Leaving 15 week old

Excellent point.

You missed out the word primary. Primary caregiver.
Who is that for your LO?
A person who prioritises a boozy sesh with mates over the needs of a 15 week old.
Well done, hope it was worth it 🤭

I’m not sure why you’re getting such a hard time here OP. I can see you reacted to posters claiming you were “unreasonable to leave a 15 week old baby alone so you can go boozing“ and that your baby was not your priority. Both of those comments are deeply unpleasant and unnecessary and most people would take offense to them especially when your question wasn’t actually about leaving your baby.

I can see why you’re pissed off at your friends but this could be a blessing in disguise just in case you do need to leave early you won’t be tied to their schedule or be forced to cut short their holiday. Maybe suggest that from next year, when your baby is older that you go back to the original travel arrangement.

they wanted to make a day of it drinking, and if we wanted to leave later to do the three hour drive ourselves and meet them there

Sounds more than reasonable.

How much time has your baby spent with grandparents before?

In the gentlest way possible: leaving such a tiny baby for a weekend to go drinking is very soon. You would also be a long way away should something happen.

Your friends should be accommodating for you,but I also think you are being quite naive thinking this arrangement can work.

How often have the grandparents looked after the baby on their own and for how long?
Going for a weekend break sounds lovely, but to not take your own car and to go drinking sounds a bit careless. Also 3 hours a way is quite a trek should something happen.
I don't think your friends are being unfair, they want the most of their weekend, but you need to consider your family now too and what suits them best.

Do you want to go on this break? Part of me wonders if your snide comments to people are a case of being over defensive.

I don't think you need to worry that a young mother will kill herself because someone on the internet said that someone else shouldn't leave their 14 week old baby to go away for a boozy weekend with friends, but shows how hard life can for empaths like you.

You seem resentful that you went by the ttimetable that suited your friends in pervious years re babysitters. You didn't have to do this, you could left at a time that suited you and met them there. Obviously this is a problem caused by you being a better friend than them.

OP has big main character energy and the friends aren't doing it her way so shes annoyed. I was sympathetic until she started being catty to people who want to prioritise their children more than she does. Enjoy your weekend away OP. Imagine how glad your baby will be when you finally return!

Wow the lack of empathy here is shocking.

All mums are different and have different experiences. If you’re happy to leave the baby that’s absolutely fine and good for you - but for many mums they wouldn’t feel comfortable. They may have struggles you can’t imagine.

To not understand that is bordering narcissism and explains why you think your friends should revolve around you.

At nearly 4 months old don't think many consider it to still be an infant . Usually refers to less than 1 month .

You have entirely made that up.

You have also made up that people are judging the OP because she's a woman. It's because she's a parent. I'm sure they would also be judging a dad who left his 15 week old baby.

You shouldn't be going anywhere with such a young baby. Your priorities are all wrong.

Or maybe she just didn't want to be separated from her 15 week old baby? Again, if it's okay for you and your partner to leave yours, it should equally be okay for people to not want to leave theirs.

An infant is any child under the age of one, so this baby is very much an infant.

@Zoobabies
Don't be so disingenuous- saying someone "needs to get out more" is absolutely a criticism, and a bloody rude one at that. This:
To not to leave/be without the child for nearly 3 years, what happens to the child when you suddenly have to start leaving for hours a day when it goes to school, etc
further heaps on the criticism.

However, that said I did not personally attack this person or call her a bad mother or call her parenting inappropriate which is uncalled for in any circumstances, that is what we teach children is bullying- but apparently you all think it is acceptable because its on an internet post.
Of the 25 or so posts you had up to this point, you had two posts being mildly critical of you for leaving a 15 week old baby, and one person saying you were a bad mother- that is hardly 'you all'.

@Zoobabies I've been reading your replies and comments and honestly you don't seem very pleasant with your snipes at the mothers who choose not to leave their babies. My child is 19 months old and the only times I've left him overnight is when I've had hospital overnight shifts - but dad would always be there. And it's not just about "not having people you trust to look after your baby" (such a horrible comment) - what's so wrong about people to simply want to be with their babies - especially such little babies who very much totally depends on their mothers!

But I digress, just drive yourselves, why is that so hard if you've done it before anyway. I read that you've waited for your friends before because of childcare, but were the circumstances the same? As it seems like your delay isn't necessary - surely you prepare everything before that very
morning?

its because you are being a dick and intentionally goading the poster.

you sound like a child and I’m not surprised the friends are wanting to go without you. They’re probably hoping you will decide not to bother as it is too much effort

I get why you're upset OP, but I'm with your friends. It's probably better to go separately anyway as then you can go at your own pace (ams also leave earlier if you want too)

@CHUNGAI At nearly 4 months old don't think many consider it to still be an infant . Usually refers to less than 1 month . And perfectly viable to be in the loving care of people other than the mother. Hardly being abandoned . Such a shame that on a so called pro woman site , a mother is being vilified for taking some time out. Back in the Dark Ages.

15 weeks…I was still a physical and emotional wreck at 15 weeks the first time round. I’m kind of impressed.

I’m all for mums getting out and being themselves and not being completely subsumed by motherhood. It was one of the reasons I formula fed, for example. But 15 weeks is really really little and I wouldn’t have left them at that stage. To be honest we were still very much in our “bubble” at that point and no part of me would have wanted to go away for a night. An hour or two for dinner, maybe, but not a full night.

I'm another one who doesn't see the issue in meeting them there. I can see that it's probably quite emotional leaving your baby with others for the first time, so just do what you need to do. But it doesn't need to affect your friends preference for a few hours of drinking.
It would be a shame for the trip to get off to a bad start so just both groups arrive at the time that they prefer. It needn't be a bone of contention.

@Zoobabies i think you are the minority of mums here- I don’t think you would find many mums leaving a 4 month old, even with grandparents. I’ve got a’ 8 month old and have never left him yet but then again I am BF (clearly you are not). @summerscomingsoon totally agree with you. My eldest is 4 yo and the only time I have left him overnight was when I went to hospital to have my other 2 babies.

Exactly. Yuck, it's so grossly ignorant and selfish.

Babies at this age still need their mother close to regulate. Doesn't Safe Sleep advice state that baby should sleep in the same room as his mother for the first 6 months of their life?

That's really messed up. I don't know anyone who would want to leave their baby with someone else. My kids are almost grown and I never left them with anyone I've, ever. They know that they are and always will be my priority.