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Original poster

Friend has asked to borrow money but I’m not sure

382 replies

sunrisesunshine · 02/04/2025 10:57

Good morning

My close friend has asked to borrow money from me and I’m struggling to make a decision.

The money is for a car repair, roughly 2k. Maybe a bit more. The car has failed the MOT and requires this work before the mechanic can pass it. My friend and her partner both have poor credit scores due to previous debt and they’re unable to use a credit card to cover the cost. They can’t afford to sell the car and buy another one and they also don’t have any savings. I have around 5k.

There’s a few reasons why I don’t think it’s a good idea:

  1. I’m single and bought my first house last year. My savings are there to cover any emergencies, if I lose my job or something in the house needs fixing. I don’t have a partner or any family to support me financially if something goes wrong.
  2. Her partner received a large pay out from his previous employer last year (around 22k) which they used to live off instead of working. I think it was careless to not save any money.
  3. I have no way of enforcing them to pay if they decide not to… right?!

I know it will be an awkward conversation if I say no though. I feel like they’ve put me in a crappy situation.

OP posts:
ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 03/04/2025 18:31

Can you afford, without regrets, to lose the money. Are you able to write it off, without a second thought, at the point of lending? If not, don't do it.

MyTwinklySloth · 03/04/2025 18:28

NEVER tell friends about your savings - did you tell her you have 5k saved?

Either way politely say no

PoppyTries · 03/04/2025 18:25

sunrisesunshine · 02/04/2025 11:51

Wow! Thank you so much for all the messages and advice.

To answer some of your questions:

They know I have savings but not how much. I’ve never told them the amount.

The 22k is gone. They worked before the payout but left their jobs and used the money to live off and go on a couple of holidays. She’s working again now and he’s due to start a new job in a few weeks. They have 4 kids between them. I don’t have any children.

Apparently they need the car for his new job and to ferry the kids to and from school, activities etc

They quit their jobs while having FOUR children to raise and frittered away the £22k, not spending any of those funds on their poorly-maintained car? That is wildly irresponsible & you will never see that money again if you lend to them. They make very poor decisions.

JungAtHeart · 03/04/2025 18:08

Don’t lend what you can’t afford to lose. That’s my benchmark. If I agree to lend something I work on the premise that I may never have it returned … if you’re not okay with that then it’s a no.

susiedaisy1912 · 03/04/2025 18:06

Nope please don’t do it have one awkward conversation now and say no rather than many awkward conversations and sleepless nights in a few months time when they haven’t paid you back.

Cottesloe · 03/04/2025 18:06

sunrisesunshine · 02/04/2025 10:57

Good morning

My close friend has asked to borrow money from me and I’m struggling to make a decision.

The money is for a car repair, roughly 2k. Maybe a bit more. The car has failed the MOT and requires this work before the mechanic can pass it. My friend and her partner both have poor credit scores due to previous debt and they’re unable to use a credit card to cover the cost. They can’t afford to sell the car and buy another one and they also don’t have any savings. I have around 5k.

There’s a few reasons why I don’t think it’s a good idea:

  1. I’m single and bought my first house last year. My savings are there to cover any emergencies, if I lose my job or something in the house needs fixing. I don’t have a partner or any family to support me financially if something goes wrong.
  2. Her partner received a large pay out from his previous employer last year (around 22k) which they used to live off instead of working. I think it was careless to not save any money.
  3. I have no way of enforcing them to pay if they decide not to… right?!

I know it will be an awkward conversation if I say no though. I feel like they’ve put me in a crappy situation.

Not unless you can afford to lose it

MrsPositivity1 · 03/04/2025 18:05

Never a borrower nor a lender be

GiveDogBone · 03/04/2025 18:04

No. Never. Run a mile.

You’re talking 40% of your own savings. What happens if you were to need the money?

SunsetCocktails · 03/04/2025 12:48

CalmFox · 02/04/2025 21:28

There's an old Polish phrase, not my circus not my monkey's

I love this phrase and use it regularly 😆

suburberphobe · 03/04/2025 09:58

Wow! 4 kids and they frittered away 22K?!

Crazy!

Bjorkdidit · 03/04/2025 09:06

They don't need the money to repair their car. They need the money to go on holiday and take a break from work because they feel like it.

That's how you need to view it because that's what they're doing and that's what people like that always do. Spend their money on fun things and then try to guilt more financially responsible people into paying for their essentials.

Just because they've spent all their money, it doesn't give them the right to spend yours too.

Crabwoman · 03/04/2025 08:49

Don't lend money you can't afford to loose.

Mycatmyworld · 03/04/2025 08:45

They are adults with there own set of unique problems,You are a adult with your own problems, never get involved with someone else’s money problems,it will only ever go one way & that’s downhill They will have to learn a very sorry lesson. Your money helps you run your day to day & is prioritised for you only, you are NOT a loan shop. In these fragile times, you yourself along with thousands of others are one minute away from being called in to hear those dreaded words ….. Clear your desk, we are closed…..& that’s it, you have just given away your very vital 2k which you know very well is a couple of months bills at the very least I say, & sincerely hope you will say No. They must learn this lesson the hard way

PluckyBamboo · 03/04/2025 08:24

Think about it logically- no bank will touch them as despite all the debt recovery options and legal routes available to them, they don't think they will get the money back.

So, you'll have zero chance of getting the money back.

If they 'promise' to pay you back then they can save up for a couple of months instead like you probably did for your savings.

Chiseltip · 03/04/2025 06:21

Thry will never pay it back.

But, by asking you for this money, knowing that they won't pay you back, your friend has also just told you how she really feels about you..

She has now ruined this friendship too.

cstx89 · 03/04/2025 02:29

No pls don’t do it!! Bad idea

Eenameenadeeka · 03/04/2025 01:04

No way. It doesn't sound like they could afford to pay you back, and it's a huge amount out of the savings that you have and are likely to need yourself when something similar comes up for you. If they get mad at you they aren't your friends.

partyoffivvve · 03/04/2025 00:30

Tell them you have had an unexpected tax bill. Don’t share your money with them. Cf’s.

thinktwice36 · 02/04/2025 21:52

You would never ever see that money again. Imagine getting an unexpected 22k and saving nothing for future-proofing 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Aligirlbear · 02/04/2025 21:29

Trust me it will be a more difficult conversation when you are trying to get your money back when they don’t / can’t repay than saying no in the first place. You don’t have any spare cash as the £5k is your emergency fund and they have already demonstrated they aren’t good with money so how can you be confident they will repay. If there is one thing guaranteed to mess up a friendship it’s lending money - best to say no up front.

CalmFox · 02/04/2025 21:28

There's an old Polish phrase, not my circus not my monkey's

GiroJim100 · 02/04/2025 21:19

Don’t do it. You will never see that money again.

Iloveacurry · 02/04/2025 21:12

Well they’re idiots. Who gives up work like that, live off the payout and not save any of it? Just say no. They won’t pay it back. Think of your own family.

DogsandFlowers · 02/04/2025 21:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

I was just about to ask this….

BruFord · 02/04/2025 20:58

Fuzziduck · 02/04/2025 20:57

Crikey, no please don’t.
Say it’s in an account you can’t access. Better yet, say you paid a lump off your mortgage.
Don’t tell them you have money again.

Yes, do as @Fuzziduck says and tell them that you’ve either had a big bill recently or put it into your mortgage, etc. Better to tell a white lie and stop them asking.

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