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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to feel at my wits end with dd13 or am being dramatic

59 replies

Catontoof · 02/04/2025 12:13

Long story short dd is constantly screaming shouting being rude to the point I cannot even have a conversation with her. Mother's Day she threw some flowers at me woukdnt spend any time with me didn't get me a card. The flowers she was made to get by my mum and so that felt really forced.

no nice words of love or appreciation
last night she told me I'm not a proper mum I can't cook etc
this morning in my room screaming about her hair wouldn't leave and turned abusive

I have had it, she hates going to her dads but I feel at a loss and feel as though I can no longer take it:
she is my dd and I would die for her but lately I just feel so resentful we can't go anywhere as it's just awful and full of strops and complaining.
she's rude to me in front of my friends
she won't go to anyone else but me I just feel isolated. But I also know this is teenagers maybe I'm expecting to much
I have no sensible family around me at all

OP posts:
wherearemypastnames · 02/04/2025 12:25

Don’t send her away to her dads
her behaviour isn’t ok but even thinking that will make her feel insecure and an insecure teenager is a
Nightmare

talk to school and find out if there is anything there

if she is fine there and taking it out on you that’s actually good - it means she’s safe to take out her feelings on you
now she just needs to learn better ways to manage her feelings

talk to her - walking or driving so she doesn’t have to look at you
watch a favourite child movie together
reassurance that despite it all you love her
what emotions do you show her ?

jellyfishperiwinkle · 02/04/2025 12:25

I think rather than punishment you need to sit down and have a good chat with her when things are calm and find out what's going on with her. Kids don't act out for nothing.

Catontoof · 02/04/2025 12:23

Yes it's just us two

OP posts:
Catontoof · 02/04/2025 12:23

I have tried removing phone that sends her into an actual meltdown but she has started to use the phone to record me including this morning

OP posts:
Catontoof · 02/04/2025 12:22

TheJollyMoose · 02/04/2025 12:14

And how are you handling this behaviour? That is the key right there.

She's defiant at school

in honesty I ask her calmly to stop or say the consequences if she doesn't I keep calm until it goes ok for ages when I will shout and what I hate is that over the last 2 days I have found myself threatening to send her to dads, which I know is wrong but I feel at a point of desperation which is why I have ended up here

OP posts:
Hazeby · 02/04/2025 12:17

Is it just the two of you at home?

Littletreefrog · 02/04/2025 12:16

What do you do when she does these things?

northernballer · 02/04/2025 12:16

This could be my daughter so I am following with interest!

How are things at school? My DD gets very anxious about school due to bullying at her previous school which I think causes it.

TheJollyMoose · 02/04/2025 12:14

And how are you handling this behaviour? That is the key right there.

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