Nanny

Yes I agree there is something off in the tone in that respect. Right from the start of the thread op has focused on the fact it is MY child, MY feelings, MY employee, MY right to mother her, MY right to dismiss the nanny … There hasn’t been much openness to the idea that this nanny and the child would - and should - have a bond that develops in the time they spend together . Most parents recognise - and, for the child’s sake, want - that to be something solid, not something they see as being able to be swept aside because mum hapoens to be there to trump it, because mum is wanting to dispense with the nanny because she is moving/ nanny has irked employer and all the other lines advanced here. It just all seems a bit blind to others.

I wasn’t suggesting your DD minded coming to her mum; I was suggesting that from a bigger picture standpoint it might be better for her to have a stabilised routine where she knows that time with nanny is just that - given that often you won’t be there to intervene.

At our DC’s nursery we were always told it made it harder for children to settle once the parent left if they loitered and blurred the childcare/ parent time boundary. It wasn’t that the child minded the parent being there, but rather that children feel more secure with clarity about these arrangements.

Perhaps nanny worries that child will cry sometime when you’re not there & she won’t be able to soothe them because they’ll say they want mummy? Then her job gets harder? Perhaps it’s in the nanny training handbook !! I can see why you’re a bit upset though . I don’t think it’s sackable

Perhaps you should read your own posts before you criticise others.

Agreed.

You can have a collaborative approach with your nanny, in which case you work together as a team; or you can take the ‘I’m the boss, I say what goes’… I don’t think you can have both. I posted on this thread a few days ago.

Your posts since make me think this isn’t a ‘nanny’ problem, increasingly I think you would be very hard to work for. And I say that as someone with a full time (bloody fabulous) nanny. She’s not Mary Poppins but I hugely trust her, respect her and we each forgive each others human flaws.

You can tell a lot from your tone and line of reasoning , it is really coming across.

I agree that mums need to comfort our child so I don’t disagree with you on that at all but there’s something very off about the way you speak about being her boss and not vice versa.

It is hard being a nanny and trying to do your job when parents at home as kids do behave diff for them/you and us

obv working in a home is personal and not like an office job but the laptop analogy did describe it right

children do learn Quick, learning from a young age that if nanny says no. They cry. Parents come and investigate and nanny feel undermined esp if the parents ‘take over’

ive said many times covid killed nannying due to pwah much more

Looking at it from a step back - how often do you and your nanny have proper ‘check in’ type conversations.

The kind of stuff you’d cover in a 1:1 if you were in a corporate setting with manager and employee.

On various ‘in home staff’ type situations the lack of those often seems to be a factor in issues developing. Small things brew rather than get talked about, expectations and perceptions of expectations drift.

In this case it might have been that the nanny thought that you were only offering because you felt you had too, and you’d be frustrated by them taking up your offer. Best intentions all round, but a gap.

Some people want a nanny that comes in, takes over the house 9-5, you don't have to worry or intervene at all.

Some want a nanny that is more of a helper, so you're around more, they do only as directed etc.

That's what interviews and job descriptions are for. You seem to have something against nannies which is weird as hell. Don't have one if you don't want to. I love mine. And I love that my child absolutely adored her.

It’s very clear that you hate nannies “who do they think they are” and trying to argue with anyone who says they are a Nanny on here. I would suggest you find a nursery instead. Then you can walk around feeling as welcome as you like in your own home.

From this thread it’s pretty obvious you love a power trip. Good luck with that.

Honestly is this is something you “see” from several Nannie’s then perhaps you’re the problem.

In that case, this is a one off and you shouldn’t worry about it.

It seems like the child was crying because she did not want to do the thing the nanny wanted. I think this was just a misunderstanding. She felt her position was undermined. You were not in a position to fully understand why she was crying. If you had comforted the child she may have thought she did not need to do as nanny wanted. These things happen even between parents. I would let it go.

No we can’t tell our boss to sod off, but if we feel undermined and like we can’t do our job properly, and we aren’t enjoying the job…… we can quit. And find a job that better suits us.

Despite your claim that Nanny jobs are rarer these days due to more parents working from home, I have never been more in demand as a Nanny. When I interviewed for my last position six months ago I went to eight Nanny interviews within a week, I was offered all eight jobs and could pick and choose the one I liked best. Guess what - it was the one the parents worked mostly in a separate workplace. And reassured me that when they were working from home, they would sometimes pop in and out to see the kids but having had Nannies before they were mindful of making sure not to undermine the Nanny.

It’s fine if you want a more Mother’s Helper role and someone who will step back and let you take over when you walk into the room. But you need to make your expectations very clear when interviewing Nannies. And understand that your position will appeal to younger and less experienced Nannies, rather than someone more qualified and experienced.

Ex nanny here. She’s wrong. Part of her job is to make sure that the child in her care knows who her mother is, and helps preserve that relationship.

I guess that’s if the parents are making their own feelings huge in this.

Honestly, most people I know with nannies are more razor focused on what works best for the child.