School playing down sexual assault on son

Not ok.

Some schools seem very out of touch when sexual assault happens between same sex students.

My child was sexually assaulted for months by another child of the same sex at primary school.

If it had been boy to girl, they wouldn’t have been so dismissive.

I’d call the police and report to the social services, these boys are either be sexually abused or have access to adult programmes

I'm so sorry that this has happened to your son, and for how poor the school's response has been!

I would 100% call and report to the police. Also report to social services - safeguarding is everyone's responsibility and there is very clear evidence that these boys are accessing (or being shown) very sexually inappropriate material, at the very least.

In terms of the school, I agree with other posters about demanding a written plan re: safeguarding your son. Also agree that any actions taken should not be disadvantaging (or bringing attention to) your son. However that does not mean that NO action should be taken. The options shouldn't be that he has to act (e.g., avoid the other boys) or have attention brought to him (e.g., teacher in the playground) or nothing. That is completely inadequate, and a failure to prevent harm.

I think you should take the current safeguarding legislation into school and point out to them how they're failing all of the children in this situation. Minimising these behaviours, or failing to address them is specifically against the guidance - ESPECIALLY with his teacher essentially insinuating that he is seeking this out by not avoiding the boys.

Personally, I would also consider keeping my child off school until all of the above is addressed in a satisfactory way. His safety is no1 priority, and it might also be an action which makes all involved sit up and take it more seriously too.

“Very kind”?! No, it’s the absolute bare minimum of doing their job. The number one duty of teachers is keeping children safe. It’s what is drilled into you during your training and every inset or CPD session from then on. Keeping children safe in school is the responsibility of everyone from the guy who mows the grass upwards. It is not an act of charity and it is the single most important aspect of the job.

You need to also balance what your son wants. If you go all guns blazing to police and he doesn't want this, it won't do much good as he might backtrack on what he said. It could result in him feeling like you didnt listen to him and will not come to you when he has a difficult situation in the future.

I would be very concerned at the child being exposed to porn at home, he needs intervention asap otherwise he is a dangerous loose cannon and it will continue, lord knows what he will be capable of by 14.

Why have you got the idea that school thinks it acceptable?
School have said they will keep an eye on OP’s son to ensure he’s left alone.
School will have acted on the other boy’s behaviour but, quite rightly, will not give out confidential information about it to other parents.

Letting you know your son seeks them out is not making your son seem like the problem OP. It’s useful info for you and you can talk to your son about break and lunch times and who else he can play with.
I think the offer of an adult to keep an eye on your son is very kind of the school and shows they are being proactive about protecting him.
It’s not your business to know what they are doing about the other boys.
School are offering to protect your son and you are turning it down. That’s your choice.

This. Wtf is going on in this boys home / what is he being exposed to in order to behave like this / know what only fans is?!

YANBU. This is a safeguarding failure. Write to Ofsted and the governors.

Those boys are a risk to the other pupils. They’re clearly watching pornography and potentially being exposed to worse by their own parents.

Raise hell until you get meaningful action.

A similar thing happened to my daughter, when she was 9. It was another girl, acting out rape. The other girl said it was a rape game.

I found the school quite unhelpful. It was a Friday afternoon. I called the police, and on Monfay morning had a call from Social serv8ces child protection.

I was concerned about what this child was being exposed to, and the school seemed to minimise and not take it seriously.

The police and social services became involved. I didn't want any action against the child, I wanted her to be seen and protected.

However, none of this helps OP. I am a teacher and no child on my watch would have to “stay away” from someone who assaulted them. The school’s response is woeful as it applies to OP’s child. At a minimum, the boys should be suspended pending an investigation of the assault - whether internal exclusion or an external one. Staff should be monitoring the two boys, not OP’s child. Neither of these things have happened or presumably OP would have mentioned it. Of course OP cannot be told what steps the school has taken regarding Social Services, but she absolutely should know what steps the school is taking to keep her DS safe and remove him if they continue this “he seeks them out” rubbish.

This. Although they changed it from ‘peer on peer’ to ‘child on child’ a couple of years ago. There’s guidance in the KCSIE document on how to deal with it (part 5)

@Thisisittheapocalypse I wish, wish, wish that it was as easy as saying "social services need to be involved." The school 100% should have made a referral for the child talking about only fans. This could have had one of a few outcomes:

• Social services might have said it doesn't reach their intervention threshold, in which case the school essentially needs to wait until they have more signs of abuse or neglect.
• Social services may take the case on. They would carry out a child and family assessment.
• Social services may already be involved. They may know that the child has inappropriate sexual knowledge. They may know why. The child may be in care because they were abused. But they may equally be in a family with inadequate parenting, but good enough that social services have assessed that the risk of removing the child is higher than the risk of them staying with the parent. They would be on a child protection plan to support the parent to understand acceptable boundaries.

There are too many children parented in ways that almost all of us would consider to be inadequate.

No well run school will.

All kinds of red flags about what the boys are saying and doing to other children. They are accessing inappropriate things they shouldn't have access to outside of school, and they may be being abused themselves. REgardless, they need safeguarding as well as the boy they hurt and social services needs to be involved.

100% the correct response. I'm so sorry that happened to your son.

If a school isn't taking sexual language, sexual touching, sexual acting out, sexual assault, etc seriously, people do need to go outside the school to raise the alarm. Be it childline, social services, the local authority, or the police. Schools should be taking such things seriously and ensuring all the children are being safeguarded, both the perpetrators and victims, and most do. For those that don't, please don't just drop it.

In OP's case, it is absolutely not her child's fault. AND those 2 boys clearly aren't being protected by their grown ups at home OR at school. And the alarm needs to be raised.

Report to Childline. They will escalate this. Appalling behaviour. My son was bullied by an autistic child and the school fobbed me off. In the end I told my son he was not to play with the boy under any circumstances.

The problem isn't just the 10 year olds. It's the potential they have been abused or the worrying access they have to the internet.

Social services and police need to be involved.

School can't intervene in all the ways necessary to keep your son AND the boys safe.

If I'm so "rude" then stop messaging me.

Yeah, that's pretty woeful.

Make an appointment with the head and make it clear that if the school don't take sexual assault seriously then you will have to involve the Police.

For their own sakes, those two boys need the law explaining to them ASAP. They could get themselves into serious trouble that could follow them around for a long time.

The school do have a responsibility to speak to kids when these kinds of issues arise.

I would also go to the police. Your son has been sexually assaulted, which is a crime. My aim wouldn't be to have a 10yo labelled a sex offender, but the seriousness of the incident in terms of the effect on your son is not lessened by the perpetrator's age. Plus as you rightly say, the other two boys are in need of some serious intervention as they have been/are being exposed to sexual material or behaviour. They are also victims and the police need to be aware.

In terms of school, I would be going through the complaints procedure now I think. I would want a resolution that guaranteed my child would not be at risk of sexual assault from these boys and that did not disadvantage him. If supervision is the solution they are proposing, then it's the children who are sexually assaulting and sexually harassing other pupils who need to be supervised. Your son should not be singled out or have his activities curtailed whatsoever.

I would also be contacting social services and the LA. Basically everyone who has any involvement in child safeguarding. There are potentially 3 victims of sexual assault or worse involved here and it cannot be fudged by the school. There's just too much at stake.

You asked me if I could read. I'm not upset but I do think you're being incredibly rude.

Patronising am I? I never asked you to message me so if you're upset then blame yourself.

The title literally says they're downplaying it.

But the school didn't say it was ok. I know because I can read, thanks for trying to be patronising.

Same as with bullies, it should be the perpetrator not the victim who should have to be moved.

The school would take it more seriously if the police and children's services were to be involved.

Yes your son needs to stay away from them but it's the other two boys who need removing from the playground until this has been fully dealt with. All the other children in the playground and cloakrooms are at risk of sexual assault from these boys at the moment.