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AIBU?

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To consider this arrangement

139 replies

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 09:26

I know I will be flamed, I don't know where to start with this, I went on a dates, it was ok, I didn't know he was married at first, I found out recently, he told me, I didn't suspect as he was happy to text/call all different times/no secrecy etc. I obviously stopped speaking/said wasn't interested when I found this out. Since then he has sent a few messages asking if I would consider a arrangement to meet weekly (in hotel) for sex, as he wants a long term woman/arrangement like this in exchange for money. He is Turkish,I am English. He is rich, I am poor. I don't think I will do It as it doesn't sit well but am I unreasonable to be tempted a bit by 600 a month when I am really struggling for money right now, in rent arrears, in overdraft soon as I am paid etc and before I knew he was married I did find him attractive and would of slept with him on the next date anyway I think. It feels wrong and dirty but is it really unreasonable to have thought about it and not said automatic no when you are really struggling with money, I considered to do it for around 6 months to clear my overdraft so I could start fresh as I can never catch up with that

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 02/04/2025 10:55

Ewww he’s vile and I wouldn’t go near him for that reason alone!

Kendodd · 02/04/2025 10:54

Would you have weekly sex with him without the money OP?

RatedDoingMagic · 02/04/2025 10:49

A rich person wants to exploit your poverty and pressure you into surrendering your very bodily integrity for his pleasure. Consent cannot be "bought" - this is financial coercion and is ethically equivalent to all the other kinds of coercion (knife to the throat, threats of violence or humiliation, threats of social exclusion) which other rapists use. He is a vile person who you don't want to have close enough to you to whack with a bargepole, let alone close enough to touch you with his wholely inadequate dick.

It is the intrinsic misogyny endemic in society that makes the idea of someone being a prostitute somehow more shameful than being the person who abuses a woman by paying for prostitution. 100% of the blame and shame belong to him.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 02/04/2025 10:49

he wants a long term woman/arrangement like this in exchange for money.

He had a long term woman as in his wife.

He just wants a bit on the side and is willing, so he says, in paying for it

Would you be the only one he has this arrangement with, or are you just one in a line of women he pays to have sex with him?

BlondiePortz · 02/04/2025 10:39

No it's not tempting to be a prostitute but I presume it may work better if you do it to be honest about what it is

What would people close to you say if you told them?

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 02/04/2025 10:37

He's buying you - cheaply, no less - and would feel entitled to use and disregard you at will and how he pleases, which means you wouldn't be able to rely on the money even. That's without getting into the psychological ramifications you might experience.

There's a reason Pretty Woman wasn't originally a romantic comedy.

MindlessDaydream · 02/04/2025 10:36

It's not going to be lovely and romantic OP. He's paying and he's going to expect things for that price.

If you are going to do it, you need to ask for far more. And be very realistic about what's on the menu.

PaintYourAssLikeRembrandt · 02/04/2025 10:30

I would be tempted too op.

It's rough being on the bones of your arse and living in your overdraft.

I think I would probably ask for a grand and just do it for 3 months to get myself back on an even keel financially if I'm honest.

PoppyBaxter · 02/04/2025 10:27

When I worked out in Dubai, this arrangement was standard. The Arab men would have a wife and kids, and a blonde Western paid-for 'mistress' on the side. As they were paid for, it was common for the man to inflict degrading sex acts on the mistress, such as violent anal sex.

Just something to be aware of.

Widowerwouldyou · 02/04/2025 10:21

If this is real then I would dismiss it. Just be aware that he will tire of you and drop you so don’t be reliant on the income. Also consider how in a future relationship with a decent guy he will likely be put off by your past. You won’t be able to keep it secret. And open to outing, or blackmail, by him - or his wife when she finds out. And if you date others during the arrangement, what will you tell them?

Trypenniesfromheaven · 02/04/2025 10:19

He sounds appalling on every level.
Cheating on his wife AND his assumption that women have their price: they are there to be bought . It's actually a real insult to you that he thinks you are available for sale.

And if he really wanted regular sex with a woman other than his wife there will be plenty of women already in the sex industry who, for the right money, might be prepared to have him as an exclusive client. So the fact he is offering the job to you is frankly very worrying. You would be making yourself vulnerable to all sorts of potential dangers. You would be putting yourself in his power.

CheesePlantBoxes · 02/04/2025 10:18

Of course it's tempting now while you're struggling but I think future you will struggle with knowing you were a prostitute.

You may be tempted further by his friends with money or other sex work. There's no such thing as easy mon. Vicious cycles start with a first step.

Only you can decide if you think your current needs are more urgent than your overall wellbeing.

Crazycatlady79 · 02/04/2025 10:14

If you want to be a prostitute, don't do it for a paltry £600, dear. Negotiate a better price for having your self-worth ground into the floor.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 02/04/2025 10:12

I'd say yes if he was single, but, come on, he's married!

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 02/04/2025 10:11

Not for £600 no, that figure is way too low-if he is actually rich then he's taking the piss.

EmpressaurusKitty · 02/04/2025 10:08

Any man who thinks it reasonable to pay for sex is a sick and pathetic prick, and this one is a liar & a cheat into the bargain. I’d stay well away and feel very sorry for his wife.

pinkyredrose · 02/04/2025 10:03

NuitDeSable · 02/04/2025 09:54

Chances are when you get to the hotel room there will be more than one man waiting in there.

Don't degrade yourself even further my prostituting your body go someone who sees you as nothing but a place to insert his penis.

Do you really think you'd ever see the money once they're done with you? You'll be man Ed and end up working for him or even trafficked.

More than one man? What makes you think that?

Brefugee · 02/04/2025 10:02

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 09:56

And I think he doesn't want prostitute as he wants it to be same woman? Long term arrangement, and to be able to text etc in between,not sure if prostitutes do that?! And it is not for overnight it is couple of hours daytime. Anyway I am not going to,just wanted to see opinions as never had anything like this before.

Prostitutes will have their limits etc. If he is going to pay them for the "Girlfriend experience" they may well negotiate something like x-pounds/day for availablity to text, y-pounds/day for availability to take phone calls, z-pounds/day for waiting around for a call that he wants to see them. Then there may be things like a clothing allowance, hair appointments, and then tariffs for actually having sex (BJ, kissing/no-kissing, PIV sex, anal etc etc)

Some prostitutes, who are in control of their lives and business may be ok with that. IDK.

MissDoubleU · 02/04/2025 10:01

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 09:52

I love how I am the vile one when I am not married nor was it my idea, I never said I would do It I asked was I UR to have thought about it.

No, you are not unreasonable for thinking about it. I think anyone who says you are has not been in long term dire financial distress. It doesn’t mean you’d do it, or morally be okay with it even, just that it might seem like a lifeline for a minute.

Moltenpink · 02/04/2025 10:00

NuitDeSable · 02/04/2025 09:54

Chances are when you get to the hotel room there will be more than one man waiting in there.

Don't degrade yourself even further my prostituting your body go someone who sees you as nothing but a place to insert his penis.

Do you really think you'd ever see the money once they're done with you? You'll be man Ed and end up working for him or even trafficked.

I would also be really worried about something like this happening. Stay safe if you do consider it

carcassonne1 · 02/04/2025 09:59

Don't be cheap, tell him at least the minimum wage 🕶

Brefugee · 02/04/2025 09:58

you should have blocked him if you weren't happy to carry on seeing a married man. Made it clear that it is a complete break.

However. He has made you an offer that boils down to him paying you for sex. Are you ok with that? do it. If you're not ok with that, don't do it.

But he is married, and you will be a sex worker.

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 09:56

And I think he doesn't want prostitute as he wants it to be same woman? Long term arrangement, and to be able to text etc in between,not sure if prostitutes do that?! And it is not for overnight it is couple of hours daytime. Anyway I am not going to,just wanted to see opinions as never had anything like this before.

OP posts:
FranticHare · 02/04/2025 09:56

Some people would be happy, some people wouldn't be. No judgement on either - I think it completely depends on how you view sex. Same as some enjoy one night stands, or having a FWB. Others struggle with this.

Don't do anything you might regret.

NuitDeSable · 02/04/2025 09:54

Chances are when you get to the hotel room there will be more than one man waiting in there.

Don't degrade yourself even further my prostituting your body go someone who sees you as nothing but a place to insert his penis.

Do you really think you'd ever see the money once they're done with you? You'll be man Ed and end up working for him or even trafficked.

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