To consider private school

If you’ve got an inkling re the possibility of neurodivergence, you should also think about saving for private testing. My county has actually closed the waiting list for assessments which must be illegal in some way but it is what it is. I’ve got friends paying £2k for private assessments for adhd as they’re at their wits end with no support. Even a bog standard dyslexia assessment is £500. Throw in some tutoring at £60 a pop and a fair old chunk of money is gone.

Just wanted to mention a few things which should help you with your decision making

• Bursaries are disappearing from the private sector these days thanks to the VAT implementation (and several schools picking up a lot of the costs themselves and not passing them on fully to parents). Make your decisions based on no bursary/no scholarships in the future.

• Would your DC manage okay if you moved them from private to state in Y3 or later? Most DC will struggle to adapt (though there are exceptions). I turned down a grammar place for DC because they wouldn't survive in larger/busier classes after 8 years of private schooling. Some of their classmates did move to grammar though, but even they took a long time to adapt.

• Do not assume that private schooling will automatically stretch your child's abilities - it really depends on the teachers and is luck of the draw. You may be better off in the state sector than in a non-selective school (especially those who ask for the names to be placed on the waiting list at age 1/2 without knowing anything about a child's ability). If you have a selective school nearby, maybe apply there at 4+ or 7+. Bursaries used to be available at 7+ in some London schools but it looks like they have scrapped them this year.

Those kids are a tiny and ever decreasing minority. With the way things are going, I would be surprised if there are any bursaries left by the time your child is applying for secondary. I’m in zone 1 and the private prep schools here have zero diversity in terms of wealth. There are absolutely no bursaries. For private secondaries you’d be lucky to get a 10% music or sporting scholarship and that’s it.

Sorry OP do you really think they create individual curriculums for each child in the class? This is again an example of some expectation of private school that just isn’t realistic. I’ve been to both. They are basically the same.

I haven't read all the replies but this one stood out to me.

I have two kids in state schools in what is called a 'mixed catchment' so lots of children facing a lot of challenges. Almost to a person, anyone who was only considering private for some of the time has focussed on secondary school. I would say the experience at secondary school in my daughter's school versus her friends at primary school is so different it's hard to see the similarities. My daughter is dealing with violence and disruption and all sorts of chaos - and they only stream for maths in S1 so even if you equate streaming with better behaviour it only matters 4 times a week. The rest of the time there are all sorts of things going on, and even more going on in the hallways and outside of the school.

I personally am a huge proponent of state education and have no intention of doing anything differently, but if I was going to do one or the other I would absolutely focus on secondary school as so much of primary school is about learning to sit, line up, get organised, play nicely, etc. It's also hugely helpful to have friends in the neighbourhood and feel connected to where you live. By secondary school they can take themselves to school and to their friends houses so the world opens up for them.

It’s the behaviour in secondary I’d be worried about, not so much primary.

Moving house to get into good schools AFTER the reception intake is a very risky idea. There might never be a place! You’d need to apply for reception so he moved 6 months before applications to have the best chance. Where I live ( and my kids go to school) there is over 100 kids on the waiting list for each year, people buy houses here just to get in but now they say don’t do that because it’s unlikely you’ll be able to start!

I am at work so haven't had time to read the whole thread. I had a very advanced child - reading before school, huge vocabulary at a very early age, precocious ability with numbers etc. DH and I both went to private school all the way through and I panicked about him going to state - but my parents said not to get on the fees train if we didn't need to, and we have four children, so the costs were eye-watering.

At 7, on a whim, I put him in for a scholarship for a prestigious local prep and he won their top scholarship - the head told me I "have a duty to send us your son so he can be stretched and challenged". After a LOT of agonising, we decided that if he was that bright, he'd be ok in state and turned it down. We stuck with the local primary and he then went to state secondary (albeit a grammar school) and he is now at Cambridge. We used the money we would have spent on fees on extra enrichment stuff - chess clubs, maths challenges, museum trips, school trips etc to keep him entertained and occupied - I don't regret not paying for his education, but we are VERY lucky that our local schools are very good - whether comprehensive or state grammars, and people move into the town specifically for them.

At 13 months your child is still very little, although I do think that you 'know' if they are bright (DS' year 1 teacher told me he'd go to Oxbridge....!) but I think that if they are that bright, and they have the right support at home, that they will succeed without private education - it has become SO expensive now, that I think that unless I had a child who needed specialist sports or music tuition, that it wouldn't be worth the sacrifices - but I do accept that we are very lucky with our local schools.

On flexibility with curriculum - try to find a school that has a ‘support for learning’ department that takes children of high ability as well as those with more difficulty.

In the junior part of a ( very academic) private school I’m familiar with, kids with dyslexia etc leave the classroom for special sessions every day with support for learning - they are accompanied to that department by many gifted children who require more challenging work. This way , there is no ‘stigma’ for anyone as it’s completely normal for kids to stream out for appropriate work from appropriate specialist teachers. It’s good to see children being met at their level and all thriving.

@DownWhichOfLate … Before kids I worked for The European Commission. These days I find my purse in the fridge.

Hi, Op. can I ask what area of London you're in (sorry if I missed this).

Be wary of going off what people say in the media. A family member has a child in a school nice area, school catchment is generally middle class and facilities are very good. They’ve had a few instances of other children being really unkind without it being dealt with well by school. The work he is doing seems at a good level. My children go
to a school in a less desirable area but name calling or anything else is called out, high expectations for all and they’ve had some wonderful experiences. Don’t label them ‘bad’ if you really have no idea of what they’re like.

@Dideon - mine are young and I’m in the thick of it - don’t say that! 😲😂

They are grown now but you never quite get back to your former glory !

This is exactly what happened to us.
We moved and DC1 started Y2 at a new school.
We relocated to a lovely area - the 5 closest schools were all full in his year group. We were allocated the worst school in the borough. He stayed there for just over a year, we were thinking of moving him to private but a space opened up in a fab local primary.

My advice would be to have a look at local ASN groups. There's often good ones on Facebook. Certain nurseries/schools will be much better at helping children with autism, and it won't necessarily be the 'best' or more popular ones.

In my area for example there is a top of the league High School that is absolutely appalling for kids with any sort of additional needs. In effect they are pushed out so that the school maintains its place in the league tables.

Small schools and small class sizes can be helpful in terms of sensory needs, but larger schools sometimes have more specific ASN resources/staff/training etc.

This, exactly.

Private schools are more likely to manage out a child who doesn’t fit the mould or requires extra resources. The most academically successful ones choose the children that will get the best results with the least effort on their part.

You say this thread is nothing to do with your DD’s ability/potential but then if so, why go into her shape recognition etc etc.

If the fact is that the local state schools to you are bad schools, then you’d presumably be considering private for your DD even if she was decidedly below average at this point (and in fact she’d be more likely to benefit from it if that were the case).

In which case use the money differently. Don't pay for 2 years of private primary. Use it for outside clubs and activities and if you get even a tiny whiff of neuro divergence use it for expert assessment and intervention from private provision (outside school). Many state primary schools won't pick up or push for this for children who are doing academically ok. They are educational experts not experts in mental health or developmental disorders. Private schools might be more likely to alert you (many don't) but any assessments (ed psychs etc) you'd have to pay for in addition and often you pay extra for specialist support too.
If you can save/plan to move to an area with good state provision it's your best long term plan. If DD is bright she'll get the building blocks any where at primary age.... Then a decent well regarded secondary school will be fine.

@Dideon - that’ll be the children! 😂

Ha ha you are correct. I’ve seen my brain drain over the last twenty years.

@Dideon - your education didn’t cover correct use of reflexive pronouns though!

Also op - there isn't really anything to do differently with a child who's more capable academically. The same things generally benefit all children developmentally. I think you are looking for people to tell you your child needs something special to maximise their potential...every child does.

If anything its easier with an academically able child, they have a thirst for learning that often means they'll thrive anywhere. I'd say private education delivers a far higher return with modestly able DC who can be coaxed to achieve higher.