To think that parents who don’t control their kids in public deserve public shaming?

Oh you don't actually have children of your own? Interesting. The best parents are always those withoutt kids!

I’ve taken my DD out of many a situation, under my arm.

Not everyone has support, would you give up your time?

My grandson is non verbal and autistic. If he had a meltdown while out my daughter will take him outside to calm down, but sometimes she simple cannot. Like in the doctors waiting room, he had a meltdown and she was tutted at and comments were made.

Kids are not just there to be seen and not heard 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes, add dog allergies to the mix and it’s simply delightful 😂

Yes, we do the same of course. But still don’t move quickly enough for some people I would imagine.

We can’t go faster because of the SN in question though, needs that would be invisible to the casual onlooker unfortunately.

Someone like OP perhaps…

Absolutely. It's far more intrusive to have people's smelly mutts barking, running and drooling all around. While the dim-witted owner looks on as if we should be delighted by the annoying creatures attentions.

Yeah, they do. I agree.

I grew up with an ND family member. Every trip was carefully thought out as to suitability. In the event they kicked off, we left.

You can, OP, no-one's going to arrest you, are they?!

What you will get is judgement, because in 'shaming' the parent/s you'd be breaking a tacit social rule, just as the parent/s is/are breaking social rules in allowing their child to tantrum and disrupt other people.

IMO, if a child can't be quickly pacified, they need to be removed (by parents). Just leaving them to it is rude.

"I’m not out here looking to shame struggling parents - I’m talking about those who clearly aren’t even trying. There’s a big difference and pretending there isn’t just lets inconsiderate behaviour slide." What I'm curious about op is how you tell which ones are which?

If it's about public shaming attempts, the decision will probably be based on who seems least likely to get aggressive if OP tries it. That's how these things usually work.

"I’m not out here looking to shame struggling parents - I’m talking about those who clearly aren’t even trying. There’s a big difference and pretending there isn’t just lets inconsiderate behaviour slide." What I'm curious about op is how you tell which ones are which?

The parent who is scrolling their phone is very possibly mentally checked out after no sleep and the 15th tantrum of the day and has had to get out of the house for their own sanity and the fact its easier to manage crabby kids in the wild than in a house.

Ds is 2 but the size of most 4 year olds. I'm fit and strong but sometimes when he's having a complete wobble I struggle to safely hold him - he's accidentally given me a black eye before from wriggling around refusing to put his clothes on before and that was just him messing around being playful- to lift and remove him during a full tantrum could end up in one of the two of us being hurt. Thankfully he's 99% of the time super chill but if I had a disability or injury there would be no way I could lift and remove him if I needed to. Plus when toddlers are tantruming they are overwhelmed, their little brains can't take in anything so there really is nothing to do but let them get it out and then you start to calm and reassure once it's peaked. Trying to interrupt can sometimes make it worse. And as someone who's been on both sides of the coin, listening to a child tantruming is never worse than dealing with one when people like yourself op are watching with judgement.

I can honestly say I have never ever witnessed a child breaking down and a parent not responding at all, that's super rare.

If you shamed me I'd shame you right back.

@TheHerboriste
They may mention it as a reason, sure.
An excuse is something different.

They sure as hell do.

Unruly dogs are what I wish people would leave at home. Children are fine, definitely less scary 😁

Absolutely right! Why should everyone stay at home to avoid badly behaved children? And why should parents let their kids run riot and everyone suffer?

Sometimes you can't take them put. Hunger is a trigger for DS and he used to find it hard to recognise that he was hungry. Sometimes the quickest way to get him to calm down was to give him food, but I couldn't leave him outside in case he ran off.

Tell us you don’t have children, without telling us you don’t have children.

Sometimes it’s not simple at all.
People don’t use neurodiversity as an ‘excuse’.

That’s a really different situation to a restaurant, cinema or wedding though. You really have no choice but to continue on public transport and I think most people sympathise, silently or otherwise, even if their eardrums are hurting. Functional travelling is not a treat or occasion and while nobody on your bus will have enjoyed the screaming, I doubt any of them will have forked out for a babysitter so they could go on that bus or looked forward to it all week; or saved for it as a treat or planned a romantic experience on it

I was behind a screaming toddler on a Ryanair flight recently. The parents were doing their best but he wasn’t having it. It wasn’t pleasant but I know it was much worse for them so you just put up with it.

It’s rare to be physically unable to remove a baby or toddler from a restaurant or, wedding ceremony or cinema and unlucky to be in that position without a friend, partner or relative who could do it instead of you. I think the OP is directed at people who could attend to or remove their child but just don’t.

a child can have a tantrum or be otherwise noisy or a nuisance the problem is the parents who ignore it an do nothing, if your child is acting up take them outside this 'oh well they are ND' or whatever excuse parents come up with to not remove them from annoying other people is the issue, not the children themselves

it really is that simple

Indeed, the I thought I would be the perfect parent until I had kids lol 😆 I still always tried my best to take them out of situations where they were having meltdowns because it was just hard being in public doing it on my own, so let's go home. Xxx

Babies cry, toddlers have screaming tantrums, these are normal sounds of human life. You're entitled to be irritated if it disturbs you, but not to make the parent feel worse by 'shaming' them for bringing a child to a restaurant. Do you think people raising children should avoid all travel and eating out for the first 5 years, just in case child has a tantrum in a restaurant and bothers someone?

Sad how detatched from the reality of family life some people are. Toddlers have tantrums for all sorts of reasons, and it's not always possible to leave the restaurant (eg if you have other children or need to feed hungry toddler or the meal is a brief stop in a long, tiring journey). Sometimes they stop when ignored. The more you try to calm them the more angry they get. Distraction doesn't always help.

Telling them to 'sort it out' makes you sound uneducated, spiteful and aggressive. Are you seeking a fight or just kicking a parent who is already down?

Nope, whenever in public places we are accountable for our DC. We have ND DC and whenever they started reacting we would take them out, take responsibility for them everywhere.

There is no excuse for letting your child run riot, just had parenting and selfishness IMO, those who drink and ignore their kids etc.

It was very hard; you have to try to predict outcomes and be prepared for them and act accordingly.

To reiterate, when you take your children out, YOU watch them and take responsibility. It was so difficult having to leave cafes and other places but that's what we did because it was unfair to others.

Milo, I hear you. When you feel ready, you can stop screaming and then perhaps we could get some pudding. I understand you’re upset Milo. I think you’re not making the best choices here Sweetie.

as opposed to: stop that or we will leave the restaurant right now.

parenting style 2 wins my vote.