To consider private school

Hmme..so both DC went to a state nursery (not attached to the primary they eventually went to)..I looked at a nursery attached to a private primary (they wouldn't have gone to the private primary btw, but nursery fees were comparable).
Dc1 has ended up with a ND diagnosis and has geranal ability in the 99th centile (so in general terms very bright but the ND trickyness makes things harder). Even back then I knew that learning through play, learning reciprocal play and learning how to share/manage frustrations with peers was far far more important than the 'structure' and challenge of a 'curriculum'. The academics were a given...DC was bright, but the challenge was all the other stuff. The private nursery was overly focused on the development of knowledge and skills related to prepping for academic success which at that age is the wrong focus for all kids and for bright potentially ND kids is really missing the point.

The 15 hours still only applies 39 weeks of the year so if a DC goes 48 weeks a year it will average to about 12 hours "funded" (unlikely to be actually free, the nursery always has to find ways to make the books balance and what they get from the government for the 15 hrs is a lot less than what it costs to provide the service)

It is very much dependent on the nursery- our private school nursery, for example, is open all year round, not just term time

I don't completely understand what you mean by 'private nurseries'. It's not as though there's such a thing as a state catchment nursery like a state catchment primary school. Aren't most nurseries private in the sense that they charge high fees (and may offer 'free 30 hours to older children, which are not normally free or 30 hours). If you mean a nursery which is attached to a private school, as opposed to a normal (but still private) day nursery, I'm not sure that they would be any different really. The main reason people want to get their children into a nursery attached to a private school tends to be in order to get them into the private prep, in order to make sure they have a better chance of getting into the private senior school, rather than because that nursery is itself 'academically stretching'.

My older child was 'advanced' - reading chapter books before she started school. She went to a normal day nursery (which was 'private' in the sense of belonging to one of the big nursery chains and costing us a lot of money, though affiliated to DH workplace) and was totally fine and not at all bored. She would sit there and read the books when she fancied it, but spent most of her time very busy with the usual nursery activities and games. In early years, children follow their interests and even the most academically minded still have a lot to be challenged by in social and emotional development. The same is true in the early years of primary school - DD started expressing boredom at school in the second part of primary because the curriculum becomes more academically focused and less free-form (but academically focuses on the kids in the middle, and so becomes repetitive for those who pick things up right away).

When she is school age, if she is bright, stretch her at home. For example, support her to learn an instrument (this is really good for children who are not challenged at school, as however good they are they will have to experience things not being easy and learn resilience). Get her magazines on her particular interests, encourage her to read widely, teach her chess or a new language. And if you think she is ND, discuss this with nursery and school early so she can get support in place.

But for the moment she is tiny - by all means think about getting yourself in a good catchment for the future, but the next few years it really doesn't matter where she goes to nursery as long as the nursery is well run and loving.

The National Curriculum for Primary (state) is set, but can be delivered rigidly (same topics every year, standardised materials) or highly flexibly.

Now Ofsted’s focus is on the curriculum delivered by a school, those schools feeling they have the freedom to be flexible (in Y1-6) are less common than they were. But the very 2 years OP wants her child out of the state system for - Pre-school and Reception - remain extremely flexible and child-led ime.

The rigidity is built for getting kids to pass their a level exams which is nationally set. However there is flexibility in that system and additional opportunities both at private and state.

If you don’t need long hours childcare, you could look for a committee-run pre-school setting if there is one nearish to you. They are specialist, non-school based and often very child-focused - as well as very much cheaper than day nursery or private schools based pre-school class.

Also wanted to make a point on costs that you have not responded to:

• Normal day nurseries are open almost all year round, usually very early to very late.
• Private school nursery classes are open term time only (so up to 16 weeks of holiday per year) and are often only open 9-3.

Obviously this is not a problem if ypu have no need for childcare. However, if you are going to work, then you need to factor in holiday childcare and wrap-around care into your overall cost calculation.

If you ask a good state pre-school or Reception classes teacher the same questions, you again may be surprised how forthcoming they are about the flexibility of their provision.

I would echo PPs in that Prep / Private school pre-schools and Reception classes tend to follow a more, rather than less, rigid curriculum than their state counterparts. Because what many parents are buying is a ‘more academic’ ‘more recognisably school-like’ experience, many private school Early Years provision is in fact extremely rigid, static, highly teacher directed and inflexible.

State Early Years provision, on the other hand, both in pre-school and school settings, is much more likely to be open-ended, hands-on, child-focused and dictated by children’s interests - learning through facilitated play.

If you want a flexible curriculum that will follow your child’s interests, quiz your target private schools VERY carefully and ask eg whether they did this topic last year; how have they adapted it for this year’s class; can they give a recent example of a topic chosen to match a specific pupil’s interest. You may be surprised that, despite the smaller classes with a narrower spread of ability, this enables the schools to further standardise the curriculum not tailor it.

Sadly not my experience of Prep school. You are not buying a tailor-made learning plan for your child....Same curriculum year in, year out. Interested in Dinosaurs? Excellent, but you'll need to do that in your own time because Y2 is The Greeks. Life cycle of frogs? Great, but again do that in your own time because we're doing the Moon Phases. Prior year lesson plans are dragged out and dusted off. And so on. It is infuriating and you will be labelled as 'that parent' if you challenge this I'm afraid...

Right yes, I should have said all mainstream private schools follow the curriculum.

If OP wants to pursue alternative education for her child she hasn’t mentioned it yet. She’s been talking about academically selective private schools, which those certainly are not.

That's not quite true. There are plenty of alternative private schools that do not do that. Here are a few I know of

https://www.educaresmallschool.org.uk/

https://www.lumiar.co.uk/

thelondonacornschool.co.uk/

OP you are way jumping the gun. Every parent think their child is going to be the next Einstein. With my son, he was typically developing until he regressed, then his first words were numbers, shapes and letters. Look up hyperlexia, most commonly this is a sign of ND. He could say rhombus before he could ask for a snack. He cannot follow the routines of the school day and needs an EHCP, but on paper he’s a genius because he can do academic things that 5-7 are only just learning.

On the private school thing it’s really up to you, often the class sizes are smaller, which I think benefit most children, and look at the approach, whether it’s Montessori or another pedagogical approach that aligns with how you think your child will benefit from educationally. Get the vibe from the teachers as to whether they actually teachers or nursery practitioners. Early years teachers working in the private sector will usually have the child’s wellbeing and development at the heart of early years education, rather than focussing purely on academic potential.

Also, your child will categorically not be ‘bored’. Your attitude on that side of things is at risk of being projected on her though and making her think that she’s bored if you let it. Early years is all learning through play which is so important for the vast majority of children, even my son benefits from this even though his play is not always typical.

I think you need to wait and see tbh. By the time your child is 4 they may be very different. A friend's child was hugely advanced with writing and recognizing words and letters (but not speech) and is now in a special school with significant needs not obvious until they were 2.5-3.

Given the likelihood of ND I would say smaller classes, a good understanding of SEN and a nurturing environment would be top of my list.

This won't always be found at a private school and won't always go hand in hand with stretching a child academically / letting them follow their interests.

You may want to look at alternative style schooling.

I dislike rigid curriculums for that very reason. Of course schools need to cover the basics but outside of that I think it's so important to let children explore special interests

All schools follow the curriculum, private and state. Where there is more space in the private school timetable this is used for things like extra sport and music (again, timetabled or you might say rigid), not doing projects on Ancient Greece.

The only thing I would add is that the state of the primary schools in my catchment area are really pushing me to consider private for those early years

Where do you live OP? For reference I live in one of the most deprived boroughs in London and literally every primary school is at least good if not outstanding. London is incredibly well-served by good and excellent primaries (very different story at secondary) so I’m sorry but I just find your repeated insistence that your only options are sink schools very hard to believe. The birth rate has been dropping year on year so there will increasingly be spaces at primaries including ones that you may think you are out of catchment for (and nb there aren’t really catchments in London - you can apply anywhere with places allocated on distance).

OK given your situation, the only other thing I would consider is if there's a fairly local Roman Catholic / C of E primary school where admission criteria is based on church attendance.

You'll need to double & triple check the admissions criteria and how places were allocated in previous years to know whether you stand a chance.

If you like the look of them I would consider attending church for the next few years. I know this is morally a grey area, however, there will always be 'non-believers' that do this to get their DC into a better school

No need to apologise.

Where autism is a possible factor it's important to make the distinction. Autistic children usually love learning, but the things they want to learn aren't necessarily what schools value.

Thinking of the autistic children in the groups I attend there's kids who know everything in the world about dinosaurs or space or horses or Lego. Lots of passion and enthusiasm and knowledge for learning. But not things that schools tend to value or tap into.

Being intelligent and being academic are two very different things. I have intelligent children that just don't cope with the way school is structured. I'm very lucky that my oldest is on a bespoke interest-led (mainstream) curriculum now, but that took a huge amount of effort and total autistic burnout before it was in place.