Best friend compared her inheritance to my benefits

Is choosing to have 3 children a 'misfortune'?!
If course it's not, it's a choice that has consequences, including higher costs and it potentially being harder to work full time and earn more.

But you could argue that it's the other money she has that you don't have that has made the difference in your lifestyles, the money she perhaps earns and has saved?
Shes right it's money you are both being given that you haven't had to earn via work. You see to think you 'deserve' the free money more than she does because you have to spend it on your children but you chose to have those children?

I don’t really understand the issue. You both receive/received free money albeit from different sources. You need to use your free money to feed your kids and thats down to the choices you made. She uses her free money to get on the property ladder/make home improvements and that’s down to the choices she made. Either way you are both very lucky to be receiving free money regardless of where it comes from.

Agree with this.

You’re getting benefits essentially from those who are net taxpayers ie high earners. She has been given money from an estranged parent. Her parent may or may not have expectations that come with that money. The taxpayer cannot expect anything from you in return. Her father may well expect a relationship, care, etc.

Yes but there is a language and culture of rights and entitlement around benefits 'only claiming what I'm entitled to'. Maybe that's why the poster sees it differently.
In fairness, we also have a culture of entitlement around inheritance as well.

This

@theusualdrama AND why arent you getting cms from the father of your kids???

This, really!

I cannot believe the number of people here resenting a person for living on benefits. It is very disheartening. Is this how majority people think in the UK? I am glad I do not live there. Where I live, people do not blame others for their misfortunes. And, no I do not and never had to live on benefits, but if did I would not think myself lucky for it.

These two are absolutely not the same things. OP gets benefits to feed her family, pay bills and live day to day. Her friend got a fortune, suddenly and unexpectedly, that will enable to her to become a homeowner, which is out of the reach for the OP.

OP you are not being unreasonable, these things are not the same at all. What you told her was a fact, and she was being mean to you. I would not reach out to this friend again.

Ffs, these comments are classic Mumsnet 😂 of course receiving benefits to help feed and clothe your kids isn’t the same as receiving a lump sum of 50 grand 🤣

Surely you see that you are being given money, as opposed to what you earn from working part-time, that gives you a standard of life you otherwise couldn't afford? Imagine life with only what you earn?
Your friend was clumsy,, but your overthinking is the only difference.

You'd be able to afford a house without three children. She doesn't have children, so can afford the house. What would bring more pleasure to you?

Maybe as somebody that works full-time, and pays taxes that support your lifestyle choice to work part-time, she found it a bit rich for you to try and shame her for receiving the parental support that's enabled her to buy a house?

Yes, completely agree. But it won't change.
I'm old enough to remember when the gov in the 1990s tried to do something about this. The howls of 'it's not fair men are made to pay' could be heard from outer space. Lots of those complaints came from women as well, second wives and partners. You see it on here all the time as well, women talking about how their partner ex bleeds them dry.

Only because she seems to think they’re distinct from her friend’s money in some way that the rest of us don’t follow. It’s all money that’s come to them unearned but OP takes umbrage at that idea because she has kids or something, it’s not quite clear.

Agree. But her money is from the tax payer. Her friends money isn’t.

Your point is?

Sadly feckless fathers get a vote, if they can be bothered to exercise it. However, the tragedy is that no political party is raising this as the massive issue that it is.

So none of us get a vote on it, and nothing is done.

Agreed. You had three children. I have two because I couldn't see how we could comfortably afford a third though I longed for a third child. And I work 55- 60 hours every week (just got home after a 12:hour day) so I'm pretty envious of your 18 hours too and somewhat bitter...

YABU - least her money isn’t from the tax payer. she works FT and has received some inheritance early. Your comment about being ‘lucky’ was unnecessary so I’m not surprised she retaliated.

I’m with you. The two are not comparable.

I can sorta understand her being upset but her comment seems reactive and sounded spiteful whereas I think what you said was maybe a bit clumsy but not ill meant.

I’m not from the UK, but how is it that you have so many single mothers? And fathers who get away with it? It’s extreme, compared to most other countries. What kind of society lets this happen? It’s like going back 150 years in time.

Well it is her right to claim benefits, regardless of what the public think of it. Laws about it and everything cementing all these rights.

It looks like you think of your benefits as earned money. You have earnt it because you have three kids and are working (very little). Someone is working a lot more than you, to psy for your choices. To pay for you not working a lot, and deciding to have three kids.

This, makes you sound entitled and out of touch with reality.

Apart from the fact that men vote as well.

@pinkdelight my point is that I was surprised, that’s all? Most of the comments towards OP were passive aggressive about her benefits and I was surprised