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Original poster

Friend weightloss digs

31 replies

Lifeisbetterwithcake · 02/04/2025 09:53

I'm not sure whether I'm being oversensitive, but here goes.
I've struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I've tried every diet going, and it had seriously messed my head up.
I'm now at a stage of my life where I'm finally accepting myself, and my body.
I'm eating better, with the odd treat, and found an exercise that I love.
My dilemma is about a friendship. I don't have many friends, but I have been friends with a mum at the school for a few years. She too has struggled with her weight too, we've both been honest in our struggles. I told her that I had once struggled so bad with binge eating.
She's now losing weight, I'm actually really proud of her, she feels better for doing so, and I've cheered her on at every milestone she's made.
But quite often, she will message me and say "I've got a size 24 pair of leggings if you would like them, they're too big for me now", which I'm guessing is her just being kind, but I'm literally not that size (not that there's anything wrong with that size, there isn't, but I've not been that size for a good few years).
It's kinda making me feel a bit rubbish, and I get all the old thoughts that used to torment me, back inside my head.
It's taken me many years to accept myself, and start liking myself a bit more, but this kind of upsets me a little, especially she knows how bad I once was.
I'm not sure how to reply to these messages, which are quite often. I don't want to look ungrateful, or offend her in any way.

OP posts:
UpUpUpU · 02/04/2025 10:34

Just politely thank her and say it's too big. No need to over think anything.

WoodyOwl · 02/04/2025 10:32

"Too big for me, but thanks anyway. If you're getting rid of anything in size [insert correct size], let me know!"

Hufflemuff · 02/04/2025 10:29

I think these are feelings of your own self loathing rather than your loathing of her.

If she was redecorating her bedroom, changing it from blue to green and she offered you a blue lamp, to go in your blue bedroom - would you be offended? No, you wouldn't.

I get the feeling, I'm overweight and have been for about 8 years- the jealous green monster can pop up from time to time, when you see others loosing weight and you're just not in that head space to do so. We can even trick ourselves into thinking everyone's making a jibe at us or thinking they're superior to us, even when that's not the case. A friend (but not a great friend) of mine went from a size 10 to a size 6 and was really proud of herself and talked about her nutrition achievements and kept suggesting i went along to her fitness group... I smiled and was saying i was happy for her, but not for me thanks "I'm ok with myself for now" - but a part of me thought "fuck you, stop going on about it 🙄". I know that's totally unreasonable of me and not nice, she was only wanting whats best for me, but its how I felt!

Unfortunately, being overweight we often can try and fool ourselves into thinking that we are happy with who we are and don't care - when that's not really true. Things like this message bring these feelings to the surface.

CaramelVanilla · 02/04/2025 10:23

"Maaaaate I havent been that size for XX, do you need to get to specsavers?"

MentallyDatingDaveGrohl · 02/04/2025 10:16

Just say ‘too big for me too Linda, but thanks anyway’ you could add that your wardrobe is full to bursting so your not wanting any new things so she should just give anything she no longer needs straight to charity.
Do you think she is genuinely trying to do a good deed or fishing for you to tell her how amazing she’s doing or is there an aspect of her wanting to rub her weight loss in your face do you think?

JacquesHarlow · 02/04/2025 10:08

I have a gentle suggestion -

Is it worth saying to her

"I'm a size XX (18? 20?) now, and I'm trying to go forwards not backwards in weight loss. So I don't think I'll need anything this size. Thank you for thinking of me!"

That way if she keeps offering them to you, she's then clearly a CF for it?

A lot of British problems I think stem from people being unwilling to actually state the issue in the open.