Best friend compared her inheritance to my benefits

Well it’s certainly better than growing up without a dad and not getting £50k.

Finally some common sense.

Your friend is lucky to have received a generous gift.

You are unlucky that your ex does not support his children, therefore meaning you have to use benefits to fund necessities, rather than being able to use them to have a better lifestyle.

Have you never heard of tax and national insurance ? Because that’s how benefits are funded. And many benefit recipients, such as OP, also work, so may also be tax payers. They’re not ‘free’.

Nope.

I would hope no one believes that.

As in thd OPs case, when dad isn’t paying or paying very little and (if you’re lucky) playing alternate WEEKEND DISNEY DAD (complete with superhero cape) mums are often left in the unenviable position of struggling to afford childcare to be able to work full time.

As a net contributor - I begrudge not one penny to help her afford to live because of Crap Dad.

Yes. Anyone who receives free money is lucky. Whether a gift, inheritance or a monthly contribution from their government.

I think the point people are making is that they want an overhaul of the benefits system in regards to this. At the moment, child maintenance isn’t counted as income because it is so unreliable and might not be paid… because our government allows that. The child maintenance service is no fit for purpose, they refuse to use the many many powers they have to force payment and instead they just write off the debt, our MPs won’t address this or change it because it would lose a lot of male votes (not just men being made to pay but lots of other men because of misogyny).

Child maintenance should be treated like a tax and be unavoidable with swift and consistent punishment when it isn’t paid. Investigates should actually be carried out into all those who claim to have no income but live a very expensive lifestyle. It should be made so much more impossible to avoid paying and then, once that system is sorted, it could be counted as income for the receiving parent and reduce benefits and the burden on the taxpayer.

I can see why that would upset you. You seem nice and I’m sure your friend is too so try to not take the worst out of what she said. Moneys always a tough subject when friends are in different positions. I have a friend in a tougher situation than me and I’m sure I’ve said daft things too once in while. I always try to stay clear of talking about money for that reason. I hope you work it out x

its not inheritance it’s a gift. Anyone who is gifted £50k is lucky.

Yes but you’ve chosen to have 3 children that you can spend it on , whereas she’s not chosen to have children so can spend it on herself.

I don’t think she’s “lucky”. Growing up without a dad is crap and £50k is a drop in the ocean compared to a lifetime of neglect. I don’t think you’re lucky either but it is essentially the same- it’s free money in the sense that you have both received money you haven’t worked for. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Finally, thank you! Why is everyone pretending she wouldn’t get benefits if her ex was paying?! Literally no one actually believes that do they?

No, I do not think that. But well done for the assumption.

She’s doing her best with what she’s got..anx as a net contributor who once had to rely on benefits because of shitty men a begrudge her abc her children not one single penny

Snc it’s a short sighted society that does.

My parents gave me £40,000 to buy my first house. If anyone had said "you're lucky to have their support" I'd have said "yes, I certainly am." I think a lot of people did say things like that, but I don't remember it that clearly as I'd have thought nothing of it. Of course I was lucky to have it.

I don't see how anyone is interpreting that as an offensive remark?

Mind you I don't see the friend's response as particularly offensive either. She's saying benefits are like given money by parents. I don't agree with that, but as she obviously sees getting money from parents as perfectly ok, how is it an insult? The interpretation would be she thinks benefits are fine also.

The absent father didn’t die.

Hopefully he doesn’t in the next 7 years either.

Lots of single parents work full time . You don’t have to work part time and receive UC. That’s your choice presumably. You are both receiving something for nothing and relying on someone other than yourself to get by in life (in her case it’s her dads money and in your case it’s benefits) If i was her I’d have been a bit offended too depending on how you said it

Ah, you think the OP is paying more in tax than she receives into her bank account as cash payments from the government?

She doesn’t. She is a net loss for the country due to the actual free money being given to her. Many many people are. That’s what benefits are.

I’m not offended.

im suck to death of the narrative on mn - particularly around single mothers and whining about paying gif people’s children, and people less able.

Im also currently a net contributor - and that could change in a heartbeat. so car accident. One illness. One stroke.

And suddenly, I’m relying on ‘free handouts’ Just like many posting on here ready to tear people down who dare to claim benefits.

People on here truly disgust me these days.

Only if they’re net tax contributors.

Also free money for many of then. Again, not a judgemt. Just numbers.

Which the friend is also paying

I think the problem is not necessarily that people think the op shouldn’t be receiving the benefits but her attitude towards and that she thinks she is more deserving than her friend.

Wait until you see what pensioners get!

Don’t people realise that poorer people suffer bereavement too? I hate comments like this-nokme is saying you’re lucky to lose your parents but that you’re lucky that your parents left you something to make life easier. Bereavement is universal but I hope that I’ll be lucky enough to leave my children something.

" I mentioned how lucky she was to have her father’s support, and I meant that in a positive way."

Is that a shitty, snidey comment in your view? It sems a perfectly innocuous one to me.