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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect my DH to take the day off today...

192 replies

2in2022twoyearson · 02/04/2025 06:20

...to look after our children as I have a virus, sore throat and ear pain mostly, very mild cough and congestion. I didn't sleep well the past two nights. Fully awake since 4 because I was too uncomfortable also, maybe poor mental health, I've had insomnia when I was pregnant, with prenatal anxiety and it's a vicious cycle. Took a lemsip at 5 which has made me feel ok, but if my DH goes to work I'll have to drive to do the school runs, go to a toddler gym I booked, which would probably be easier than staying at home, and generally care for my 2 year old. The 3pm school pick up I'm most worried about as I think I might not be able to do as if he was home I'd nap then. I'll see how I feel in an hour. I did stay home with ds a few months ago when I felt ill, was not too bad when DH left for work so didn't suggest anything and it was horrible so I decided I'd ask.

Context, I work 4 days a week with wednesdays off and yesterday I didn't feel well at work and came home an hour early. I was feverish in the night, DH comented on it.

Other options: see if childminder can have 2 year old and/ or book DD (at school) into after school club. My aunt may be free to do some childcare, she lives about 20 minutes drive as does my cousin, who also has 2 small children and Wednesdays off work but has never looked after ds.

I feel physically ok now, but that's the lemsip and I am unlikely to be able to stay awake all day.

DH is still in bed I gently asked if he'd take the day off and he, still half asleep said 'im not staying at home.' I felt suddenly so angry.i left the room because if I can argue with me he'll think I'm feeling ok.

OP posts:
Sofiewoo · 02/04/2025 13:36

JHound · 02/04/2025 13:28

Where I draw the line is where I drew it in my post.

You think an unpaid day for your wife having a cold when she says she “feels okay” in their first post is necessary or going to go down well?

tootsfan · 02/04/2025 13:35

Single mums have to cope, regardless. Step up
Anyone who has had children has had to deal with this

Fraggeek · 02/04/2025 13:32

Yabvu

Honestly. This is ridiculously dramatic for a virus. Especially one helped by OTC medication. I really cannot roll my eyes hard enough.

Anyone else wouldn't think twice about just getting on with it. I'm actually baffled.

I'm actually quite certain this is rage bait.

JHound · 02/04/2025 13:28

KaToby · 02/04/2025 07:50

It’s a mild cold, where do you draw the line? Most people go to work with a cold and keep the house running/children cared for.
Save the days off for when they’re really needed.

Where I draw the line is where I drew it in my post.

Littlemisscapable · 02/04/2025 13:14

vbacqueen1 · 02/04/2025 12:43

If you feel better after having a Lemsip, just take more later……?

This. Sorry but this is just the crappy deal you get as a parent when you are ill..just crack on unless you are actually vomiting or something.. its rubbish but it's only for a few years. I would save dh taking days off for actual emergencies or if kids are sick/ have appts so you are not always the one taking off. Hope u get better soon.

GreatGardenstuff · 02/04/2025 13:12

If you feel ok once the lemsip has kicked in, then you should be ok. Stick the tv on and have a needs must day.

I think the nature of his dismissal is probably your real issue. Can you talk to him about plans for if you’re properly incapacitated, at a time when he’s fully engaged in the conversation, rather than half asleep?

Fuzzymuddle33 · 02/04/2025 13:08

Same but could have a day in. PJ day with the kids and lots of TV and screen time.

Fuzzymuddle33 · 02/04/2025 13:07

Unfortunately (and I remember it well) being a parent is a job without days off. It’s a shame it’s fallen for you on your day with the kids. Maybe take tomorrow off your job to catch up on rest.

faerietales · 02/04/2025 13:05

HermioneHerman · 02/04/2025 09:38

This is an interesting thread. Women are always expected to just carry on when they are ill, aren't they (no comment on husband having a day off or not)?

I'd be interested to know what his own threshold is for taking a sick day and what he is expected to do when ill? If he was suffering with a bad cold like you, would he take a day off work? And would he be expecting to do childcare, school runs etc at the same time? Or would he go to bed, rest, sleep it off and generally just take care of himself and his needs? I'd hazard an educated guess at the answer.

It’s a cold, not the bubonic plague 🙄

MuminMama · 02/04/2025 13:05

You have my sympathies, but if you feel like you could safely drive, it doesn’t sound like you’re super ill and you should maybe save asking your partner to stay at home for when you really can’t manage

MrsRaspberry · 02/04/2025 12:44

Cancel the toddler gym and stay home with little one so you're not passing a virus around a bunch of kids at a play centre. Hubby doesn't need to take the day off work for you having a sore throat bug. Single parents have to do school runs regardless of a bug going around

vbacqueen1 · 02/04/2025 12:43

If you feel better after having a Lemsip, just take more later……?

Hwi · 02/04/2025 12:38

Mistressofnone · 02/04/2025 12:09

Didn’t know about that service @Hwi! I’m not sure I understand your response. Was just advising vigilance as it is highly contagious and can be dangerous for young ones.

Apologies, you are absolutely right. I was just venting because it is impossible to get antibiotics after realising you need them - like with these white dots and strep. Apologies again, you are right to advise vigilance - maybe the OP's GP is different and they can get an appt to get antibiotics when they see the white dots - it is just impossible where I am registered

OneLemonGuide · 02/04/2025 12:20

HermioneHerman · 02/04/2025 09:38

This is an interesting thread. Women are always expected to just carry on when they are ill, aren't they (no comment on husband having a day off or not)?

I'd be interested to know what his own threshold is for taking a sick day and what he is expected to do when ill? If he was suffering with a bad cold like you, would he take a day off work? And would he be expecting to do childcare, school runs etc at the same time? Or would he go to bed, rest, sleep it off and generally just take care of himself and his needs? I'd hazard an educated guess at the answer.

In my experience, men are just as likely to carry on regardless as women. Sure, there are some that lack resilience, but as this thread shows, that applies to some women too.

Nursemumma92 · 02/04/2025 12:15

Hwi · 02/04/2025 11:04

OK, and then what? 15 years ago there was a strep service in Boots, where they took a swab for a tenner and if positive for strep, prescribed antibiotics on the spot- they've stopped this now. So what is the point? See white spots and not get a GP appointment, like, ever?

You can access the sore throat pathway via a pharmacy, a pharmacist will look at your throat, swab it if they think it's necessary and prescribe antibiotics if needed.

Mistressofnone · 02/04/2025 12:09

Didn’t know about that service @Hwi! I’m not sure I understand your response. Was just advising vigilance as it is highly contagious and can be dangerous for young ones.

MeridaBrave · 02/04/2025 12:01

Would just plough on unless vomiting non stop or similar.

Sofiewoo · 02/04/2025 11:59

NinjaPaws · 02/04/2025 11:37

My DH didn't even take the day off when I was suffering with cancer and the treatments, when our daughter was 4.

What’s your point?
Are you suggesting that somehow makes him a good husband or father?

faerietales · 02/04/2025 11:49

NinjaPaws · 02/04/2025 11:37

My DH didn't even take the day off when I was suffering with cancer and the treatments, when our daughter was 4.

That’s absolutely appalling.

NinjaPaws · 02/04/2025 11:37

My DH didn't even take the day off when I was suffering with cancer and the treatments, when our daughter was 4.

Alittlebit9 · 02/04/2025 11:16

I feel you OP, I’m on day 6 of a horrible virus. I had to solo parent 2yo DD Friday, Saturday and Sunday as DH had to work - so had a very rough Mother’s Day feeling sorry for myself! It’s crap, but just one of those things you have to push through..

FWIW, DH has now caught it and will be taking DD out later on his own as I now have to work. Goes both ways!

Hwi · 02/04/2025 11:04

Mistressofnone · 02/04/2025 06:29

I have exactly the same symptoms. So much pain in throat & ear, congested but not really a cough. Fever. Turned out to be strep throat which is doing the rounds - via the kids. Check your throat for white spots!

OK, and then what? 15 years ago there was a strep service in Boots, where they took a swab for a tenner and if positive for strep, prescribed antibiotics on the spot- they've stopped this now. So what is the point? See white spots and not get a GP appointment, like, ever?

cestlaviecherie · 02/04/2025 10:52

HermioneHerman · 02/04/2025 09:38

This is an interesting thread. Women are always expected to just carry on when they are ill, aren't they (no comment on husband having a day off or not)?

I'd be interested to know what his own threshold is for taking a sick day and what he is expected to do when ill? If he was suffering with a bad cold like you, would he take a day off work? And would he be expecting to do childcare, school runs etc at the same time? Or would he go to bed, rest, sleep it off and generally just take care of himself and his needs? I'd hazard an educated guess at the answer.

We don't have kids but run our own business and my DH gets migraines. He doesn't take a day off work, he just tries to work through as he can from home and take breaks to sleep/throw up when he's able. He would barely notice a bad cold.

HermioneHerman · 02/04/2025 10:06

AliBaliBee1234 · 02/04/2025 09:51

I don't know about anyone else, but my husband never takes time off sick. Still helps with the baby and around the house like I do when unwell.

Alot of men are really great help and don't deserve the bashing. Sorry if yours isn't.

Nope, my husband is wonderful, nothing to do with my own situation at all. Just social commentary on the general expectation that women will/have to carry on when they are ill, in a way that many men don't. I didn't suggest he should take a day off.

BodyKeepingScore · 02/04/2025 10:04

I wouldn’t expect my partner to take a day off if I was unwell. If you’re well enough to consider attending toddler gym, you’re not unwell enough to require that your partner takes a day off.
And surely you shouldn’t be attending somewhere with toddlers if you’re potentially infectious?

Keep your child home, ask another friend or family member to help with school pick up and stick the tv on to entertain the kids until your partner is home.