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Original poster

To expect my DH to take the day off today...

192 replies

2in2022twoyearson · 02/04/2025 06:20

...to look after our children as I have a virus, sore throat and ear pain mostly, very mild cough and congestion. I didn't sleep well the past two nights. Fully awake since 4 because I was too uncomfortable also, maybe poor mental health, I've had insomnia when I was pregnant, with prenatal anxiety and it's a vicious cycle. Took a lemsip at 5 which has made me feel ok, but if my DH goes to work I'll have to drive to do the school runs, go to a toddler gym I booked, which would probably be easier than staying at home, and generally care for my 2 year old. The 3pm school pick up I'm most worried about as I think I might not be able to do as if he was home I'd nap then. I'll see how I feel in an hour. I did stay home with ds a few months ago when I felt ill, was not too bad when DH left for work so didn't suggest anything and it was horrible so I decided I'd ask.

Context, I work 4 days a week with wednesdays off and yesterday I didn't feel well at work and came home an hour early. I was feverish in the night, DH comented on it.

Other options: see if childminder can have 2 year old and/ or book DD (at school) into after school club. My aunt may be free to do some childcare, she lives about 20 minutes drive as does my cousin, who also has 2 small children and Wednesdays off work but has never looked after ds.

I feel physically ok now, but that's the lemsip and I am unlikely to be able to stay awake all day.

DH is still in bed I gently asked if he'd take the day off and he, still half asleep said 'im not staying at home.' I felt suddenly so angry.i left the room because if I can argue with me he'll think I'm feeling ok.

OP posts:
Stressedoutforever · 02/04/2025 08:57

Surely either childminder or give the toddler something they don't normally get like an iPad and nap on the sofa? I wouldn't ask DH to take the day off

Ohthatsabitshit · 02/04/2025 08:55

Well unless I couldn’t drive I’d do the school run and I definitely wouldn’t share my germs at the toddler activity. Paracetamol when your lend up has worn off and large milky coffees as caffeine will help and warm drinks are comforting.

Blinkingbonkers · 02/04/2025 08:51

Really sorry you’re feeling unwell but one of the really crap bits of being a parent is you don’t really get sicks days unless you are really incapacitated which it really doesn’t sound like you are. And you only have the one child - it’s really not that bad!

Simplelobsterhat · 02/04/2025 08:50

If there is any scope for flexibility in his job, e.g start late or finish early for school run, then that would be reasonable, but I don't think many employers would give a day off because his wife has a virus.

Is there another school parent who might be able to take your son with them on the school run? Or perhaps your relative may be able to do that?

Don't even think about going to the toddler group if you are ill enough to even consider asking your husband to take a day off. Sell it to your toddler as a lazy day, give them as much screen time, easy snacks and TV as they want and cuddle up with them on the sofa.

Keep dosing up and be clear DH takes over all childcare as soon as he gets home, ideally bringing something easy for tea with him

NuitDeSable · 02/04/2025 08:48

No he doesn't need to take the day off! Like the wives of people that work away or are single mums, you have to get on with it.

Perhaps don't take the tiller to the activity and just come home and set up a play area whilst you rest on a couch.

Curiossir · 02/04/2025 08:42

you seem well enough to manage based on the evidence

loulouljh · 02/04/2025 08:42

No. Madness. It will no doubt feel endless but you get through it.

TheReturnOfFeathersMcGraw · 02/04/2025 08:32

Oh it's rotten @2in2022twoyearson when you feel rough and have to carry on.

Alternate between paracetamol (lemsip or otherwise) and ibruprofen to keep you going through the day. Do school run this morning then snuggle up with the toddler. Make a room safe then lie on the sofa while they watch tv/play, then have a nap when they do (if they do). See if someone else can do the later pick up for you

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 02/04/2025 08:30

Lorcanne · 02/04/2025 08:24

Don’t go to the toddler gym if you’re sick. Why pass on the bug to young children?

Edited

Yes I don't get why OP is even contemplating this. She's apparently so sick she needs her husband to stay home, but has no qualms passing the bug on to other people including a room full of toddlers.

SatsumaDog · 02/04/2025 08:28

Being ill and having to look after young children is one of the worst parts of parenting. I totally get why you want your DH to stay home. However, I’m afraid you don’t sound incapacitated, which I would have had to have been to ask DH to stay home. I would try and push through and see how you are tomorrow.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 02/04/2025 08:28

Feeling OK after a lemsip doesn't equal sick enough another adult should call in sick to care for kids and you. Sounds like you've been lucky with illness because this wouldn't even register as a possibility for many people, you're not sick enough for what you're wanting to be reasonable.

TaggieO · 02/04/2025 08:26

No, I wouldn’t expect my husband to take a day off just because I’ve needed a lemsip Confused

Heronwatcher · 02/04/2025 08:26

Sorry it’s miserable but that’s life.

If my partner and I had taken days off every time the other was ill we’d both have got the sack!

Definitely get the extra childcare though. And I’d ask him to fix lunch for you both before he goes and get back at a decent time to help with bed time.

Lorcanne · 02/04/2025 08:24

Don’t go to the toddler gym if you’re sick. Why pass on the bug to young children?

EdithBond · 02/04/2025 08:22

You’re pregnant, unwell and haven’t slept. Your DH should be looking after you and his kids. Can he WFH as a compromise?

NoIcantDropthis · 02/04/2025 08:21

ArtyFartyHippopotamus · 02/04/2025 08:03

I’m sorry that you are feeling unwell, but if you are well enough to use social media then you are well enough to struggle through this. We have all been ill but our responsibilities don’t stop. Your husbands job is probably the main family income and in the current job market he needs to be a reliable employee. If it was a medical emergency then that would be a different scenario. Use plan B and ask other family members for help. Hope you feel better soon.

Because typing on MN is equivalent to looking after a 2 year old and doing school runs feeling unwell 😂

NoIcantDropthis · 02/04/2025 08:19

I think he should take the day off. It’s important to rest and pace yourself when you have a virus and if you need to even ask him to be off then that’s a sign you’re too ill to manage alone . Would he even take half a day off to help later on ?

nessiesnotreal · 02/04/2025 08:18

No, absolutely not. Not unless I was very unwell and could literally not move. If you feel well after a lemsip then you can’t be that bad.

However I do sympathize with you. This is one of the crap things about having kids. You have to turn up for the job even if you feel like shit.

Soldier on. Try and book the other childminding options you may have to give you a bit of a break and/or see if you can get your Aunt on board. I get why you want to rest a bit so take those options up if you can.

Hope you feel better soon.

GirlWhatHaveYouDoneYoureAPinkPonyGirl · 02/04/2025 08:17

Get a grip!
Set an alarm if you honestly think you would sleep through the time to collect your child ⏰

Gloriia · 02/04/2025 08:16

It isn't easy when you have a cold and you have small dc to look after but you can't expect your dh to take time off work.
Just carry on wirh regular paracetamol and ask your aunt to do school pick up if needed.

legsekeven · 02/04/2025 08:15

applegrumbling · 02/04/2025 08:13

Why are you just taking Lemsip? Take some proper painkillers!

Lemsip contains paracetamol. Be careful about mixing it with other things

Eenameenadeeka · 02/04/2025 08:13

Sounds like you're fine without him if the toddler gym sounds easier than staying home. But please don't go to the toddler gym and make other children sick unnecessarily.

applegrumbling · 02/04/2025 08:13

Why are you just taking Lemsip? Take some proper painkillers!

Imperfectpolly · 02/04/2025 08:11

Hi OP, sorry to hear you are under the weather and I hope you feel better soon. You mention your MH, it took me years to feel better after my youngest so I really feel for you. It makes the physical illnesses seem so much worse when you have that black cloud hanging over you as well.

I think you should book the after school club. If you can't get a place, tell DH that you may have to ring him later to collect DD if you are too unwell or tired to drive. Soldier on at home with 2yo, just make it through the day whatever way you can. Hopefully by tomorrow you'll be feeling much better.

ohtowinthelottery · 02/04/2025 08:11

Absolutely not. Dose yourself up and crack on with looking after the children as best you can even if that means putting the tv on all day for the toddler. You never know when you might need your DH to take emergency leave for something serious so don't use it for what is essentially a mild virus.
And I wouldn't be going to the gym session either. Other parents don't want your germs.
You can catch up on sleep when your DH gets home from work.