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Original poster

School playing down sexual assault on son

83 replies

CallawayV · 02/04/2025 12:48

Sorry for long post-

My son came home last night worried about some conversations happening in his class and the actions and words of two boys. These kids are 10. Boy A is talking about putting women in the back of vans and raping them or handcuffing them up and raping them. And then he talks about the “white goo that comes out your penis”. He’s also talked explicitly about sex acts that he says he’s seen on Onlyfans! Then Boy B joins in these conversations and describes sex acts.

The worst is, the other day, while my son was in the playground drawing with chalk on a wall, Boy B pushed him up against the wall and starting humping him from behind and make groaning noises (imitating sex). Other boys joined in despite my son telling them to get off him. Then he said Boy B grabbed him hard between the legs and it made my son yell out.

he’s described boy A and B imitating touching each other’s privates with toys in the playground and making weird noises.

Last night I told my son to stay away from the boys and i reported all this to the school this morning as im worried for my son but also what these kids have access to at home.

Ive just had a call from the school thanking me for the information and saying it has been logged but they can’t tell me any more - I understand that. But then they said my son’s teacher said he does “seek these boys out” and isn’t staying away from them like I asked. I feel like they’re trying to make it sound like my son’s fault!

I got I bit annoyed at that and asked what action would be taken about Boy B who pinned my son against a wall and grabbed his privates because if that had been a girl it happened to, I think there would be consequences. I was basically told they could have a member of staff with my son at play times but they assumed I wouldn’t want to make a big deal of it for him and make him stand out! And all they offered was for his teacher to talk to him about staying away from these boys. I said no as that’s the same teacher who said he seeks them out so I’m worried the conversation will make my son feel like it’s his fault.
AIBU to think the school should be protecting my son and that the boys doing and saying these things are the ones who should have a member of staff with him? I feel I’ve given the school info and the ones who will get the support are the kids doing this (that’s fine they need it) while my son gets viewed as a problem rather than a victim who also requires support???
do any teachers/safeguarding staff have any insights on how they think this matter should be dealt with. Is my school doing the right thing?

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 02/04/2025 15:36

Don't waste your time with the school while your child is being sexually assaulted. Call police and social services. Today.

MrsCastle · 02/04/2025 15:22

To me It sounds from what you’ve said like they are dealing with it and have said they obviously can’t share those details with you but glad you have brought it to light

and have offered your son one to one and mentoring support from the teacher.

redpickle · 02/04/2025 15:17

0808 800 5000 is the correct NSPCC Helpline number.

They run Childline for young people and the number above for people with concerns about a child. You can also find information about how they can help on the NSPCC website
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/reporting-abuse/nspcc-helpline/

ItGhoul · 02/04/2025 15:11

Did the child specifically say OnlyFans is where he's seen sex acts? Because if that's the case, then someone is allowing him to log in to their account - OnlyFans is a paid-for subscription service that costs money. A kid could access something on a free porn site (of which there are obviously thousands) simply through having unsupervised internet access with inadequate controls set on it, but to access OnlyFans, I'd be really concerned that an adult was deliberately showing them this stuff or encouraging them to watch it, which is an obvious sexual abuse / grooming issue.

Honestly, bearing that in mind in addition to the assault on your son, I think I would be contacting social services / the police / the NSPCC. I'm sure there's a good chance the school have already done that (as they obviously wouldn't be able to disclose that to you) but I'm amazed they l haven't taken the assault itself more seriously given that it was clearly sexual. Do you think they're taking it less seriously because it's a boy assaulting another boy, rather than a boy assaulting a girl?! It sounds like their response has been absolute shite.

Jellycatspyjamas · 02/04/2025 15:00

Please don’t phone Childline, they’re a service for children and young people. The school (again), police and social work are all the right agencies to contact.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 02/04/2025 15:00

Ask the safeguarding lead for a recorded meeting and get them to confirm the plan they’ve identified (that your son be supervised). Then ask them how this safeguards other pupils from the risk these boys pose. Also ask the school for a copy of any policy they have regarding child on child abuse, and their general safeguarding policy for how they respond to concerns about a child, such as sexual behaviour which can be an indicator of sexual abuse.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 02/04/2025 14:52

Ring childline. Good luck, sounds horrendous.

Snippit · 02/04/2025 14:43

Snippit · 02/04/2025 14:38

All of the above, also boy A and B’s parents should be contacted, they NEED to be aware about the situation!

Show quote history

Also, the two boys who attacked little Jamie Bulger were only ten years old. What are they seeing at home to initiate this behaviour. Various authorities need alerting with regards to their behaviour, it just isn’t normal.

Snippit · 02/04/2025 14:38

Jellycatspyjamas · 02/04/2025 13:00

No they’re not. I’d ask the school for a written plan to keep your child safe that doesn’t disadvantage him in any way. If they think staff supervision is needed they should supervise the other boys, if they think they all need separated it’s the other boys who get moved.

I would arrange a meeting with the HT and the safeguarding lead, I’d be asking what actions they’ve taken to address the safeguarding concerns you’ve raised and how they plan to keep your child safe. I’d want a written record of the meeting. I’d also draw clear parallels between what happened to your son and how that would have been addressed if it had been a girl. Schools are too quick to dismiss it as boys being boys but it’s harmful and needs addressed.

All of the above, also boy A and B’s parents should be contacted, they NEED to be aware about the situation!

pleasepackitin · 02/04/2025 14:33

10 years old!! I was horrified reading that as a mother of a 10 year old boy too.

Aoppley · 02/04/2025 14:24

Absolutely report this to the police and social services. Your son was sexually assaulted. If adult men did what those boy did to your son they could face arrest.

And the other boys are being abused or neglected at home to be behaving that way.

LandSharksAnonymous · 02/04/2025 14:23

Police, Ofsted, Social Services, Governors (if applicable).

But I absolutely would remove my child from the school - today - and I would make damn sure they knew why.

Oh, and I would 100% be taking it further that a teach essentially said your son had 'asked for it' (so to speak) by 'seeking the boys out' because that is, essentially, what she implied in her words when you raised your concerns. That is despicable and there is no coming back from that IMO. She shouldn't be a teacher.

caringcarer · 02/04/2025 14:23

Hayley1256 · 02/04/2025 13:35

I think I'd report this to the police tbh

I'd definitely report to police. Your DC was sexually assaulted at school, you reported it to staff who dismissed it.

GoFaster83 · 02/04/2025 14:20

I've been thinking about this since I posted. Please do call social services and the council. Your son doesn't deserve this and these kids are quite likely being exposed to something too. I know it shouldn't come down to you to help the situation but if school aren't, you might be the only adult that is there for them and your son.

northerneast · 02/04/2025 14:12

I would not put my child back into school until they could guarantee his safety. Also agree re contacting police and social services.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/04/2025 14:12

simpledeer · 02/04/2025 14:09

They’re 10.

Police.

Yep. Your poor son and poor you, how awful.

simpledeer · 02/04/2025 14:09

They’re 10.

Police.

notmyhusbandsproperty · 02/04/2025 14:08

And the end of the day your poor son has been sexually assaulted and I would consider that a police matter.

Crazydoglady1980 · 02/04/2025 13:53

This is what the school should be following
https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/66d7301b9084b18b95709f75/Keepingchildrensafeineducation2024.pdf

There are specific guidelines around managing sexualised behaviours from page 111 which discusses not minimising behaviours as they will be come normalised

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/66d7301b9084b18b95709f75/Keeping_children_safe_in_education_2024.pdf

Namenamchange · 02/04/2025 13:50

Look at the behaviour policy, and is it being followed, peer on peer abuse should be part of the policy.

Is he likely to go to secondary school with them?

Sodthesystem · 02/04/2025 13:50

The boy talking about rape is being exposed to an abuser and vile material in his home environment. The police and social services need to be informed.

WaffleParty · 02/04/2025 13:45

Definitely follow this up. Ask for a meeting with the head teacher.
If that isn’t satisfactory then send your concerns to the Safeguarding lead on the Govenors.
This is peer on peer abuse and the school HAVE to take it seriously.
EscalatIng it will also help boys A and B get the help they need. There is obviously abuse of some kind happening to one or both of them.

UriahHeepsWriggleRoom · 02/04/2025 13:42

Agree with others that you should contact the police. This happened to my daughter and two of the female teachers basically accused her of trying to get them into trouble. What that really meant was they didn't want any blemish on their 'outstanding school' status and were demanding collusion with their denial that all 70 children in the year 6 group were 'nice'. She developed PTSD as a result and is still dealing with the consequences of it now. Your son is lucky to have you advocate on his behalf no parent should be left feeling that protecting their child is a problem.

Hayley1256 · 02/04/2025 13:35

I think I'd report this to the police tbh

LillylollyAndy · 02/04/2025 13:34

Those 10 year old boys are being abused themselves in some way. Now they are unknowingly harming others. Report it to social services

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