To think that parents who don’t control their kids in public deserve public shaming?

Shouldn’t they? Oh dear. Does the hospital accept returns?

im sure you equally frown upon kids on screens out in public as well. I think the solution might be mind your own business and try to enjoy the company you’re with.

Most parents don’t. It’s disingenuous to claim that parents don’t care. The vast majority do and are doing their best. You must be exceptionally unlucky to encounter so many disruptive children in your fancy restaurants. I rarely do. I come across more boorish and disruptive adults.

i thought the real issue of this thread was the minority of parents who really don’t care what’s happening with their kids and abdicate any responsibility. In which case, the answer isn’t public shaming. But you crack on if that’s what compels you.

Ten years? If they can't produce a well-behaved child by the time it's five years old, they shouldn't become parents.

Disruption and noise in a nice restaurant is more than "inconvenience." Why do parents think they get to ruin others' outings?

Why do you think you’re so special that you never have to put up with any inconveniences whatsoever?

I didn’t say anything about a restaurant.

but since you’re obsessed with restaurants - take yourself to knew where children are not allowed.

I wish many adults would stay at home rather then inflict themselves on me in public spaces, but we live in a world with other people unfortunately.

yes people chose to have children, they didn’t choose to be isolated from society for 10 years. Other countries, especially in and around Mediterranean are much more accepting of kids in general.

children exist, bad parents exist, if you don’t want to encounter either perhaps you ought to stay home. Or buy some expensive headphones.

Or, endure you only go to places where children are not allowed to.

Shift.

Get someone to watch the child at home while you shop?

So you have no qualms about ruining other people's outings?

The default public behaviour in our society is quiet consideration for others.

There needs to be a very good reason for disrupting an environment such as a cafe or restaurant or cinema. Kids who are too young to be trusted to maintain consideration and decorum need to stick to parks, soft play and other places made for boisterious behaviour. The parents will survive if they can't dine out for a few years. It was their choice to have kids.

My child has grown up to be a pleasant young adult but as a young child was prone to meltdowns on the bus home from a big shop. (Single mum, a 3yr old, half a dozen bags in tow that I’d lugged from the supermarket half a mile to the bus station and ready to cry myself) An old lady sat near to me on the bus actually gave a loud tut. My response, “any suggestions?” Clearly OP has either no children or little darlings

This is absolute, utter bullshit.

We weren't taken out until we learned to eat properly, sit at table, converse quietly etc. at home, at nursery, at the homes of relatives. You don't need to inflict unruly kids on the general public in order to train them in proper behaviour.

I see so many kids having a massive tantrum in public,but their parents just sit there oblivious. Usually staring at their phones.

Then you shouldn’t be going to discretionary public places like cafes and restaurants. If you can’t manage your kid, don’t make it my problem.

Thier list of excuses is never-ending.

I get what you are saying but I think it’s conflating two very different things. It isn’t okay to let your kid run riot no matter how end of tether you feel that day but it also isn’t okay to be rude and unkind to someone else.

You are still in a public place and are ultimately responsible for the behaviour of your children - that shouldn’t change just because you are stressed out. Because having everyone around you have to deal with that isn’t okay.

However, people don’t have the right to be rude and inconsiderate to people. Unfortunately one follows the other though.

If I’m paying money in a restaurant I don’t want to listen to a child in a tantrum. Take them out. Stop coming up with feeble excuses as to why you can’t. If the place was on fire you’d soon move. Why do some parents think their kids are so special that we all have to put up with their awful behaviour? Shift.

Again, see my post above- it's in no way simple to bundle up 17kg of writhing toddler when you're heavily pregnant with PGP!

I don’t want to shame anyone. At the same time I do see a bunch of utterly useless parents these days who are clueless at how to manage children. Unboundaried children become anxious and aggressive.

In a restaurant? Lovely. Take the kid out and then ignore the tantrum to your hearts content- outside or in the car. Away from everyone else.

It's pretty simple to bundle up a child and take them outside to let them calm down.

I agree.

I get it that some children may be ND but surely as a parent you'd remove a tantrum-ing child from the restaurant, even so?

It would be much easier to calm them down/discipline them - whatever is appropriate - away from the scene and also an act of consideration to other diners.

Going to a restaurant is a privilege and I think children need to understand they'll have to behave appropriately there, or leave. It's a life lesson.

Nothing stopping you from trying to administer said shaming OP, but you may find you don't like the consequences. Up to you whether you take the risk!

Parents of SN kids widely report feeling blamed and judged by others for their child’s behaviour though.

You may be good at spotting and empathising with the parent who is doing their best in a difficult situation, but loads of people seemingly lack this skill 🤔

For most people it’s a fleeting stage too. Most babies and toddlers grow out of tantrums and screaming.

I’ve had 26 years of abandoned coffees and meals as DD2 has physical and cognitive disabilities. It will be that way until I die. It’s not her fault and it’s not my fault but I’m not going to sit in a restaurant or church with her vocalising loudly in distress and throwing herself back in her wheelchair. Even if remaining there was an “learning moment” for her, and how could it be when someone is in such distress, it’s not fair on all the other people for whom it is also very stressful.