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Original poster

School playing down sexual assault on son

83 replies

CallawayV · 02/04/2025 12:48

Sorry for long post-

My son came home last night worried about some conversations happening in his class and the actions and words of two boys. These kids are 10. Boy A is talking about putting women in the back of vans and raping them or handcuffing them up and raping them. And then he talks about the “white goo that comes out your penis”. He’s also talked explicitly about sex acts that he says he’s seen on Onlyfans! Then Boy B joins in these conversations and describes sex acts.

The worst is, the other day, while my son was in the playground drawing with chalk on a wall, Boy B pushed him up against the wall and starting humping him from behind and make groaning noises (imitating sex). Other boys joined in despite my son telling them to get off him. Then he said Boy B grabbed him hard between the legs and it made my son yell out.

he’s described boy A and B imitating touching each other’s privates with toys in the playground and making weird noises.

Last night I told my son to stay away from the boys and i reported all this to the school this morning as im worried for my son but also what these kids have access to at home.

Ive just had a call from the school thanking me for the information and saying it has been logged but they can’t tell me any more - I understand that. But then they said my son’s teacher said he does “seek these boys out” and isn’t staying away from them like I asked. I feel like they’re trying to make it sound like my son’s fault!

I got I bit annoyed at that and asked what action would be taken about Boy B who pinned my son against a wall and grabbed his privates because if that had been a girl it happened to, I think there would be consequences. I was basically told they could have a member of staff with my son at play times but they assumed I wouldn’t want to make a big deal of it for him and make him stand out! And all they offered was for his teacher to talk to him about staying away from these boys. I said no as that’s the same teacher who said he seeks them out so I’m worried the conversation will make my son feel like it’s his fault.
AIBU to think the school should be protecting my son and that the boys doing and saying these things are the ones who should have a member of staff with him? I feel I’ve given the school info and the ones who will get the support are the kids doing this (that’s fine they need it) while my son gets viewed as a problem rather than a victim who also requires support???
do any teachers/safeguarding staff have any insights on how they think this matter should be dealt with. Is my school doing the right thing?

OP posts:
SnakebitesandSambucas · 02/04/2025 17:57

I would log with police and social services download a copy off it all. Send it to school safeguarding lead and governors. Paper trail is vital use the words " peer on peer abuse" keeping children safe in schools there is an specific acronym but baby brain 🧠. Kick up a fuss. Do not feel guilty. It's a real problem. Your poor son 😞. It used to be swept under the carpet I speak from experience. Schools are sometimes very lax and image is everything. Be firm objective and strong. Ps maybe organise some play therapy for your child school should have resources or police can make a referral. Also dont be scared if social services visit or call you as a routine check. It's not a blemish on you. They can unlock some food resources as well.

Snugglemonkey · 02/04/2025 17:55

LandSharksAnonymous · 02/04/2025 14:23

Police, Ofsted, Social Services, Governors (if applicable).

But I absolutely would remove my child from the school - today - and I would make damn sure they knew why.

Oh, and I would 100% be taking it further that a teach essentially said your son had 'asked for it' (so to speak) by 'seeking the boys out' because that is, essentially, what she implied in her words when you raised your concerns. That is despicable and there is no coming back from that IMO. She shouldn't be a teacher.

Edited

This really concerned me too. Total victim blaming!

itsgettingweird · 02/04/2025 17:50

Tell the school your son doesn’t need someone with him to keep him safe.

he’s be safe is they removed the other boys.

you need to reference KIPSE (keeping children safe in education) and children child abuse.

remind them the usual response se would be to keep the perpetrators away from the victim or any potential victim.

say you will take it further if they don’t deal with the perpetrators to prevent it.

do remember though that in children often both sides are seen as victims as often those instigating sexual assault have been assaulted themselves or exposed to unsuitable material.

morbidd · 02/04/2025 17:50

Sdpbody · 02/04/2025 13:17

I would go to social services, the police and Ofsted.

This is deeply worrying and shows you how damaging porn is to boys minds.

This 100%

Mrsdyna · 02/04/2025 17:49

ThesebeautifulthingsthatIvegot · 02/04/2025 17:48

Has anyone suggested it's ok?

Show quote history

The school, can you read? It's the whole point of the post.

ThesebeautifulthingsthatIvegot · 02/04/2025 17:48

Mrsdyna · 02/04/2025 17:41

How can schools think it's acceptable for children to have to put up with things like this?

How would the teacher feel if their coworkers humped them?

Has anyone suggested it's ok?

ThesebeautifulthingsthatIvegot · 02/04/2025 17:47

Where is everyone getting the information that there have been no consequences for child A and child B? Or that there have been no referrals to social services?

OP has been offered a solution for her child. It's not a solution that feels acceptable to OP, which is fair enough given what has happened.

OP was not told about whether a social services referral had been made for other children, nor what their consequences were for their actions.

OP, go back to the school and say you want to talk again about the issue again and explain what you would like as a solution. If you are unhappy with this meeting, then check and follow the school's complaints procedure. If you also want to report to the police through 101, do that too.

Mrsdyna · 02/04/2025 17:41

How can schools think it's acceptable for children to have to put up with things like this?

How would the teacher feel if their coworkers humped them?

ButThisIsMyHappyFace · 02/04/2025 17:29

StartAnew · 02/04/2025 16:27

Yes, I would be asking the same thing if it was a girl. Not because this means that any abuse is the child's 'fault' if he or she is seeking them out, but because in the absence of any strong safeguarding by the school, it would be important for the child to stay away from this crowd and/or to talk about what is the attraction.

Show quote history

Ah I see. Thank you for clarifying.

justanotherchangeofname · 02/04/2025 16:32

Police would have to put a crime in for this with the boys being the age of criminal responsibility- they will have to investigate and should at least speak to the school/kids/parents. In turn, they'll be I firing their own safeguarding team who will refer through to social services!

Snorlaxo · 02/04/2025 16:31

Yanbu to think that this is unacceptable.

Many schools are lax when it comes to year 5s and 6s ime because they are waiting it out until the kids leave the school and will be thinking that the Easter holidays will hopefully help things blow over.

I hope that another poster would have ideas about who to complain to but head and governors would be high on my list.

StartAnew · 02/04/2025 16:27

ButThisIsMyHappyFace · 02/04/2025 16:09

Would you be asking that if a little girl had been assaulted? After all, this is what Social Services said about the girls in Rotherham and elsewhere, and rightly people were appalled. Whether you meant it or not, it sounds as if you think OP’s son is responsible for the assault on him. He isn’t.

Ultimately this is a very serious safeguarding issue. Peer-on-peer or child-on-child SA is on the rise and is covered in KCSIE (the legislation that deals with child protection in schools). OP, you should report this to the police, because boys A and B are being exposed to things they should not be seeing. This is a huge red flag - they may be being abused themselves.

Show quote history

Yes, I would be asking the same thing if it was a girl. Not because this means that any abuse is the child's 'fault' if he or she is seeking them out, but because in the absence of any strong safeguarding by the school, it would be important for the child to stay away from this crowd and/or to talk about what is the attraction.

PerkyShark · 02/04/2025 16:26

You need to report this to the police.

Cecilly · 02/04/2025 16:24

A very similar thing happened to my daughter when she was 5. The little boy who did it to her was only 7. He sexually assaulted other children in the classroom as well as my daughter but school wouldn’t do anything because he had special needs. So I called the police and social services. I then pulled my daughter out and moved her to another school because I couldn’t face the fact that she would be seeing her abuser every day. It was too much.

NewYearNewJob2024 · 02/04/2025 16:19

Wow, I was horrified reading that. I'd like to think the school are dealing with it effectively but what you've said doesn't fill me with confidence.

They should themselves have contacted social services as a safeguarding concern in relation to the other boys.

If it were me, I wouldn't be sending him back to school for the time being. I'd contact the school again and say you're still concerned and not happy with their response and will be contacting social services and the police yourself and you'll wait to hear from them with the outcome.

Thay behaviour is just deeply worrying. Hope your son is okay OP, and good luck navigating this.

Sassybooklover · 02/04/2025 16:18

I work in a school and there's been times we need to keep an eye on a particular child. We don't stand with that child, but observe from a discreet but visible distance. There's absolutely no reason having a staff member who's specific job outside is to observe your son, would 'draw attention' to him. The other children would have no idea why that staff member is there! Equally, it can go the other way, that a staff member can be there observing the other two boys, without them realising!! Monitoring goes on in schools, for varying reasons. You need to have a proper formal meeting with the safeguarding lead.

TooBigForMyBoots · 02/04/2025 16:10

Contact the NSPCC. They'll give you expert advice.Thanks

ButThisIsMyHappyFace · 02/04/2025 16:09

StartAnew · 02/04/2025 16:03

This is worrying in several ways.
The school need to do more, but they may have a point about DS seeking the boys out. Have you asked him whether this is true and if so why he does it?

Would you be asking that if a little girl had been assaulted? After all, this is what Social Services said about the girls in Rotherham and elsewhere, and rightly people were appalled. Whether you meant it or not, it sounds as if you think OP’s son is responsible for the assault on him. He isn’t.

Ultimately this is a very serious safeguarding issue. Peer-on-peer or child-on-child SA is on the rise and is covered in KCSIE (the legislation that deals with child protection in schools). OP, you should report this to the police, because boys A and B are being exposed to things they should not be seeing. This is a huge red flag - they may be being abused themselves.

miamimmmy · 02/04/2025 16:07

id go outside the school to be sure something was actually being done - telling your ds not to seek the boys out is besides the main point here that these kids are acting really inappropriately and showing red flag behaviours.

yes, it’s a basic self protection thing to keep away from kids behaving badly and your ds does need to get this but hard to do in a school playground…I assume this isn’t a massive school with a huge pool of other friends available?

Moier · 02/04/2025 16:06

Ring Social services / the police and take your son out of school until everything has been sorted to your satisfaction.

StartAnew · 02/04/2025 16:03

This is worrying in several ways.
The school need to do more, but they may have a point about DS seeking the boys out. Have you asked him whether this is true and if so why he does it?

Original poster
CallawayV · 02/04/2025 16:01

ItGhoul · 02/04/2025 15:11

Did the child specifically say OnlyFans is where he's seen sex acts? Because if that's the case, then someone is allowing him to log in to their account - OnlyFans is a paid-for subscription service that costs money. A kid could access something on a free porn site (of which there are obviously thousands) simply through having unsupervised internet access with inadequate controls set on it, but to access OnlyFans, I'd be really concerned that an adult was deliberately showing them this stuff or encouraging them to watch it, which is an obvious sexual abuse / grooming issue.

Honestly, bearing that in mind in addition to the assault on your son, I think I would be contacting social services / the police / the NSPCC. I'm sure there's a good chance the school have already done that (as they obviously wouldn't be able to disclose that to you) but I'm amazed they l haven't taken the assault itself more seriously given that it was clearly sexual. Do you think they're taking it less seriously because it's a boy assaulting another boy, rather than a boy assaulting a girl?! It sounds like their response has been absolute shite.

Yes he said that’s where the other child told him he’d seen it because then he was asking me what OF was. ARGH!!

OP posts:
MarmaladeBagel · 02/04/2025 15:59

I'd report to the police, not just for your child's sake but for the two boys as well.

Original poster
CallawayV · 02/04/2025 15:58

MrsCastle · 02/04/2025 15:22

To me It sounds from what you’ve said like they are dealing with it and have said they obviously can’t share those details with you but glad you have brought it to light

and have offered your son one to one and mentoring support from the teacher.

Edited

First bit yes-second bit no. They offered for his form teacher to talk to him about staying away from these boys and for someone to watch my son at playtime but said that would draw attention to my son. I think the other boys need watching not my son. I also don’t think any of that offer amounts to mentoring.

OP posts:
Timeforaglassofwine · 02/04/2025 15:39

Whowhatwhere21 · 02/04/2025 13:17

I had similar with my son when he was in Yr 5. It became an almost daily occurrence for him to be sexually touched by another boy in his class. I reported to his teacher, head teacher, safeguarding, governors. Nobody cared because the other boy had ADHD and they said they have a plan in place to help him but had to work on it, in the meantime my son continued to suffer and started to refuse to go to school.
I actually got desperate and rang child line one evening. They had social services and the police at the school the following day and it was all dealt with, but I'd lost my trust in the school and moved my son somewhere else.

You shouldn't have to, but this is the only way to force them to take it seriously.

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