Best friend compared her inheritance to my benefits

Agreed.

Being from a financially secure but emotionally dysfunctional family, I get the “But at least…” comments a lot.

If she was talking about it with some negativity it means she had some complicated or some conflicting feelings about it.

Maybe she shouldn’t have spoken about it with you, given your situation, but it does make sense given your clearly close relationship.

But your life choice was to have kids hers isnt? And I think her reply was perfectly fair as well.

I was being generous 😁

Less.

She is right - you are supported by the state (for free), she is supported by her father (for free). What upset you so much? Your support is though much more than hers - surely you realise that?

She works 18 hours per week.
That’s half a week.

This is an excellent point.

Apparently our society has such low expectations of the Menz to do the right thing by their own children, and so little faith in the civil servants of the CMS to actually enforce their own pitiful rulings, that the default assumption is that between them, they will do fuck all. We are expected to suck this up, not question it, and stump up every time.

We should all be questioning this with our MPs and not letting it go. Other countries would be on the streets.

Nobody said she’s planning on living off benefits. But the benefits are money for nothing not for her work. What point were you making?

Totally get why you were offended, @theusualdrama it didn't bear comparison and your friend was crass and insensitive to basically rub your nose in the fact you need to claim benefits. I can see why you have felt too uncomfortable to talk to her.

It doesn’t really matter who was right and who was wrong, I wouldn’t lose a good friend over this. It sounds like you are both touchy and maybe it was a miscommunication. Make the first move if you want your friend back.

You both sound like tact-free zones but you started it so ...

I didn't read everyone else's responses yet but from your posts, it sounds like you both meant well but somehow triggered each other, causing the conversation to take an unexpected sour turn.

If you want to keep this friendship, why not consider just texting her. "Hey, I am very, very sorry about the unexpected turn our last conversation took. I think we both had the best of intentions but it all somehow got jumbled. Meet for lunch this week?

This!

I earn a lot. I know people in my life who have low paid jobs, crap absent fathers and really struggle. I empathise

You're both getting money you haven't earned. You get yours because she goes to work all day to pay for it.

I don't begrudge anybody on benefits; I wish I lived in a society where those who needed them received much more. But I pay thousands each month in tax; if someone on benefits commented on me getting a handout because a family member had gifted me something, I think my response would be a little curt too!

I didn’t say it’s for her work, I said “considering you’re employed”. Which clearly means she’s not planning on just living off of benefits.

I mean, I think she is very wrong to compare the two in any meaningful way, but I can't see any way in which it is personally offensive? I can see getting into a political argument (of the discussion kind) about the differences, but why anyone would feel they had ben insulted is beyond me.

Why isn't your children's father paying CMS?

Your friends father is giving her his financial support - aren't you just jealous?

What do you mean you dont share the same perspective? this is all about choices isnt it?- you chose to have three kids so you now have less available cash to buy a house.

She chose not to have kids and therefore can spend money on a house, because she doesnt have kids to pay for. It has nothing to do with perspective and everything to do with consequences of lifestyle choices. I have two kids, would have liked a third but we couldnt afford it at the time so we didnt.

You are coming across as quite resentful and bitter tbh

That’s irrelevant - yes it will be in the estate if he dies within 7 years or he may live many years more

regardless, op has said it came off her future inheritance so she will get that much less than her siblings

How much do you work, OP?

OP - do not listen to those spouting in about you being given ‘money for nothing’ - you work and pay taxes and are given the minimum amount of top ups so you can survive with three children to juggle into the mix

That is VASTLY different from a childless friend able to work with no restrictions and having £50000 bunged to her in addition to her unfettered ability to work and earn a full time wage.

what utter nonsense I see on MN these days.

Did you have all your three children, and after that their father suddenly decided to leave?

There are rules around cash gifts, currently its £3,000 per year (then there are survival terms eg if within 7 years tax payable). I wonder how they have gotten around that, maybe just not declared, but she could be in trouble if he dies and probate turns up the £50K and may be liable for tax, not sure if it would be included in inheritable allowance if it was given when alive. Might make you feel a bit better. Could be all sorts of reasons she justified her windfall like that, rightly or wrongly if you have been best friends for 15 years it should be possible to talk it through. good luck.

I wonder if perhaps your tone came across as jealous rather than positive as you meant it to be and she snapped back.

Maybe give it a few days they give her a ring.