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Original poster

To feel guilty that I have caused dd to have ADHD

84 replies

StruckbyLightening · 02/04/2025 09:51

I feel really upset. I have epilepsy and have just found out that dd has ADHD. The consultant told us that there is a link between them, so technically I have very likely passed the gene down to her, meaning she was at a higher risk of ADHD because of me.
She doesn't have epilepsy, apparently, there is only a tiny chance of getting that from a parent.
I don't think I have ADHD (not certain as apparently it isn't uncommon for it to co-exist with epilepsy, so I may have/had a form of it as well). Now, thinking back, I believe it is very likely that one of my parents had ADHD which consequently led to a whole host of alarming issues later, ending in death.

I just feel so upset for dd, and the challenges she is having to face in life. I can't help but feel guilty, and that it is because of me.

OP posts:
Freshflower · 02/04/2025 10:00

It does not necessarily mean that has come from you. We have a child eith ADHD in the family and there is noone with epilepsy. It's hard but wouldn't feel guilty , obviously noone has control over what the inherite

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 02/04/2025 09:59

I have ADHD and, like a PP, wouldn't want my life to be any different to how it is. ADHD has been an absolute boon as a writer (hyperfocus and I can finish a book in six weeks) - it's not always a negative!

I also would have liked diagnosis to have been available in my childhood. I had some problematic behaviours when I was young due to the undiagnosed (and, in the 60's, unsuspected) ADHD, and having a diagnosis would have made life a little easier, but now I can't say I would ever want to be anything other than what it is.

TheNightingalesStarling · 02/04/2025 09:58

I have adhd
DD2 has adhd
Autism also runs in my family and DD1 looks likely to have it.

I don't believe its a superpower but its part of who we are and while it makes life harder, it isn't the end of the world.

Don't feel guilty.

Hankunamatata · 02/04/2025 09:57

Hello. Bit of a shock when your child gets a diagnosis and there's loads complicated feelings even when you expecting it.

Wolfiefan · 02/04/2025 09:57

You don’t know what caused it. No need to feel guilty. But focus on being proud of raising her to live her best life and cope with any challenges life throws her way.

wherearemypastnames · 02/04/2025 09:56

“Caused “ is the wrong word - your actions didn’t make her have adhd - it’s just genetic chance

LameBorzoi · 02/04/2025 09:55

I have ADHD, and wouldn't choose to be without it, although I would have liked access to medication earlier.

MadameSzyszkoBohusz · 02/04/2025 09:54

We inherit a whole host of stuff from our parents - doubtless your DD has also inherited some wonderful qualities from you which will help her meet any challenges that lie ahead.

BeaAndBen · 02/04/2025 09:54

There’s no point feeling sorry for a genetic inheritance, OP! The alternative is no children at all - so accept that your daughter has inherited loads of great things from you and maybe some not so great.

Mine nag me about bad teeth but are lucky with great hair. The arthritis isn’t something I can do much about.