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Original poster

School playing down sexual assault on son

83 replies

CallawayV · 02/04/2025 12:48

Sorry for long post-

My son came home last night worried about some conversations happening in his class and the actions and words of two boys. These kids are 10. Boy A is talking about putting women in the back of vans and raping them or handcuffing them up and raping them. And then he talks about the “white goo that comes out your penis”. He’s also talked explicitly about sex acts that he says he’s seen on Onlyfans! Then Boy B joins in these conversations and describes sex acts.

The worst is, the other day, while my son was in the playground drawing with chalk on a wall, Boy B pushed him up against the wall and starting humping him from behind and make groaning noises (imitating sex). Other boys joined in despite my son telling them to get off him. Then he said Boy B grabbed him hard between the legs and it made my son yell out.

he’s described boy A and B imitating touching each other’s privates with toys in the playground and making weird noises.

Last night I told my son to stay away from the boys and i reported all this to the school this morning as im worried for my son but also what these kids have access to at home.

Ive just had a call from the school thanking me for the information and saying it has been logged but they can’t tell me any more - I understand that. But then they said my son’s teacher said he does “seek these boys out” and isn’t staying away from them like I asked. I feel like they’re trying to make it sound like my son’s fault!

I got I bit annoyed at that and asked what action would be taken about Boy B who pinned my son against a wall and grabbed his privates because if that had been a girl it happened to, I think there would be consequences. I was basically told they could have a member of staff with my son at play times but they assumed I wouldn’t want to make a big deal of it for him and make him stand out! And all they offered was for his teacher to talk to him about staying away from these boys. I said no as that’s the same teacher who said he seeks them out so I’m worried the conversation will make my son feel like it’s his fault.
AIBU to think the school should be protecting my son and that the boys doing and saying these things are the ones who should have a member of staff with him? I feel I’ve given the school info and the ones who will get the support are the kids doing this (that’s fine they need it) while my son gets viewed as a problem rather than a victim who also requires support???
do any teachers/safeguarding staff have any insights on how they think this matter should be dealt with. Is my school doing the right thing?

OP posts:
GoFaster83 · 02/04/2025 13:33

They're hoping you go quietly while they try to deal with the boys. I get it, they've a lot to deal with but your child shouldn't be subject to a trial and error approach and obviously you need reassurance that he is safe.

OhHellolittleone · 02/04/2025 13:28

It’s called peer on peer abuse. Use the buzz word. It’s very serious and is a safeguarding issue. They need to be proactive in stopping it happening rather than victim blaming.

MesmerisingMuon · 02/04/2025 13:26

I would consider involving the police and they should be involving social services.

This is about a 10 year old boy watching p*rn and re-enacting what he has seen on other children.

It's NOT ok for this to happen and the school's response is also not OK. My school (secondary) have just given a 5 day suspension to a Y8 boy who did something similar.

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 02/04/2025 13:24

I would also contact the police. Your son was assaulted at school. These kids are clearly being exposed to pornography at the very least, which is also child abuse.

StopStartStop · 02/04/2025 13:23

Sdpbody · 02/04/2025 13:17

I would go to social services, the police and Ofsted.

This is deeply worrying and shows you how damaging porn is to boys minds.

This.

Sdpbody · 02/04/2025 13:17

I would go to social services, the police and Ofsted.

This is deeply worrying and shows you how damaging porn is to boys minds.

Whowhatwhere21 · 02/04/2025 13:17

I had similar with my son when he was in Yr 5. It became an almost daily occurrence for him to be sexually touched by another boy in his class. I reported to his teacher, head teacher, safeguarding, governors. Nobody cared because the other boy had ADHD and they said they have a plan in place to help him but had to work on it, in the meantime my son continued to suffer and started to refuse to go to school.
I actually got desperate and rang child line one evening. They had social services and the police at the school the following day and it was all dealt with, but I'd lost my trust in the school and moved my son somewhere else.

Jellycatspyjamas · 02/04/2025 13:00

No they’re not. I’d ask the school for a written plan to keep your child safe that doesn’t disadvantage him in any way. If they think staff supervision is needed they should supervise the other boys, if they think they all need separated it’s the other boys who get moved.

I would arrange a meeting with the HT and the safeguarding lead, I’d be asking what actions they’ve taken to address the safeguarding concerns you’ve raised and how they plan to keep your child safe. I’d want a written record of the meeting. I’d also draw clear parallels between what happened to your son and how that would have been addressed if it had been a girl. Schools are too quick to dismiss it as boys being boys but it’s harmful and needs addressed.

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