft play. It's hardly rocket science

Things that never happened no 482390752

spicemaiden · 02/04/2025 22:22

MyEdgyAmberZebra · 02/04/2025 22:17

Of course it’s not always simple - parenting rarely is. But that’s exactly why I’m not talking about parents who are clearly trying. I’m talking about the ones scrolling their phone while their child shrieks like a siren for 15 minutes. Or the ones who look visibly irritated at everyone else for noticing.

There’s a difference between a tough moment and total abdication of responsibility - and it’s the latter that deserves pushback. Being a parent doesn’t mean the rest of the world has to silently endure chaos while you opt out.

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So you think a snapshot of a parent scrolling theif phone of irritation at people suffering from a clear case of rubber-necking deserves your judgment?

Perhaps you should keep your nose out, or ask if they need a big of support?

daisyb2 · 02/04/2025 22:21

It is very clear you don't have children. As a mum to a toddler, sometimes they have meltdowns and even with you trying your very hardest there is sometimes just no calming them down in that moment. Do you really think parents want to be in that situation themself with their child visibly upset and unable to calm them.

Writerbiter · 02/04/2025 22:20

I keep a massive bell in my bag at all times just so I can ring it every time I see disobedience from children or insufficient control from parents.

DarkForces · 02/04/2025 22:20

I'd remove dd from the restaurant and one memorable time over my shoulder from a soft play. It's hardly rocket science

Original poster
MyEdgyAmberZebra · 02/04/2025 22:20

AnnieRose24 · 02/04/2025 22:11

Do you have any children? If so, how did you stop toddler tantrums? Genuinely interested.

No, I don’t have children - and I don’t have to in order to expect basic social responsibility in public spaces. I’m not saying toddlers should be silent angels 24/7 (which is impossible), but I am saying parents should at least attempt to manage the situation instead of pretending it’s everyone else’s job to tolerate it.

Tantrums happen - fine. Ignoring them while sipping your latte and scrolling TikTok like nothing’s going on? That’s the issue.

OP posts:
Mnn · 02/04/2025 22:19

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/04/2025 22:11

Don't you think that if it was as simple as 'sorting it out' them they would!?

No.

Generally I find it embarrassing when my child has a tantrum and I hate seeing my child in a state like that.
I can try distraction and comfort but when they are totally dysregulated the only way out is often through. In a restaurant I would have removed her but there's been times (heavily pregnant) I haven't had the physical ability to haul her out.

AquaPeer · 02/04/2025 22:18

I don’t really understand why you would do that. Does it make you feel good to tell them to “sort it out?” What sort of person desires to publicly shame anyone?!? Bizarre post

spicemaiden · 02/04/2025 22:18

Truthfully though - keep your nose out, or offer support. Or call the police if a crime is being committed.

NormasArse · 02/04/2025 22:17

Public shaming isn’t a great way to get someone to see your point.

Original poster
MyEdgyAmberZebra · 02/04/2025 22:17

Mnn · 02/04/2025 22:10

Don't you think that if it was as simple as 'sorting it out' them they would!?

As long as they were trying to manage them and not just ignoring them I think you just have to grin, bear it, and be glad it's not you.

Of course it’s not always simple - parenting rarely is. But that’s exactly why I’m not talking about parents who are clearly trying. I’m talking about the ones scrolling their phone while their child shrieks like a siren for 15 minutes. Or the ones who look visibly irritated at everyone else for noticing.

There’s a difference between a tough moment and total abdication of responsibility - and it’s the latter that deserves pushback. Being a parent doesn’t mean the rest of the world has to silently endure chaos while you opt out.

OP posts:
spicemaiden · 02/04/2025 22:16

I think if you feel this is a helpful strategy you should put it into practice and film it whilst doing so. That way you can educate the rest of the world (or entertain it)

Allthesnowallthetime · 02/04/2025 22:14

Yabu, because shame isn't a good motivator for human behaviour. Shaming people won't make things better.

But yanbu to not pretend that it's ok for you.

XenoBitch · 02/04/2025 22:12

I try to be understanding. That child could be ND and overstimulated (although parent should have taken them out the environment that is distressing them so much anyway).
I try to remember that I have a little snapshot of the kid and parent. I don't have to deal with it 24/7... they do.
The ones that piss me off more are those that ignore the tantrum and think everyone else has to tolerate it.

Galaxybisc · 02/04/2025 22:12

I’m sure most parents would try to distract their child / take them out until they had calmed down, where possible.

Sometimes it might not be eg if you have more than one you child and are on your own it might be difficult to walk out having not paid yet

AnnieRose24 · 02/04/2025 22:11

Do you have any children? If so, how did you stop toddler tantrums? Genuinely interested.

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