Page 8 | Best friend compared her inheritance to my benefits

theusualdrama · 2025-04-02T17:18:54+00:00

My closest friend, who I have known for 15 years, is currently single, employed full time and has recently purchased her first home after years of renting. She doesn’t have any children. She grew up with her mother and didn’t see her father for over 20 years. He runs his own business and is quite wealthy. On the other hand, I’m a single parent with 3 children. I work part time and rent a small house. I rely on universal credit since my ex doesn’t provide any financial support. Like my friend, I was also raised by a single parent and have no connection with my father. He’s also very well off but has never offered any help or support. Even though, we share similar backgrounds, we’ve clearly taken different paths in life. She recently reconnected with her dad, who gave her £50,000 to help with a house deposit. I was absolutely thrilled for her, knowing how challenging it was for her to purchase a house on her own without this money. We got together for coffee earlier, and I asked her how the house renovations were going. She filled me in on all the upgrades she’s done and everything. I mentioned how lucky she was to have her father’s support, and I meant that in a positive way. It seems she was offended, as she subsequently likened her inheritance to me receiving benefits for free (her words). It was uncomfortable after that and we haven’t spoken since. Her comment keeps running through my head, and I’m really surprised she believes it’s the same situation. AIBU?

Annascaul · 02/04/2025 23:34

spicemaiden · 02/04/2025 22:37

Do you understand that the PAYE system isn’t the only method of radiation in this country?

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Sorry, what does that mean?

NebulousWhistler · 02/04/2025 23:32

DrEliGemstone · 02/04/2025 18:52

She got a gift from her father, you get a gift from the taxpayer 🤷🏻‍♀️

You’re making a very big deal out of this and it seems to be because of jealousy.

100% this. The gift from the taxpayer (you’re welcome 😉) allows you to only work part time which isn’t enough to support yourself and your offspring. You choose to raise your children with your tax funded gift. She’s chosen to renovate her house with her father funded gift.

Fairyliz · 02/04/2025 23:17

Am I the only one just wishing someone would give me some money?
I don’t actually mind if it’s a family member or the government; any donations gracefully received. 😁

livelovelough24 · 02/04/2025 23:05

It is really sad and depressing to see how many people on here lack empathy and blame a person for being impoverished.

Couldnotthinkofausername · 02/04/2025 22:57

Espressosummer · 02/04/2025 21:00

The OPs benefits allow her to work part-time. Part-time is a massive luxury that most people, especially those without children, cannot afford. The OP has the luxury of time.

I'm sure any stress caused by claiming UC is minimal compared to having to work full-time. I would much rather be able to cut my working hours in half and be topped up by the state but I don't have kids. There are plenty of single parents who work full-time. If the OP feels so hard done by then she can become one of them.

The idea that single parent families where the parent works PT and gets UC can only afford off-peak camping trips in Skegness is laughable. The OP could conceivably have a higher income each month than people who work full-time and earn just above the benefits threshold.

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Single parents working full time are more often than not getting up to 85% of their childcare paid for by the taxpayer and often at a much higher cost than the parent working part time and getting uc as a top up, especially those with small children.

This is just another smug benefits bashing thread. As usual it only takes a few judgmental comments and the rest pile on like demented brainless sheep, patting themselves on the back for repeating the same tired drivel the as the previous 10 posters.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 02/04/2025 22:54

Massive difference between receiving an inheritance following the death of a loved one, and a monetary gift. I came on here to say you should never envy anyone for the first. I can see why you may envy her for her gift.

Gemmawemma9 · 02/04/2025 22:50

AthWat · 02/04/2025 21:43

" I mentioned how lucky she was to have her father’s support, and I meant that in a positive way."

Is that a shitty, snidey comment in your view? It sems a perfectly innocuous one to me.

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Yes, I do think it could be said in a shitty way.
Friend is excitedly talking about her house purchase and plans for her new home. OP “well yeah, lucky you got handed £50k on a plate!” Absolutely unnecessary thing to say. If the op truly meant it in a kind way she should apologise for how it came across and explain what she meant. Because it comes across as jealous and begrudging.

Supperlite · 02/04/2025 22:50

theusualdrama · 02/04/2025 18:40

I get where people are coming from, but the support I get helps me take care of my children’s basic needs like food, clothes and paying the rent and bills. The money she’s received has opened doors for her to better her life and possibly own something valuable one day. For me, owning a home feels so out of reach, so I don’t share the same perspective. That’s really what’s bothering me.

Sounds like she took your well-meaning statement the wrong way, though your post suggests you may have come across a bit passive aggressive because you actually were, you just didn’t realise how you felt. Your use of the money doesn’t negate the fact you’re both getting money for free. It sounds like you’re jealous she’s getting a bigger hand out than you are. I don’t think that jealousy would be unusual, but I don’t think it’s healthy, either.

spicemaiden · 02/04/2025 22:46

Im just going to leave this here:

Straight from the ONS - the poorest 10% of households in this country pay 48% of their household income in tax.

The top 1% richest households pay around 39% of their income in tax.

Stop bloody begrudging people qualifying for benefits (and also realise that the largest population claiming ‘free money’ are pensioners, the majority of which aren’t the ‘poor pensioners’ depicted - and are doing quite nicely on the Ponzi scheme they voted for.

brunettemic · 02/04/2025 22:40

theusualdrama · 02/04/2025 18:40

I get where people are coming from, but the support I get helps me take care of my children’s basic needs like food, clothes and paying the rent and bills. The money she’s received has opened doors for her to better her life and possibly own something valuable one day. For me, owning a home feels so out of reach, so I don’t share the same perspective. That’s really what’s bothering me.

That’s a you issue not her issue.

spicemaiden · 02/04/2025 22:37

Annascaul · 02/04/2025 22:33

But that’s not how it works in practice, is it? There’s no requirement to have worked at all to be eligible to claim?

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Do you understand that the PAYE system isn’t the only method of radiation in this country?

Annascaul · 02/04/2025 22:33

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 02/04/2025 22:29

They were originally intended as a safety net. You pay into the system via tax and national insurance and take out if/when you need to.

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But that’s not how it works in practice, is it? There’s no requirement to have worked at all to be eligible to claim?

Maia77 · 02/04/2025 22:30

Even though it's free money in both cases, there's a big difference between getting benefits to make ends meet and getting a lump sum for a house deposit.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 02/04/2025 22:29

Annascaul · 02/04/2025 22:21

Benefits aren't free money and neither are they a gift from tax payers
What are they, then?

They were originally intended as a safety net. You pay into the system via tax and national insurance and take out if/when you need to.

Deckedoutside · 02/04/2025 22:28

Both of you have received money that you haven't had to work for. You are offended by her equating the two funds as you feel you are entitled to your money - more so than she is to hers. Consider that her money came entirely willingly from the donating source. Yours did not. So it's likely she was offended by your comment too.

Annascaul · 02/04/2025 22:21

Benefits aren't free money and neither are they a gift from tax payers
What are they, then?

Shubbypubby · 02/04/2025 22:14

Shubbypubby · 02/04/2025 22:08

But the OP has been able to live comfortably, work part time and raise three children with “free money” whereas her friend has had to work full time and scrape a living on her own. It’s not a race to the bottom. Neither are fortunate but the concept is essentially the same.

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But you both chosen different paths in life. You chose to have three children and work part time. Would you have been able to buy a house to house all of you and get a mortgage with a £50k deposit and working part time? You’ve got three lovely children and in the enviable position of not having to work full time, unlike millions of other parents.

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 02/04/2025 22:12

Shubbypubby · 02/04/2025 22:08

But the OP has been able to live comfortably, work part time and raise three children with “free money” whereas her friend has had to work full time and scrape a living on her own. It’s not a race to the bottom. Neither are fortunate but the concept is essentially the same.

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Bit of a straw man there.

spicemaiden · 02/04/2025 22:12

Shubbypubby · 02/04/2025 22:08

But the OP has been able to live comfortably, work part time and raise three children with “free money” whereas her friend has had to work full time and scrape a living on her own. It’s not a race to the bottom. Neither are fortunate but the concept is essentially the same.

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And where is the evidence that the friend had had to ‘scrape’ a living?

Soontobe60 · 02/04/2025 22:11

theusualdrama · 02/04/2025 18:40

I get where people are coming from, but the support I get helps me take care of my children’s basic needs like food, clothes and paying the rent and bills. The money she’s received has opened doors for her to better her life and possibly own something valuable one day. For me, owning a home feels so out of reach, so I don’t share the same perspective. That’s really what’s bothering me.

So you’re envious of her then?

spicemaiden · 02/04/2025 22:10

Shubbypubby · 02/04/2025 22:08

But the OP has been able to live comfortably, work part time and raise three children with “free money” whereas her friend has had to work full time and scrape a living on her own. It’s not a race to the bottom. Neither are fortunate but the concept is essentially the same.

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Where has the OP said she’s living comfortably?

Shubbypubby · 02/04/2025 22:08

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 02/04/2025 22:01

Well it’s certainly better than growing up without a dad and not getting £50k.

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But the OP has been able to live comfortably, work part time and raise three children with “free money” whereas her friend has had to work full time and scrape a living on her own. It’s not a race to the bottom. Neither are fortunate but the concept is essentially the same.

ThisPinkBee · 02/04/2025 22:06

Really not sure you can blame life circumstances or choices. What is the issue? Has she gloated about the 50k?

Also she might have wanted children but it never happened.

StartAnew · 02/04/2025 22:06

theusualdrama · 02/04/2025 18:40

I get where people are coming from, but the support I get helps me take care of my children’s basic needs like food, clothes and paying the rent and bills. The money she’s received has opened doors for her to better her life and possibly own something valuable one day. For me, owning a home feels so out of reach, so I don’t share the same perspective. That’s really what’s bothering me.

It's understandable that you have some envy of your friend's situation as well as being genuinely happy for her. My guess is that she responded to your envy by pointing out that you haven't earned all of your own income.
There's a degree of envy in many close relationships and she may be wishing she had children of her own.
Such a shame if this comes between you.

Boysnme · 02/04/2025 22:03

Digdongdoo · 02/04/2025 21:58

Yes. Anyone who receives free money is lucky. Whether a gift, inheritance or a monthly contribution from their government.

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I’m not disputing that, but the OP wasn’t wrong for calling her friend lucky. She is. She’s had £50k handed to her on a plate.