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AIBU?

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Original poster

Fiancés ex wife

60 replies

Chillednursey · 02/04/2025 11:45

My fiancé is still very close to his ex wife, they have 2 grown up sons & I have my own so we are like a modern family. He deletes all messages from his ex wife & regularly I find snippets of information that he is still supporting her & acting in the husband support role. She has never met anyone else & is unlikely to, so I feel like she is forever going to be like a spare wheel?

OP posts:
Soonenough · 02/04/2025 12:06

Supporting her financially or emotionally? Maybe he deletes if she discusses medical problems . Does he help her with chores or just admin ? Either way he has asked you to marry him not get back with her . Maybe ask him to pull back a bit on always being available to her.

Turtlepineapple · 02/04/2025 12:04

I think YABU for staying with someone who deletes messages with their ex wife and knows he acts like the husband role and still supports her?

What on earth are you doing…..

NoButterBastardGails · 02/04/2025 12:03

so I feel like she is forever going to be like a spare wheel?

A spare wheel or a threat to how secure you're able to feel with him?

ItGhoul · 02/04/2025 12:00

Mnetcurious · 02/04/2025 11:49

I’d want to know why he deletes messages if he considers everything that happens between them (financial, emotional and whatever else) to be reasonable in the context of him being engaged to someone new.

It depends if she's the only person whose messages he deletes. If he's someone who just deletes most of his messages from everyone as a matter of course, it's not an issue, but if he keeps messages except hers, obviously that's different.

ItGhoul · 02/04/2025 11:58

he is still supporting her & acting in the husband support role

Can you give some examples of what you mean?

SkaneTos · 02/04/2025 11:53

Why is she unlikely to meet someone else?

Offtobuttonmoontovisitmrspoon · 02/04/2025 11:50

Why would you marry him?

Garlicgarlicgarlic · 02/04/2025 11:49

That's what I thought too, it's OP who's the spare wheel.
If you choose to marry him you'll be going into it knowing he has this close relationship with his previous wife, and it sounds like he's hiding it from you.

Mnetcurious · 02/04/2025 11:49

I’d want to know why he deletes messages if he considers everything that happens between them (financial, emotional and whatever else) to be reasonable in the context of him being engaged to someone new.

loropianalover · 02/04/2025 11:48

It’s more likely you’ll end up being made feel like the spare wheel.

He deletes/hides his communication with her, is supporting her in - I assume - financial ways, and still acts like a husband towards her. Why would you want to join in as 2nd wife?

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