Best friend compared her inheritance to my benefits

Receiving benefits is nothing like being given tens of thousands of pounds in one big chunk to enable you to buy a house.

As others have said, you have both received free money, you probably more than her. You have both made different choices in life which means you spend the money differently.

@spicemaiden

I grew up in hous on benefits, we barely had enough money each month. So I do know what it is like to scrape by in insecure housing.

But that doesn't mean I cannot consider that were I to have been born in manu countries. I would not have scraped by I may well have died of childhood malnutrition, exposure or many other issues. And reflect that comparatively I was very lucky to scrape by.

And one could argue that friend is not as lucky as someone who parents bought them a house outright.

In this country and in the world, we are all luckier and unluckier than others.

@llizzie I’m not sure you understand about gifting. You can sell your main residence and give the money you don’t need to DC. There’s no tax involved as long as you don’t die. You should not give the house and continue to live in it. People try and do that to avoid IHT and care home fees, but, as you say, rent is due to the owners. My dc haven’t contributed to my house. I have, however, contributed to theirs. Which is fine by me and DH and me don’t intend to die just yet.

So bitter. This thread isn’t about you, you know?

Your life is subsided by the state and her life is subsided by her dad. You both get handouts, it’s the hard truth.

I know that, but thank you for pointing it out to me. I shall endeavour to correct my writing so that people can better understand what I am saying. I am damned on Mumsnet if I cut/paste the exact words and damned if I don't. There is always bound to be some clever dick who points out the obvious.

It is a risk one has to take when posting anything on here. I don't mind. If the poster's only joy of the day is to point out the wrongs, who am I to deny them that pleasure in their otherwise dull lives.

I was referring to the increased value of property when it comes to selling it. I thought that was obvious. It isn't free money, is it? The children should have a share in the value, if that value increases. Instead, when property is sold, people think it is free money to the heirs. It isn't always the case, if they helped pay the mortgage.

It is prudent to downsize and give money to children if you intend to live 7 more years, but if not, then that gift will be added to the value of the smaller property.

You may not benefit from being given a house 7 years earlier. It doesn't escape the taxman.

The value of the house is then considered as rent, during the parents lifetime, and the parents are charged with paying rent to their child(ren) who have to pay tax on the rental income.

Also, there is a law against selling a house cheaply to avoid care home costs, which were capped at £84K(?). I think Ms Reeves might have stopped that ceiling.

If you want to think just scraping by in insecure housing is lucky go ahead.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’m fairly certain that plenty of women out there want to hear your plan on how to make a child support dodging man pay up….

Please do share your master plan - share your wisdom and sure fire methods.

If a feckless sperm donor doesn’t step up and take responsibility, then it is “allowing it” if the mother doesn’t pursue him to the ends of the earth. If he’s a shit then he’s a shit, but to not pursue him IS enabling him to be a shit.

So for those who think we're awful for suggested that both have received 'free' money. I'm not suggufor.a.moment friend isn't lucky. Of course she is £50,000 is a sum of money that I think most of us couldn't dream of. I don't earn that in two years and I work full time.

Answer a genuine question for me.

Why do you all think we're awful uncaring people for perhaps suggesting that OP is lucky (not in the same way, as her friends clearly) in some sense to be able to work part and receive help from the state in raising her children. (As she has been left in a situation, through no fault of her own).

Are we not 'lucky' to live in a country that provides for it's citizens in times of need? Is it wrong for others to receive gifts that enhance their lives more than someone else's.

Are you suggesting it was wrong of friend to share her news with OP because she's in a better financial situation than OP?

In that case in these situations is it better to never be friends with people who are better off than we are?

@Annascaul The only difference is what the money is spent on.

What’s wrong with the maths?
Op will have been given £50k in a little over four years, from the tax payers coffers.
Presumably her total bill to the tax payer will be considerably more than that, since she appears happy to continue working less than half a week for the foreseeable.

@llizzie You only pay IHT after the second person dies. You can give to dc 7 years before that with no IHT. So you can downsize and gift.

And clearly your maths needs some work.

Not to mention the difference between a 50000 lump sum in one go on top of a full time wage that isn't needed just for daily necessities compared to £10000 top up to pay the rent/ buy food/pay utility bills.

How does she ‘allow’ it??

Yet again another stunning example of women blaming other women for men’s behaviour.

OP chooses to work p/t and to allow the father to get away without paying for his child. £50k is a huge amount, but let's face it, if OP is on £1k in benefits per month that's only a couple of years and she has been given the best part of £50k. Neither has had to work for the money.

Money from parents isn't free. I think that children have to pinch and scrape while there is a mortgage to pay, just as parents do. It can be very hard to go without to put and keep a roof over your head and food in the belly.

Scraping together the deposit, and keeping up with the mortgage payments affects the whole family. How can it be 'free money'?

As the home increases in value, the children should have part of that, yet so often there is IHT to pay, and criticisms of people who own their own house.

Some people prefer to spend their money on all sorts of things and hope they can pay the rent over the years. Is that responsibility?

The children may have the latest technology and fancy holidays, but what do they have to look forward to? More benefits? Even that is not entirely 'free money', unless the recipient hasn't been able to work.

Does it all depend on the work ethic your parents instilled into you?

@spicemaiden Who said men shouldn’t save? It’s rarely a woman leaves DC with the man though. It’s nearly always the other way round and if they don’t get married women are always shafted financially because they have DC. It’s about time women woke up and earned some money first and saved a bit.

And please, don’t put the onus on women for lying cheating sperm doners.

My ex-husband is a pillar of the community. He’s got everyone fooled, he fooled me. His your regular American hero - except behind closed doors, and that delightful aspect of the psycho didn’t erupt until I was trapped.

Men do what they can get away with - it’s about time the law stopped it.

I have to ask…..

Why do you think men shouldn’t equally save in case mum fucks off?

And

Have you ever been ij the position of being a single parent?

im not even remotely suggesting relying on the sperm doner, but then you equally need alto accept society had set itself up in a way that makes it ridiculously difficult to NOT rely on the sperm doner because society lets them fuck off.

frankly I think women should tell society to fuck off - an entire generation refusing to have kids at all bdcause men a never ever bloody held to account.

She is unreasonable. She should have just agreed that she was lucky to receive the money. Because she is lucky. Totally different to benefits and she just used that to shame you.

You think a £50,0000 lump sum on top of full time wages is the same as scraping by on part time plus top up benefits and having to live in insecure housing with little prospect of being able to save enough for a big deposit (like 500000) to save for a house?

OPs friend is bloody lucky.

Not sure you do get where people are coming from. You get given money, she got given money. Just because you have different needs, doesn't make the money any different. If anything, yours is coming from strangers who in turn have less for themselves, in a round-about way. Your free money opens doors and gives you a better life because with it you're able to pay rent and support your child without pursuing the father, or working more. You just view yours as more a need, when actually it could be viewed largely as a lifestyle choice. If you want different options, make different choices.

@spicemaiden Not in your crude terms, but yes. Who wants to rely wholly on a man? Have we learnt nothing? I think many people do save before they have DC and work out finances if the worst happens. I don’t know anyone who didn’t. When I had dc or now my DDs are looking at their finances. When you decide to have three, I think women always need to consider who they are having them with - sadly.