To consider private school

YABU because she is 13 months old! Check out what the local primary schools are like. As someone working in a private school, a good state primary can be as good as private. I don't think that the additional resources are actually that useful at such a young age (unless you desperately want Santa arriving in a helicopter, or a professional quality recording suite for little Johnny's scratchy violin performance...)

It definitely makes a difference at secondary level. But... 13 months old!!!!

It's not always easy to get a place in a state school if you don't apply the normal entry points - reception and year 7. You will get a place somewhere but the best schools will be full. Especially difficult during KS1 as there are stricter limits on class size.

If your dd is walking early as well as talking early that means she is likely to be an all rounder which is good because alot of the brain power jobs will be taken by AI.

I suspect social skills will be paramount for getting the high powered jobs that are left.

If you have alcohol addiction in the family then you might want to be wary of some private high schools where there are drugs and anorexia problems. Also some prepare girls for the marriage market rather than pushing academics. On the other hand your brother had been poorly served by pushing academics. So grammar school might not help either.

You might be best looking at an area where there is an outstanding primary and high school. This means there are likely to be like-minded peers. There was recently a school happiness index which I think was helped by having great clubs and pastoral care which can be the most important thing for children with a slightly precarious genetic background.

You do bring your own experiences to your school choice. Dh absolutely hated having a long bus journey to his school and living miles away from friends so for him it was important his kids could walk to school and live in the community where the school is.

OP I think you need to visit schools and dispel some myths.i have been to both so can speak about attending both.

Private schools aren’t always better and can have lots of SEN kids who attend them too as the smaller classrooms can be ideal. Councils also pay many children to attend private schools as the local may not be able to accommodate those children locally.

Behaviour of children comes from the children and private schools doesn’t mean child don’t behave like that. Also parent that can afford it may send their SEN kids who haven’t been diagnosed yet as the setting may be better for them. Of course a lot of SEN kids aren’t disruptive but I mention it here as you brought it up.

You say your child is advanced and may be bored - while this may be true today you don’t know how their development will be in 3/4 years.

Private schools aren’t more automatically advanced in their teaching. There are still standards and national curriculum (because standards for exams have to be the same for uni etc). They don’t always ‘push’ the more advanced kids and for example our local primary has stretch work and extra work for those kids who were bored.

Most private schools don’t stream as such as there aren’t enough kids per class and with SEN kids the classes aren’t all teaching at Einstein level. Secondary schools will stream for levels.

Also, you don’t know what your child will be into - sport? art? music? Does the private schools offer these? Do they have enough kids at the school for a school team as many don’t. Our local secondary over over 120 clubs and team etc. There really is something for everyone.

i would save the money and spend it on clubs, outside activities etc. Does your child really want to change schools after a few years?

Kids can be self driving but a strong support for academics at home would get your kid there. We believe in academics at home and there are kids at my kids school who will be attending Oxbridge and Russell group in the autumn. So my child has every opportunity to get there too and it will be down to them. Private school will give them a setting where more are likely to go and academics are important but it isn’t the only route.

Honestly please get out of your head that private is automatically better. It may be right for your child but you don’t really know at 13 months.

All of this.
You say you are worried she will be bored. The children will be grouped. There will be other bright children and , if appropriate, she will be put with them. The bright children will be stretched. The less able will be supported at their level.
Many children come into school appearing to be at a more advanced level than their peers . This evens out hugely over the Reception year .
You ( and she) absolutely sound as if there may be neurodiversity there .
If you put your daughter in a private school it will be very hard for both of you to give that up. Realistically you can't afford it.

Hi op I would visit local schools open days. Many middle clsss parents with bright kids send their kids there and they do well especially in London.
If you're happy to share which are of London you're in then maybe private school parents could share if their school has a nursery. Eg I saw orchard house school advertising bursaries from age 8 for state school pupils. Godolphin and latymer has an outreach programme to teach state school pupils about butsairies and applying for private schools.

It's for you to choose the most appropriate school so I won't comment on that, other than to say that I wouldn't recommend paying for a couple of years and then moving her... that seems very disruptive to me. Having said that, it isn't clear as to whether you might have to move at that point in any case, so the disruption might have to happen anyway.

What I really wanted to say is that I think you're fixating too much on the academic stuff. Yes, she sounds clever. Too early to say how clever, but she is clearly well ahead of her milestones and it's easy to get swept away by that if you're not careful. My dd was very similar and I remember it well.

But presumably your goal as a parent isn't to produce the cleverest kid on the block who does everything way ahead of all the others? It isn't a race and you don't get any prizes for hitting milestones early. It's surely far more important that your dc grows into a happy, well-balanced, functional kid who is able to make the best of her natural abilities and get along with the people around her?

If she's really intelligent, that intelligence isn't going to evaporate. So I would focus on the other aspects of her development -especially the social and emotional stuff. Especially if she is potentially neurodivergent, because she may struggle with that side of things. I see so many parents of "gifted" children neglecting the bigger picture in favour of focusing on the academics, but ultimately, it's the social and emotional stuff that will make the biggest positive difference in her life. So choose a school that will support her in that area. Whether that happens to be state or private doesn't really matter.

Don't get too hung up on how clever she is. My dd continued to be exceptionally clever and has done brilliantly academically, but she is also a very well rounded person with lots of friends and the skills that will enable her to get on in life. I excelled at the academic stuff but wasn't encouraged in other areas...a fact that I deeply regret.

I don't actually think it matters that much what type of school you pick for your dd. I think it is your approach to parenting that will make the biggest difference. And I would encourage you to not get too caught up in how academically brilliant she might be, and to focus on the bigger picture of nurturing her into a healthy, happy and well balanced child who knows how to function effectively in the world.

Also OP, you said yourself you and your brother excelled in school. You both did very well and got good qualifications, what you didn’t have was an engaged parent at home supporting you, pushing you, and helping you work out your options. That is the biggest part of the puzzle, you will be that parent.

I think the money would be better spent positioning yourself in a good area for state schools, extra curriculars, holidays, and explore scholarships when she’s older. You have to be realistic as to what you can provide, and she only has one childhood, do you really want to scrimp and save at the cost of all else for something she may not even need/want. You can help her with her future, whilst providing security and and enrichment now. It can be a lot of pressure on a child to over stretch for something with high expectations.

I wouldn’t waste my money on private for reception/year one if I could only afford a few years. I’d save that for secondary, and instead spent the early years ensuring she doesn’t miss out on play and developing other skills. She may have hyperlexia if you’re already noticing she can read/notice letters.

Gifted children can struggle because it’s not noticed and it can be hard to think and take in information differently to their peers. I think the tendency is to assume they need challenging constantly, whereas I think we forget they are still children who deserve the chance to play!

My DD is nowhere as advanced as yours is, actually, her speech was quite delayed, but she was recognised as being very bright at nursery.

She attended a good primary school and a below average secondary school in terms of results. However, the school has a great ethos, encouraged independent skills and the pupils were overall lovely. They recognised the needs of very bright pupils and in a way, because they were significantly fewer than at a private school, they gave them more attention as individuals. DD thrived, even if bored at time, but it taught her to adapt to a realistic world and make friends from any background.

She attended a very average college where she also received the individual attention she needed to aced all her A levels and get her where she wanted to be. I'm so pleased she attended these schools.

Saying that, she was still within the rims of 'normal' intelligence. Kids who are geniuses, who are 2 or more years ahead are another kettle of fish and are often homeschooled any way. Just wait and see how she fares. Remember that school is not just about developing intellectual learning but also social skills.

The "bright child being bored at school" thing does not kick in during YR-Y3 at all precisely because there's such a huge variation in when children meet milestones. There's very little whole-class uniformity and it's genuinely beneficial for the most able children to be in a mixed-ability class. I have experienced myself many times that if I understand something well and am getting high marks that's great, but the understanding I have and my ability to remember it long-term (rather than it falling out of my memory when not regularly practicing it, as one does with schoolwork when moving from topic to topic) is massively enhanced if I am asked to explain the thing I understand to someone who doesn't understand. Enthusiasm for school and education in early years is set by parental attitudes, how much you engage with her outside of school and get her to make connections (let's count the trees along this road. There's 3 swings on each swing frame and there's 2 swing frames so there's 6 swings because 2x3 is 6). Reading with her at home is important. Having lots of books at home is important. Her seeing you reading books for pleasure as a leisure activity (rather than seeing you always with your eyes on a screen when not on her) is important. The attitude and intelligence of her classmates is really not that important at that age.

I am not surprised that the private school fees seem affordable to you for YR & Y1 - most private schools do this, it's to lure in the people who are vascillating because they know there's nothing wrong with the free version at that age. The fees ramp up a step for y2/3/4 and then another significant step up for y5/6 when the quality of school and attitude of peers really does start to be significant, and state education starts getting less differentiated as the "evening out" I wrote of before has generally happened and the bulk of the class are at a similar stage, and they start practicing for SATS which gets very dull indeed.

I am generally pro-private-school - though I wish we as a country funded state education enough that it wasn't necessary. When even a nominally socialist government is requiring schools to cut staff and make savings I can't hope for that - so under those circumstances I see nothing wrong with those who can afford it spending their money to buy something better than state provision. I just think that if your funds are limited and you cannot pay fees in full for 14 years then yR and Y1 are the least effective time to spend what you have.

We saved everything we could with DC in state until y6., then private for y7-y11 when I believe the extra money has the biggest impact, when the attitude of peers and the culture of the school have the highest influence. I would have liked to start at y5, as DC was definitely bored and frustrated at state for the last 2 years of primary, so if you have realistic options for excellent state selective gramnar schools for y7 it might be that y5-y6 are the best option for you.

As some PPs have mentioned - possibly autism: pattern seeking (recognising letters etc) at a young age can be indicative of this). Do you know of any autism in your family?

To your question: wait until she is older. And factor in the term fees are just the basic payments needed, there are plenty of other things which would cost that you need to accommodate.

I be would send her to a private nursery attached to prep school using your free hours.

of it turns out she is exceeding expectations and the environment is right for her you can continue through prep for a bit.

if it turns out she’s an early developer and others catch up you could chose to switch to state primary and aim for 7 or 11+ and use the money towards some tutors. You could apply them for scholarship and/or bursary.

I think if you like the idea of a private education there’s no reason why you should t explore it.

I'm not against state or grammar education per se but do with state was mikes better so those who don’t have funds or an exceptional skill don’t miss out.

We have twins - both passed 11 plus and started in grammars - one struggled and we moved her to private due to her Sen needs so I have a lot of experience of primary / senior government schools and two private senior schools.

I think there is a misconception in the community that private schools are better for bright kids - I’ve not found that at all. Each private school is different - some local ones can have a lot of Sen kids who need extra support. I definately think my son’s free government school is a better academic option than my daughter’s private school. But she does better with the small class sizes in a private school and it’s meant she has flourished for this reason where she was struggling due to sensory overload in her well regarded free government school.

I think you need to slow down.

Your child is 13 months old.

It‘s way too soon to be thinking about this, you need to look at the schools local to you but nearer the time, a lot changes. No way I would pay for private with the excellent state schools we have near us, if she’s naturally bright she will excel anyway, it doesn’t sound like you have the money and means to utilise private education in the way wealthy families do. It’s not some golden ticket to guaranteed success, especially if you’re scraping pay for a mediocre school.

As a single parent you’d likely be much better investing in her in other ways. Are you still military?

If you can only afford a couple of years, no, don't do it.
She is barely 1, you cannot know how capable she is, and if she truly is that brilliant, she will be fine in a state environment with you providing enrichment.

Move somewhere else using your savings if where you are is so awful.

Same! I really wanted INclusive - exclusive really doesn’t appeal to me.

Whatever you do is going to affect your child forever (‘they fuck you up, your mum and dad’ - just like you’re affected into adulthood by not being allowed to go to private school), so accept that you can’t make a perfect choice. We moved around a lot as a child and it wasn’t great for me, so for my kids we are staying put until they’re through school. So my initial response to your post is to move now, before your kid starts any school, and then she won’t have to move schools. Even if you’re not moving house, moving school is disruptive, so if you can’t afford private, move to where there are good state schools before reception age. Very few people actually can’t move, they just don’t want to. I guess you’re caring for someone who is 95 or something and won’t be around in 5 years?

The diversity thing was my main reason against opting for private, which we could afford. We wanted our dc to learn to muck along with everyone not just the privileged few.

I say that as someone who was very fortunate to have a private school education and loved it

I would read up on neurodiverse brains - in some cases the brain develops at a rapid rate early and then slows down. Your DD may need the SEND support that you think takes up so much of State teachers time.

Having said that the fact you care about your daughter's education puts your child at a huge advantage - many, many parents don't value education. Don't stress, keep investing in experiences and play to help a lovely of learning.

OP, there are several things going on here - all of which indicate private school is not a sensible choice and/or you’re basing it on the wrong things

• you’re using your and your brother’s schooling experiences as emotional fodder - this isn’t relevant
• advanced infants and toddlers aren’t indicative of academic achievement
• you can’t afford it
• actively intending to shift a child about in schools rather than aiming for consistency and stability is … not great