To consider private school

Oh myself and my children all had a very good education. Two of us have First Class degrees my oldest child has a PHD . We all went to state schools. My husband has 2 GCSE’s and an excellent job in a position that he has worked very hard to be in. I’m in no way delusional.

Exactly!!!

People who don’t use private schools, for whatever reason, are too quick to jump in with their preconceived ideas.

This line is always trotted out by people who didn’t/don’t have kids in private. It’s irrelevant if you could afford it (why the need to even say that?). What has this to do with the OP’s question.

There are some fantastic prep schools out there. There are also some mediocre schools with fancy uniforms....

You need to be really clear in your mind what it is you're looking for. A nurturing, encouraging environment (where very average kids are praised and celebrated) or a more academic setting where she'll be surrounded by other clever children. The best schools manage to tick both boxes, but you need to decide which aspect is the most important, and which is the bonus.

You need to get to some working open days, ie normal teaching days when the school is open for visitors, to get the best flavour of the school.

FWIW my kids did very well academically in a very average primary school, and passed 11+ exams with no extra tutoring (despite being bored at times in class). The main areas they missed out on compared with a private prep were music, Art, DT, competitive sports, science and languages, but they're enjoying those opportunities now at secondary.

At the moment I am thinking of paying for her to attend a local private school with the view of applying for a scholarship place if she proves to be academically able in the future

Yes, do this.

You and your brother are academically gifted. It's clear this isn't a pushy parent thing, but an innate talent. It's likely therefore your daughter is gifted too. You seem lovely and I wish you and her all the best.

She's lucky to have a mum like you

So she will for example see an 'a' and say 'ah' and point out a 's' and say mama 'sssss'. She does this for approx 20 different letters consistently and does it when I am reading to her.

a lot of this sort of thing is just visual memory, familiaritt & echoing/imitative without real comprehension and its quite common/normal! Lots of babies and toddlers will do these sorts of things. Its also common for a parent to notice it when it appears to be correct but dismiss other sounds a baby makes that aren't correct, so there's a natural sort of confirmation bias.

Op i am sure you have a lovely, bright DC developing well but just enjoy her for what she is in all her dribbley cuddley adorableness, a 13 month old baby. Time enough when she's older to make choices based on her academic leanings, don't wish these years away obsessing over her potential for future genius.

Your baby is only 13 months old.

I don’t want to jump the gun, but my DS sounds exactly like your daughter at that age. He was exceptionally gifted at numbers, shapes, letters, vocabulary. He was later diagnosed with autism (formerly Asperger’s) and ADHD. His extreme intelligence was the only sign at that age too…

If you only used private for 2 years then switched to state then the best state schools won’t have space for your child and you might not get a space there for years (possibly never) The state schools with space are likely to be the ones that aren’t so good and may be a complicated journey away from your house. If you want to do 2 years in private then it’s probably best to start off in the best state that you can then switch but check that the secondaries that you would choose don’t have feeder primaries

Something to think about in the future is whether your DD will want to go to a school where the majority have a lot of money and she doesn’t. Some kids will have all the latest toys and cool clothes. Some may go abroad every holiday.

my kids went state for primary and private for secondary. It’s a staggering amount of money and the extras add up. DS is top level sport and we had to £250 recently for a 2 night trip to a competition at the other end of the country. I look at my sisters kids who went to the local comp…. And one got into Cambridge.

I honestly wouldn’t go private in your situation. Being honest, although the kids had a great experience at their school, if I had my time again I’d prob make different decisions and sent them state.

Look at Christs Hospital school. Could be a good option in a decade.

@HowManyDucks have you actually been around to look at your local state primaries? Why do you think they are so bad?

Talk to the state schools. Ask if there’s a way to chat to some parents of gifted children about their experiences with the schools. I really wouldn’t start her in private then move back to state. The other way round is much better. But also, you may well be surprised at how well some state schools do cater for exceptional children.

I agree it is too early to know how your child will develop and plenty peers could be similarly capable by the time you get to school age, however it does sound like your little one is particularly advanced for their age. Worthwhile keeping an eye from a neurodivergence lens, particularly with your family backgrounds.

In terms of the best thing for them, I'd suggest visiting and seeing the various settings you're considering and take a look at what environment is going to be a good fit for your little one. Forest learning sounds a wonderful outlet and speaking from experience with my little ones who are pre-school age, the outdoor play has being a truly excellent offering for them to build their motor skills, risk taking, curiosity, balance etc.

To share my experience of private school nursery, the one my (high functioning autistic) daughter attends has been outstanding for her development. She has come on night and day in a year, she is being challenged with maths at a stage the year beyond her peer group by the teachers as she is capable and this is building her foundations in numeracy. She is not being over stretched, more just being exposed to foundations which are helping her development, from outdoor play to activities developing her gross and fine motor movements to a lot of exposure to language and numeracy. For us, a handful of years private have been and will continue to be so worthwhile.

A lot of people prioritise secondary stage, as it is leading up to exam stages and the pathway from there is on to university, careers, jobs, however I think there is an enormous underestimation of the importance of early years. Ages 0-5 and 5-8 are incredibly important for brain development and set the foundation for future learning and behaviour.

A few years in a brilliant setting isn't to be underestimated. However it would be good to think about the overall education plan for your child - how will you provide them consistency in good quality education and minimise disruption. Think about the transition points if you are to move them school down the line, and ideally mitigate the number of times they will be socially impacted from school / location changes which may disrupt their social relationships and could impact their confidence. In an ideal world perhaps you could start them off somewhere they could get great exposure for their development but not need to move on from albeit children can be pretty adaptable when they're young in my experience. I'm sure your child will thrive whatever you chose and sounds like you're doing a lot of reading which is the most important thing you could be doing with them ongoing over the years.

I’ve posted this on threads before - my DS was an incredibly advanced baby. I thought he was a genius because he said his first clear word at 8 months and was conversing fluently by about 14 months, and doing all of the things you say your child can do (so I can believe it), including the French because we took him to a baby French class. He could also sing in French and has perfect pitch so could identify notes by ear and complained when people sang out of tune or in a different key from the original.

Roll on a few years and he’s 6 and at primary school and bright yes, but not out of the ordinary and not even the top of his class (he is summer born and has nothing on those autumn born girls!).

And what is more, I am positively glad that he’s not exceptional because in most cases that comes with challenges. He is happy and fantastic socially, and that is actually the biggest predictor of future happiness and success.

You don’t need to be fixating on private school as some kind of panacea just because you had a bad experience at state school as a child. You’ve got time to identify a good state school that will support your child academically but also socially. She will have no problem accessing a grammar school for secondary if she continues to do well academically, and then you can save your money for enriching extra curricular experiences.

For now, just chill out and enjoy her as you would any other child. Bright children don’t need anything different or special, just love like all kids.

If you think sitting on your arse having ‘me time’ watching a film on a night is more important than a good education you are deluded.

I see my children no less than the average parent. I don’t miss school functions and they have cooked from scratch food on the table every day. I organised my evenings in their early years to ensure there was enough money to give them a good education.

Now they aren’t interested in what I do in the evenings. They have hobbies, music, homework, clubs and are extremely well rounded kids. You won’t ever make me feel guilty for working to give them the best of opportunities.

All I hear when people like you say silly things like that is I didn’t do enough to give my children the tools to be the best they can be.

I haven’t read the full post yet but my advice would be to ensure that you live in an area with good state secondary schools, to keep your options open at least.

We have two very bright DS and fell for the “bright child will do anywhere”, and in retrospect took our eye off the ball thinking that the local secondary would be okay but it really wasn’t. It’s currently rated as “well below average” for its progress score, according to government figures, with the worst scores by far for the higher ability cohort and boys. Both DS were failed academically and pastorally, and we had to move to private part way through years 10 (not advised) and 9. Private being necessary due to long waiting lists for any other local state school places and to match options, and the smaller classes have helped with filling their educational gaps.

It’s a struggle to pay the fees (+VAT but I won’t go there) and something we could have avoided both in terms of stress to the DC and cost if we had moved ahead of secondary. (To add that I appreciate that we have this option though and that other people can’t afford it at all)

You might never get to see your child but that’s ok because at least you will keep them out of the state school system !!!

If there's autism in your family you're facing a totally unpredictable journey. My kids and my nephew/niece are all autistic. All scored hugely above average on their HV tests. The were early movers, all ahead with vocabulary, advanced with number and shape recognition, one spoke two languages fluently from an early age.

But... all have struggled hugely from mid primary age onwards. They have needed support from all sorts of school based services like educational psychology, autism teachers etc. These come via the council and I'm not aware of them being available to normal (not SEN) private schools. Also many autistic kids thrive on highly adapted curriculum tailored to their interests. From what I've heard private schools aren't willing to support that level of need.

I concur with private school for the earlier years. We were luckily in an area with a good Grammar school so DC privately educated until secondary level

Very few prep schools offer scholarships, which are mainly given out at secondary school level. Starting private school is a risky choice if you can’t afford to stick with it, because it’s difficult changing systems (one of my children had to do this due to lack of funds - she did most of her schooling in the state system and is now at a RG university so it did her no damage in the long run but in year 10 she was doing maths she’d done in year 7 at private school, so she felt she was treading water for a long time).

In your position I’d move to a grammar school area and put your money into extra tuition to help her pass 11+.

I think - and I was guilty of this too, so it comes from no judgement- that it is easy to label a child as ‘unusually gifted’ rather than ‘unusual’. By applying the ‘gifted’ label, it is possible to overlook the ‘lower’ parts of their profile, the areas that they find unusually hard or are simply less ‘ahead’ in. In thinking about education, it’s probably as important to think about ‘how to develop those other areas - that might be unusually low’ rather than just ‘how to develop the already high areas’.

It is also important to remember that a child may well initially be ‘ahead’ in the areas that you attach importance and time to, and so you need to be alert to areas - both of giftedness and deficit - that you may not have yourself or attach less importance to. Children of musicians often show musical aptitude early - through exposure and what a parent is willing to expend much time on - but nay not go on to be musicians themselves. DD, for example, is unusually able in two areas that I myself have no aptitude for, discovered only through my determination to find as wide a range of extra curricular activities as possible. DS initially appeared unusually able in areas that I naively focused on and had lots of time for, but in the end had both deficits and very high ability in areas that I didn’t initially ‘see’.

Wouldn't bother, most private schools aren't great value for money if there are good enrichment options in the area.

I think you're London based so if you're thinking music, look at Junior Guildhall/Kindermusic from a young age, state school and supplement with music lessons, cultural stuff.

The one thing private schools tend to do "better" than state is adding extra curriculars in one place limiting the "parent taxi" phase which is hard if working full time with limited support, but again, London transport options probably limits that at late primary age.

I'd aim for selective secondary and throw the potential year at private school money at tutors, sports and music - the Junior Conservatoire stuff isn't cheap!!!