Best friend compared her inheritance to my benefits

I’m surprised at the amount of people calling benefits money for nothing considering you’re employed.

Benefits enable her to work part time, if the kids dad did contribute (which he should) she would still be entitled to the same benefits because maintenance doesn’t count towards income for benefits purposes. The wages she gets from her job is what she earns, the tax payer is then subsidising both low wages and part time working. Benefits is indeed money for nothing, because as a society we don’t penalise children for their parents choices, which is a good thing.

I would let it go.
I would prefer to have 3 children and to work part time than to get 50 grand towards a house and work full time. Maybe that’s why she was touchy about it as she would also prefer to have 3 children and to work part time rather than full time.
On a separate note you may be able to buy a house through a part buy part rent scheme. There are ways it can be done. Maybe if this has made you think you want a house look into the ways you can make that happen. My first house was a shared equity one and I didn’t have any money at all for a deposit.

My dad fucked off when I was a toddler, everyone has ALWAYS insisted as his only child I will inherit. He actively hates me, completely cut me off a decade ago and most have realized that its highly unlikely I will ever get anything from him in life but if I did inherit it I would be very lucky.

Its factually a decent amount, includes all my Nanas stuff he inherited (and I DID have a good relationship with her) and would also come with very little pain (unlike when my mam died and I would rather have her back than the money).

Not having a father was not a hardship to my life in anyway. Frankly he is a shitty person and I'm a million times better off without him actively in my life but the money he is sat on (after a lifetime of dodging child support etc...) would logically be a helpful windfall.

People are missing the fact that the ex not providing any support is irrelevant in terms of putting the burden on the tax-payer.
the ex could pay thousands every month and the op would still receive the exact amount of benefits she received now at the cost of the taxpayer. Child maintenance is not counted as income.

my DH pays 1.5k per month to his ex and it is not included in her benefits calculation. She therefore gets nearly 2k in benefits for 3 children + minimum wage. The tax payer is paying for something that the father already covers.

Well I work full time to take care of my children’s basic needs. Decided only to have two. You DO get free money. But you think it’s your basic right. Wake up.

She’s not wrong, and you sound jealous.

"what a peculiar notion"😂

You're referring to person A when when were discussing persons B. Person A isn't relevant. Persons B are both in receipt of handouts.

Your friend could have been a whole lot more tactful.

However there was no need in her such a mean remark.

What was mean about it?

When you look at it analytically, you are both living your lives on the back of Other Buggers' Efforts. (The old OBE joke).

Why is your ex not supporting his children? Your problems lie elsewhere.

Of course you were rightfully upset OP because it’s not comparable. She was probably upset by your comment as she grew up without father and his return to her life stayed a sensitive topic for her. However there was no need in her such a mean remark. You are receiving benefits because you are struggling and the society doesn’t want your children to suffer absolutely not the same as extra support from a family member (even if their relationship is tricky).

You’ve both been given money for nothing, what’s the problem with comparing them??

Is it really worth losing your best friend over one snarky comment, though?

Yep- this! and she doesnt have children so of course she can spend her money on things other than children, like a house, for example. You do have children and so some of your money will naturally go on that because it needs to.

You both have different responsibilities in life so I dont understand why you sound so resentful about her spending her money on a house - why shouldn't she spend her money on a house? if she also had three kids I bet she would be in a more similar situation to you, but she isnt.

I think you need to apologise because saying she is lucky to receive money from a man she probably has all sorts of difficult feelings about is most certainly tactless and a bit hurtful. Her comment to you was snapping back at your perceived slight I bet.

So really you’re feeling bad about your own position and not what she said. Maybe you unintentionally came across as a bit dismissive.

Her comparison was fair because it’s all financial support that you didn’t work for. You can’t see yourself owning a home but were your renting situations similar before she bought her home? If she’s been working full time and struggling to afford private rent she’s been doing the best she can in her circumstances just like you have.

You have three children and she doesn’t. I’d take children over a mortgaged house any day.

Her wage is the money for her part-time employment. Her benefits are the money for her DC because her ex doesn't pay anything so she can't fund the basics without the benefits. Which bit of that is the benefits being for her work?

You sounded jealous, Im afraid.
She has chosen not to have children and she has been fortunate to be gifted some cash from a relative. You’ve chosen to have children that you now can’t afford, and are relying on benefits. The tax payer is helping to fund your children and I think she felt she needed to remind you of that given you felt the need to bring up her free money.

Tbh 50k as a deposit likely means a pretty hefty mortgage most places in the U.K…. Which your friend will only have been able to get through working full time and showing several years of careful budgeting. She’s hardly getting something for nothing.

Free support is free support so it is comparable. I think your comments hit a nerve, she retaliated.

I agree it sounds like a dig.

Also having three children does mean you get a certain safety net she won't ever be entitled to without kids.
You would be higher up the list for social housing, child benefit, work related benefits plus the out of work benefits with young kids, rent and council tax support.

I was much better at Uni being a single parent in terms of grants and bursaries that those without kids.

I’m surprised at the amount of people calling benefits money for nothing considering you’re employed.

You both get money you haven’t earned that improves your lives? Her’s comes from a family member, whereas yours is taken from taxpayers who may well rather it was spent elsewhere. I don’t see why you are so offended.

I mean there not dissimilar OP if you add your benefits up over the years (depending on how long claiming and what you recieve) it's probably not far off just hers is a lump sum from a parent but both are "free" to the recipients.

Her buying a house maybe a pipedream for you but also works both ways she might have wanted kids etc.

Maybe see it from both sides before getting upset at a friend - you say you meant it nicely but it doesn't read that way and it clearly didn't to your friend.

You are probably both being a little over sensitive TBH.

Your friend was without her dad for 20 years, she could quite easily have taken your comment to be less kindly meant than it was.

It really doesn’t sound worth losing a strong friendship over.

Exactly.

Otherwise Christmas presents would be benefits.