To consider this arrangement

redbull5 · 2025-04-02T08:26:44+00:00

I know I will be flamed, I don't know where to start with this, I went on a dates, it was ok, I didn't know he was married at first, I found out recently, he told me, I didn't suspect as he was happy to text/call all different times/no secrecy etc. I obviously stopped speaking/said wasn't interested when I found this out. Since then he has sent a few messages asking if I would consider a arrangement to meet weekly (in hotel) for sex, as he wants a long term woman/arrangement like this in exchange for money. He is Turkish,I am English. He is rich, I am poor. I don't think I will do It as it doesn't sit well but am I unreasonable to be tempted a bit by 600 a month when I am really struggling for money right now, in rent arrears, in overdraft soon as I am paid etc and before I knew he was married I did find him attractive and would of slept with him on the next date anyway I think. It feels wrong and dirty but is it really unreasonable to have thought about it and not said automatic no when you are really struggling with money, I considered to do it for around 6 months to clear my overdraft so I could start fresh as I can never catch up with that

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 02/04/2025 22:57

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 17:17

Yes it would make me feel bad, remorseful, but right now 600 a month seems very good and actually easy if I'm really honest. It's a lot to me. I could clear my overdraft and be able to start a month without debt after around 6 months, so nothing nice being brought just the thought of I can start from scratch financially and then make better habits and budget , but right now I can't get on top of my overdraft, it's out running me. And it's stressful. It seems easy, as yes I did fancy him, so it's not as if it's a ugly old man I detest, I'd maybe even enjoy it sexually, but I do feel morals come in to play and I'm obviously not comfortable with that or I wouldn't of posted asking opinions I would of just said ok but I guess I do have morals or I wouldn't of questioned or asked

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With all due respect, you don't seem to be listening to us. 600 is too low. It is well below "market rate".

You thinking you may have slept with him anyway is irrelevant. He isn't thinking of you as a date or a girlfriend. He is thinking of you as a sex worker. You need to think of him as a client.

Your reluctance to acknowledge that he may be offering too little makes me think that you don't feel you have any power to negotiate. Which either speaks to your self esteem, or you are worried about his reaction. Both of those options are bad if you are going to proceed with this.

He is wanting to enter a business arrangement with you. He is a business man. Negotiate. Value yourself. I promise you will establish a line in the sand that tells him you respect yourself more than just taking the first low ball offer.

He will walk all over you otherwise.

Believe me. I KNOW 600 is a lot of money. But you are selling yourself. Your body.
My friend who charged 300 a time was on the low end even a few years ago and she had other women who were doing it lecture her.

You have admitted you would feel bad if you did this so I really don't think you should. It isn't worth it for a quick fix.

I have tried to help on a practical level because at the very least you need to know that...

But you would be becoming part of a system that allows men to think they can buy women's bodies and you would be enabling a man to cheat on his wife.

Either do it, be smart and make sure he doesn't take advantage of you... Or keep your morals and work your way out of your financial situation another way.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 02/04/2025 20:35

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 13:17

Well yes he is the one on tinder, who went on 3 day time dates whilst married, not me, I am not married, and I had no reason to believe he was, I also didn't have sex with him, they were quite nice standard dates with no sex, and I also didn't come up with this idea, and actually didn't reply when he said he was married, and then said I wasn't interested further...then this, so I don't really think is my fault I went on dates with married man as I tend to believe people wanting to date that they are single 🤷

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Nobody is saying he isn't a cheating scumbag, but you didn't post a thread asking about what he should or shouldn't do. You asked for opinions about whether you would be wrong to consider it. The answer is yes, you would.

No, it wasn't your fault you went on a date not knowing he was married. But now you know he's married, it would be your fault. The fact that he is the one who owes faithfulness to his wife would not stop it from being a nasty, immoral thing for you to do.

BlondeMummyto1 · 02/04/2025 20:21

Once you take a penny he will think he owns you and will have other men waiting to make the £600 worth it.

Poppyseeds79 · 02/04/2025 20:19

If he can buy your body he'll feel entitled to treat it how he wants. I'd assume the 'deal' would be you supplying him with whatever he wants sexually that the wife won't do...

Nanny0gg · 02/04/2025 20:14

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 11:05

Well I would of yes (before I knew he was married) as I did like our dates and I thought he was attractive, maybe not weekly scheduled like that but I would of slept with him yes. Yes it is prostitution but I meant as in I am not a prostitute just a regular woman, never advertised myself as one, I just went on dates unknowningly. Yes people saying 600 is low, that is huge amount to me and yes prostitutes charge lots more but I am not one! I am not going to do it but I did want to see opinions as find interesting to discuss this...never had anything like this before 🤷

You also don't know what he'll expect you to do for £600

Iwannakeepondancing · 02/04/2025 20:12

I’d feel dirty and bad for his wife.

BodyKeepingScore · 02/04/2025 20:10

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 16:45

I went on dates, unknowingly, then this when I just wanted to see opinions if was in same situation as me. I'm not religious,don't see sex as sacred etc, I wasn't particularly looking for anything too serious just only dating but I was surprised.

It’s a bit of a leap to go from considering dating a man, to becoming his prostitute knowing he’s married…

Bumblebeestiltskin · 02/04/2025 20:09

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 14:24

Yeah I guess 600 per month, so say 150 a week for 2/3 hours daytime sex, that I would of probably happily of done if he wasn't married and it was more natural just because we was dating kind of thing, I probably would of had sex with him weekly or so if we was dating normally, it's just that it changes it. It becomes a arrangement. And it's weird.

Oh I thought it was £600 per session! Definitely not for £150, even if he wasn't married.

hazelnutvanillalatte · 02/04/2025 19:04

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 17:17

Yes it would make me feel bad, remorseful, but right now 600 a month seems very good and actually easy if I'm really honest. It's a lot to me. I could clear my overdraft and be able to start a month without debt after around 6 months, so nothing nice being brought just the thought of I can start from scratch financially and then make better habits and budget , but right now I can't get on top of my overdraft, it's out running me. And it's stressful. It seems easy, as yes I did fancy him, so it's not as if it's a ugly old man I detest, I'd maybe even enjoy it sexually, but I do feel morals come in to play and I'm obviously not comfortable with that or I wouldn't of posted asking opinions I would of just said ok but I guess I do have morals or I wouldn't of questioned or asked

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Again...please listen to the posters who say that if you do this, 600 is WAY too low

BodyKeepingScore · 02/04/2025 17:59

So your desire for money trumps his wife’s entitlement to respect and fidelity in your eyes?

Original poster

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 17:17

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 02/04/2025 14:29

He wants to meet 4 times a month for 600?

You are literally selling yourself short.

Sex work wouldn't exist if we didn't live in a patriarchal society where women are seen as commodities to buy/sell/trade... But a woman in a dire financial situation is the last person I will lecture on morality.

Think about yourself in 5 years, when you could be doing okay money wise. Will the thought of you doing sex work make you feel dirty, used, shameful?

If so, do not do it. A short term fix is not worth a lifetime of mental health issues surrounding intimacy and sex.

If you think you will be fine and you want to do it, then I would be asking for a more realistic number.

Make sure he pays for the entire month at once at the beginning, or at the very least in advance before each time. Do not let him "owe" you. Do not let him pay via PayPal or similar where he can claw the money back and call you a scammer (it could affect your ability to use banks).

I know a woman who did this for several years. She is happy she did it, but I feel sad she felt she had to in the first place.

Edit: My friend charged 300 per time and double that for anal. I forgot to add that she was doing the same as you are considering. She only did it with one man at a time. I guess it's a sugar baby arrangement. Your guy is probably on that seeking arrangements website lol

Edited

Yes it would make me feel bad, remorseful, but right now 600 a month seems very good and actually easy if I'm really honest. It's a lot to me. I could clear my overdraft and be able to start a month without debt after around 6 months, so nothing nice being brought just the thought of I can start from scratch financially and then make better habits and budget , but right now I can't get on top of my overdraft, it's out running me. And it's stressful. It seems easy, as yes I did fancy him, so it's not as if it's a ugly old man I detest, I'd maybe even enjoy it sexually, but I do feel morals come in to play and I'm obviously not comfortable with that or I wouldn't of posted asking opinions I would of just said ok but I guess I do have morals or I wouldn't of questioned or asked

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Original poster

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 16:46

But not with the wife/paying situation changes it for me a lot

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Original poster

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 16:45

I went on dates, unknowingly, then this when I just wanted to see opinions if was in same situation as me. I'm not religious,don't see sex as sacred etc, I wasn't particularly looking for anything too serious just only dating but I was surprised.

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Original poster

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 16:42

I just came for advice and opinions really, I don't think it's my fault he asked, as far as I knew he was single and I said not interested when I found out, that's all.

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Original poster

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 16:39

Ok maybe I am naive then but I've never been offered upfront like this before such a arrangement, all I asked was how bad it was I did honestly think about it, didn't decide either way, but yes 600 pounds a month if was long term anyway would go a huge way for me, as I wanted to have sex with him anyway eventually, but there is a lot more risks than I first thought through just dating, that I didn't consider so it feels definitely too risky now regardless of he is married or not, I understand married men have sex outside but it's not particularly what I like but men lie a lot and I'm not to blame for that, I didn't know, and said no straight away when he said.

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MissDoubleU · 02/04/2025 16:36

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 16:31

No I think it's more about a once about week but to chat in-between the week like a dating situation/more normal, so that's where I see the difference between a prostitute charging per hour etc, and that is was normal...until it changed. That's all. I guess he wants a 'girlfriend' to text etc in week, meet once a week, and it be a long term arrangement. Men never fail to surprise me is all ill say and I wanted to discuss as I don't know if this is normal request or really abnormal as I'm new to dating again

I think you’re failing to understand that the “girlfriend experience” is something men pay sex workers for. This is part of sex work. It doesn’t separate you from other prostitutes. It makes you even more of a career “working” prostitute than sleeping with a man once for one big pay out.

You’d just would be working for an incredibly meagre amount.

Original poster

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 16:35

Well I do know it's not normal lol, but I meant how odd is this? Is this quite normal or something completely worrying? I guess was just after opinions, and they have been varying, I thought I would be called disgusting to even think about it let alone do It, but this is the times.

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pinkyredrose · 02/04/2025 16:34

BeaAndBen · 02/04/2025 15:42

Because that’s how some of the grooming gangs worked?

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There's nothing to suggest that this guy is connected to grooming gangs.

BountifulPantry · 02/04/2025 16:33

Well I’ve never seen this TBH when I was dating.

but I wouldn’t say it was unusual.

Original poster

redbull5 · 02/04/2025 16:31

No I think it's more about a once about week but to chat in-between the week like a dating situation/more normal, so that's where I see the difference between a prostitute charging per hour etc, and that is was normal...until it changed. That's all. I guess he wants a 'girlfriend' to text etc in week, meet once a week, and it be a long term arrangement. Men never fail to surprise me is all ill say and I wanted to discuss as I don't know if this is normal request or really abnormal as I'm new to dating again

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BountifulPantry · 02/04/2025 16:28

Sorry you’re in this situation OP. I see how it would be tempting especially as you already liked him and were prepared to have a relationship with him.

I certainly wouldn’t judge you for going ahead. I think the long term affects to your mental health wouldn’t be worth it, for me.

ThreenagerCentral · 02/04/2025 16:20

You know what, there’s a lot of judgement on this thread, but I know how hard it is when finances are tight and it’s all you think about. You need to weigh up your mental health and sense of self and how this could be impacted by having sex for money. If it’s worth it, then push for more money. See how high he’ll go. Clear your debt in three months.

i’m sorry you find yourself in this situation, it’s not a choice you should have to face.

Lifeislove · 02/04/2025 16:12

ForgottenPasswordNewAccount · 02/04/2025 09:34

Yes, I would ask him to up to a 1k.

You were planning to give to him for free so why not take advantage of him to improve your life

I was going to post the same!
£250 cash each time . But he may want to do things you're not comfortable with but, because he's paying, will feel entitled to do anything he wants.
i think this could end up as a really bad situation and you wouldn't have any 'control' over some things.

I don't think you'd be safe

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 02/04/2025 16:11

I have worked as an escort before and the one thing I would say is that if you are going to do it, £600 a month is nowhere near enough. This is nowhere near "the going rate' (sorry to use such a term). You would be lowering yourself twice; once for doing it, and twice for accepting such a meagre amount of money.

If he is wanting to meet you literally just for an hour once a week for sex and nothing else, with no phone calls or anything in between, then £1k is around the figure pm you should be asking for.

If he wants to take you to dinner, spend the night together, occasionally contact you in between then £2k a month would be the norm. Of course he pays for all taxis, meals, hotels on top of this.

If he literally wants to be like a "boyfriend" and contact you anytime, pays for your phone, demands exclusivity, plus nights together that should be £3k a month.

For those posters saying "why doesn't he just hire a prostitute" it's because she is cheaper. Prostitutes charge the above. Plus he likes her, he's getting the woman of his choice rather than a random escort- this is worth money.

Just for your info if you do decide to go along with it. Don't sell yourself short. He won't respect you for it.

NuitDeSable · 02/04/2025 16:09

'I'm not particularly attractive even, I'm not ugly but I'm not stunning size 12 so I don't really understand why I was propositioned for this as never have anything like this before'

Ask yourself why a wealthy man wants to pay you for sex when there are very attractive women out there willing to sleep with a wealthy man for free?

You know he's up to no good.

Some cultures like go abuse women by oissing and shitting on them, it's quite a big thing especially in Dubai and you could end up in a really awful situation being raped and defecated on.