Friend has asked to borrow money but I’m not sure

It's a very bad idea indeed. Don't even think about it. No.

Like others have said, don’t do it. It’s a recipe for disaster and no guarantee you’ll get it back. Plus they splurged £22k in under a year, with 4 kids in tow and didn’t think to save some for instance like this, or start new jobs before the money ran out.

Don’t let them know how much you have. If they keep pushing just tell them the money is locked in an account you can’t access for a year or something (Atom bank do fixed savings accounts for 6 months to 3 years, so it’s plausible) and it’s earmarked for some repair you need to do for your house, I.e replacing bathroom as there’s leaks, flooring, electrics etc.

really shitty/CF territory of your friend to put you in this situation given she’s been splashing the cash!

Only "lend" them the money if you actually just resign yourself to giving it to them, and never seeing it again.

And I'd bet that the friendship will change after that - your friend will be more evasive because she'll feel guilty. Although it's unlikely she'll pay back the money.

No no and no.

They’ll never pay it back. They’ve shown they’re very irresponsible with money, they’ll be the same with yours.

Just tell them ‘sorry I can’t afford it’. They don’t need to know how much savings you have or what you want to do with it.

Apparently they need the car for his new job and to ferry the kids to and from school, activities etc

They should have thought about that when they were spending money that could have been used for an emergency fund.

There are businesses like banks who lend, or decline to lend, money all the time; literally, it is what they do for a business, So they train people to assess each case, with experience and depth of knowledge, as to whether they can make loans in the expectation of getting their money bank or not, Their decisions are based on facts and experience, without considerations such as friendship.
If these sources of finance, knowledgeable in such matters, are unwilling to lend, why should you take that risk?
This is not a slur on your financial acumen; you did not choose this as a career.
But it would seem that you have been blessed with sound common sense and reasonable caution, as well as a kind heart.
You have managed, as a single person, to acquire your own house, with some savings put aside, and that is no mean feat; well done for that!
As PP's have said, it's a good thing that they don't actually know how much you have in savings, and saying that this is tied up in long-term savings is a good reason, not an excuse.

OP I've been burned in the past by this, similar amount of money, and would never put myself in that position again.
After six months or so of excuses and delaying...I'd even said they could pay me back in installments...I eventually got £100 back in two installments.
Each time this "friend" acted as if they were doing ME a favour by paying it back.
After the second installment I didn't get a thing, and wrote off both the money and the friendship.
It was a hard lesson, as I needed the money myself.
Don't do it, OP.

NO

Absolutely no way would I lend this money. They have proved they aren't good with money as they blew the lot rather than put some aside.

You aren't responsible for their life style choices and they chose to live off it rather than work.

If they say " a friend wouldn't say no" then reply with " a friend wouldn't ask".

If you lend them any money you will never see it again. They will always have some sob story why they can't pay you that month, birthday, illness, Christmas etc and you will get more and more resentful and the friendship will be over anyway.

You need to be firm and do not engage in any discussion over it. No reason needed.

My friend and her partner both have poor credit scores due to previous debt

Your answer is there. If their own bank refuses to lend them money for essential car work - that’s your sign not to either!

Decline the request

The only person I've lent money too was my cleaner who I'd known for years. She paid me back the next month. The reason I did this is because:

She's got a long history of working hard;
She's very responsible with money;
She didn't ask to borrow it (she did talk about her cash flow issue but didn't guilt trip me or show any entitlement to my money).

Your friends have failed all three tests. There is a very strong chance they won't repay you. If you refuse them the money they may fall out with you but if they don't pay you back you'll definitely lose your friendship AND your money.

absolutely not you only ave 5k-they chose to squander their savings you'll never see it again

Don’t even entertain the idea.

No. £5k isn't really much to rely on if something crops upin your life. You have to put your self first. Don't go in to detail, just say I'm really sorry but I don't have that kind of money to spare right now.

Only lend money if you can afford to say goodbye to it. It sounds like you aren't in that position.

It's obviously a 'no' isn't it

Never lend money you can’t afford to lose.

you don’t have much in savings, but even if you did you aren’t obligated to lend anyone anything, as you say they have burnt through a payout rather than being sensible with it so I doubt you’d see the money

Try not to judge them for their own behaviour with money. We all struggle from time to time. But...do not loan them the money.

Remember the wisdom of Shakespeare "Neither a lender or a borrower be" (or something like that. Whatever, it is very wise advice. Never lend money.

No.

Apparently they need the car for his new job and to ferry the kids to and from school, activities etc

None of that is your responsibility. Maybe if they are forced to take responsibility for their own lives they will actually step up. so you NOT bailing them out is good for them! keep telling yourself that. It's good for them. It's almost a selfless act to say NO to them!

Please say you won't be lending them the money..??

And if they ever ask again, tell them you have 'barely a few hundred quid' in the saving pot. Because they might well think you have much more than you do. You shouldn't have to lie, but sometimes we like to hang onto friendships so 🤷

Years ago my wise mother advised me never to lend money that you can't afford to give as a gift.

I think your gut sounds reasonable here. They don't sound like they have a good track record with money management. I'd only even contemplate lending them the money if you'd be accepting if they didn't repay it. (Which let's face it, 99.9% of people wouldn't be). You don't need to justify why you can't lend them the money, just explain you're sorry their car needs work but you're unable to help them.

The only thing you should give them is the advice to get a second opinion on their car.

One boiler failure or roof replacement would wipe out your savings @sunrisesunshine - that’s why it’s an emergency fund. Your friends had the opportunity to create their own emergency fund but blew it on holidays. Absolutely crazy to loan them any money, just tell them you can’t afford it: you don’t owe them any explanations but if they argue with you saying that, they are CFs of the highest order, imo xx