Best friend compared her inheritance to my benefits

You made a bit of a dig at her, she took offence and chose to snap back at you.

I would apologise if I were you, it’s very likely she will apologise in return. It’s hardly something to lose a long term close friend over.

I think you're being needlessly competitive in a 'who has it hardest' stakes that's entirely in your head. If your DC's dad paid for the kids, you wouldn't need benefits. If her dad had been around when it really counted, he might not be forking out for her now. Both cases involve men being shit about their parental responsibilities yet you choose to compete with your female friend about who has it hardest. She sees you as similar to her which should be a nice thing for friends who've not had it easy, yet you resent her for it and need some recognition that you're less 'lucky'. You seeing providing for the 3 DC you chose to have as being somehow more worthy than her getting a house. If you were truly happy for her, you'd not need to score points off her in this imaginary contest. As many others have said, the bottom line is you both have got money you didn't earn that helps you. To push it beyond that just makes you sound jealous of what she has and ungrateful for what you get instead of acknowledging that you've both had it hard and are entitled to whatever help comes your way.

You were tactless and it sounded a bit of an envious comment. I'm not surprised she responded pointing out the unearned income you receive.

I don't think it means she resents your benefits (and nor do I) but you are certainly getting financial support. As is she.

Of course it’s different to benefits.

It’s the earned income of someone who wishes to pass it on, not a state handout funded by tax payers.
Neither are either earned or deserved.
What a very peculiar notion

Depending on ages, it's rarely a life style choice more an inability to find childcare.

As for CMS, there a million reasons women don't receive it. The question is for the men who choose not to pay

This. Sounds like a bit of a dig at her to be honest. Like you’re telling her she’s only able to buy her house because her dad gave the cash, implying she hasn’t worked hard and doesn’t deserve it.
You should apologise.

So OP, you feel that you haven't had a chance to better your lifestyle??
If you're using your free money to provide the absolute basics to your children (food and clothes), then you most definitely have! Because being able to feed and clothe your children is better than the alternative!

The fact that your ex doesn’t contribute towards his children is shit behaviour - and puts an extra burden on the taxpayer. That includes taxpayers who can’t afford 3 children or to work part time. Be angry with your ex by all means - he sounds like a dick. But don’t take your feelings out on a friend.

Actually, I wish more people who lived off inheritance saw the money as no different to benefits. IME they all seem to think they've done something to earn or deserve it.

At any rate, it's true. It's unearned money that you're both using. I say that with no malicious intent, I also receive UC. I think you were rude to say she was lucky to have her dad's support when he's done fuck all for decades and then handed her a lump sum though

Quite.

You made a poor word choice and she snapped back. Saying lucky wasn’t the best choice

You say yours is used to feed your child then aren’t you lucky to live in a country that has a social system that supports single parents… see you are both lucky

So she was right and if you were genuinely happy for her then I’d suggest reaching out and repairing the friendship

Well you could work full time, earn more money and not be funded by the tax payer for your lifestyle choice.
Why aren’t you claiming CMS?

You are both getting free money, you probably an awful lot more overall. You made different choices. It isn't her fault you have 3 children you can't afford and you don't have to work full time. I imagine she doesn't feel "lucky" to have an estranged father and your comment touched a nerve.

She has chosen not to have children and her 'free' money has come at zero cost from a private source, you chose to have children and your 'free' money comes at a cost to the taxpayer from public funds. I can see why she why she might have taken umbrage at your comment.

Sorry you deserved the clap back.

I'm glad you are able to receive benefits to help you provide for your children. Its really you ex who should be helping provide for them though.

I suspect your comment about her dad came from a place of envy. Can I blame you? No - I can imagine most people would feel envious of a friend getting such a life changing gift. Being envious does not negate you still being happy for her. You can feel both emotions at the same time. Your comment probably just slipped out - if you had some time to think about its a thought you might not have said out loud.

I suspect she reacted because this money is probably something that she has mentally debated about how she feels about accepting money from a man that did not support her through childhood. She might have both positive and negative feelings about this money and being around someone who is triggering the negative feelings might be something she wants to avoid.

If I was you I would be apologising to her if she feels you have upset her - it seems such a shame to let go of such a long friendship over some careless comments.

This

Many people would view it as your responsibility to take care of your children’s basic needs. Unfortunately, you are unable to provide for them and therefore, rely on money that you haven’t earned to do so. She has compared it because she also got money she hasn’t earned. I’m not sure why you’re offended? At least hers was from a family member - yours is from strangers whose taxes support you.

Also perhaps your friend struggles to feel lucky, because she would've preferred to have a relationship with her father for the 20+ that she didn't?

It's similar to telling someone who's claimed compensation for something bad that's happened to them, "Oh you're so lucky to get that money".

YABU nobody wants comments about their estranged parents especially from their friends. I know this. It’s touching a very raw wound.

And op may still get inheritance off her dad one day as well.

Where on earth have you got that she must be jealous because OP has children?!

But you chose to have children and didn't even stop at one or two. You've got 3 kids and choose to work part time. You are extremely lucky that you live in a country which funds your children's basic needs for you. It is literally free money. You are being extremely unreasonable by begrudging somebody else that luxury.

That’s nothing like an inheritance, op 🙄
So, you both get money for nothing, and you’re offended she’s pointed this out? Why?

But OP’s friend may think OP is lucky as well! Particularly as OP can afford to work part time, if OP’s friend works full time.