Best friend compared her inheritance to my benefits

It isn’t.

VAT?
Council tax
National insurance contributions
PAYE

All ways that people are taxed - no one escapes.

If I pay £10 in tax, and get £20 back, that is in effect free money.
I'm glad we live in a society with this safety net. But there is no need to feel so offended by mathematical facts. It isn't a judgement, but it should be acknowledged.
Very few of us are net contributors.

Well me and my husband both work full time but can’t afford to have a 3rd child. Therefore, we have made a choice not to have one.

I feel differently. People should not live forever and they should give when they can. Not after they die.

The bigger question here is why so many men don’t take responsibility for their DC. They leave the state to pay benefits for them. I’ve always wondered if women can see through these men earlier but don’t believe they are capable of desertion. Anyway getting money you haven’t earned is still getting money even if what it’s spent on is different.

They’re still free. It’s literally a handout from the government.

I think they should exist, we need them. No
problem with benefits. They should often be higher for certain a circumstances! But… it is free money.

Because the absent dad isn't the one posting on here. And he's not the one insulting his friend and getting arsey about it when they snap back. Allowing non-resident parents to get away with not paying child support is a massive problem. I would support the introduction of much tougher sanctions, even prison time, because it is ultimately child neglect. But that is not what the OPs post was about and nor the posts I was responding to.

I absolutely would not support children being shoved into deep poverty. I happily pay my taxes and think we all have a fundamental duty to provide for those more vulnerable. However, that doesn't mean I think the benefits system works as it is. It encourages parents to work very little when it's work that should pay. It also does not adequately support childless single people if they fall on hard times. I would much prefer we focused on reducing housing costs for all instead of covering up the crap wages employers pay by giving many people more in benefits than they pay in tax.

Benefits are not ‘free’ they are often means tested and there’s a savings limit to all of them (except DLA/PIP)

Working part time and claiming benefits for 3 kids is going to mount up to more than £50K by the time it’s all said and done. So, calling her lucky for getting that when you’ll be getting more was a bit off.

You’ve chosen very different lifestyles so you’re going to have different outlooks and potential futures, and different options during your lifetime. Some people get money from family, some people qualify for benefits, some people get no help at all. Commenting on it is just sort of seen as rude. You’re unhappy at her comments on your benefits. She is unhappy about your comments on her inheritance. Do you see? It’s the same thing. It was rude to comment, and there might have been an undertone of jealousy from you. She also may feel like she can’t discuss her life with you due to the vast difference in your circumstances now that you have started commenting on it when it was probably easier to have the friendship if personal opinions like that were kept out of it.

I stand by my earlier statement.
MN has become an utter cess pit.

Bring back the Vipers

Fuck me the way benefit recipients are seen on mumsnet is just unreal. And blaming OP for her "choice" to have three kids with a shit absent dad! Unbelievable.

That's rather the point though. Plenty of people do have £50k handed to them on a plate. Whether or not they can spend it as they might prefer is really irrelevant. Benefits and inheritances are both free money.

But everyone’s family dies. It’s better to receive an inheritance when they die than not to.

A thoughtless remark but when the day comes for her to receive her inheritance, I can tell you now that she'd likely swap the whole lot for one more day. If you were lined up to receive one yourself, you'd gladly give it all back too (unless you are estranged etc, obvs.).

Because she is lucky to have her fathers support. Not many people get that or £50k handed to them on a plate.

No children so no child benefits. I have private medical insurance.
I'm also a net contributor which means I pay more in direct and indirect taxes than I receive in benefits and benefits-in-kind (which includes nhs, travel subsidies, education etc).

I recognise I'm both lucky and unlucky to be in this position. Lucky because I earn enough to support myself and some people can't through no fault of their own. But also unlucky, infertility is no joke. So it does annoy me when various posters claim that there is no luxury to being able to work part-time and get topped up by the state, receiving more income than the childless on full time minimum wage and having a higher standard of living. One poster even described the OPs situation as subsistence living!

It's trendy atm to be down on anyone, at any time, using benefits for any reason. As such, lots of the replies here will be snarky and purposefully miss the point.

The situations are, of course, completely different. Your friend was being tactless at best, and rude and stroppy at worst, saying what she did. Maybe she feels a bit awkward about her windfall, for whatever reason? Or maybe she's like a lot of people atm, who think that people receiving benefits, need reminding how they are GETTING MONEY FOR DOING NOTHING, at every possible opportunity 🙄. Hopefully it's the former x

There’s a big difference between getting an inheritance of 50000 to receiving top up benefits each month to survive! Typical mumsnet hating on any benefits recipient though 🙄

Buy dairy? The price you’re paying is heavily subsidised by state handouts to farmers.

and on and on and on.

The OP didn’t ‘choose’ to have children on her own….why aren’t you asking him to fork out for his children?

Because THAT is the problem - the system allowing fathers to just get away with being absent.

Im sure you’d rather see children shoved into deep poverty instead..which is incredibly shortsighted if you gave a moments though to the quarter century life chances of having had suck a childhood and the future cost to the state. Prison and mental health units are very costly. And that’s the top of the iceberg.

What do you mean how they have got round that, the dad isnt dead. It’s only an issue and needs to be declared if he’s died in which case it’s added to the total estate for determining the inheritance tax due.

I think people are very lucky to be able to live in a country that financially supports them and their family. There are very few countries in the world where a single parent to 3 children would be able to work part-time and still be able to rent a house, put food on the table, clothes on backs etc.

It's also lucky to have a well off relative hand over 50k.

Do you claim child benefit? State handouts.

NHS? State handouts

Pokice, Fire service, road maintenance, maintenance of local parks, bin collection? State handouts.

I could go on.

I don't read the Daily Mail. I have read many threads on here from single mothers claiming to be better off working part-time and claiming UC than if they worked full-time.

I also know that I cannot afford to work part-time, despite the fact my living costs are much cheaper than the OPs because I don't have 3 kids. But then I don't get any state handouts.

And OP’s wealth shif absent dad gave nothing. So, yea, the ‘friend’ IS lucky her shit absent dad decided to throw her a bone. OP got no bone thrown.

Life is a bundle of luck.

friend should count herself lucky. Because she is.

Take that £50,000 windfall from the shit dad and recognise the vast majority of shit duds (no pun intended) do no such thing.

And yhd OP didn’t…re-read her OP.

You are wrong.
Her friend bit back after the OP implying she was lucky that her shit absent dad gave her £50k. To say she’s “lucky” she had help implies the friend had no part in the matter and didn’t earn what she had. She’s likely got a big mortgage to go with it, it’s rude and spiteful thing to say, and drips with jealousy.
as for me-I work part time in a moderately paid NHS job and live in rented social housing. No privilege and certainly no inheritance (and never will have one). Don’t begrudge my friends who have, though.