I don’t want her in my house

I'd tell her when she can pop round not let the kids do that. Wtf.

Why not just tell her? A nice note saying how difficult the move was, how stressful and how upside down you are just now and you're not feeling confident about having guests just yet?

And ask if she'd be ok to give you time to get sorted and civilised ready to welcome visitors? She might well understand (even offer some help).

This but...

Explain to children that one or two rooms are strictly off limits - particularly your bedroom.

Or put chests of drawers across rooms you want off limits - 'you've just caught me moving things round'

In a way I think it’s better she comes in now rather than when you’re all straight,( I take it she wouldn’t have occasion to come in a second time? ) It’s not so intimate somehow. Certainly no need for her to be seeing your room whatever state it’s in
DH’d ex used to nose in the window at our house while we were doing it up and bought almost an identical wallpaper for her sitting room.

YANBU OP

She doesn’t. OP thinks her kids will want to show their mum their bedrooms. There’s no suggestion she even wants to do that.

See this as the before and look forward to showing her the after, the lovely hole you have created for her children x

Could you just close the doors to your kids' room(s) and your own bedroom, making it clear that they are not to be part of the "tour"? I'm sure if you hovered on the landing you could stop them entering by saying something like "No need to see our room, just show your Mum your room."

Her child doesn’t sleep at the ex’s house. Her child isn’t excited to show her the new bedroom. It’s not about the ex. It’s about the children.

The whole place is a tip who cares honestly I’d just suck it up for the kids it’s massively beneficial for them to see everyone getting along and then not having to watch what they say

just say your welcome to look but it’s carnage

@Spirallingdownwards Lord knows. We didn't bump into her and her boyfriend once, as it happens.

She booked herself into the 5 star sister hotel of our 4 star - they shared facilities. However, we visited the 5 star only once and decided that we didn't particularly like it.

She had told everyone that she was going on holiday to get away from the wedding. She arrived in the resort 3 days before us, I believe.

Weird woman. Had her fling and then 2 yrs after DH had been living in his own place and was all settled, offered him the opportunity to "come home". (By then, the old family home was in her name.) I don't know whether she ever told her boyfriend.

I would ask her to wait. I don't want someone seeing my lovely new house in a mess. I want to show it off at its best.

Oh dear! What was she thinking?!

My husband's ex tried to gatecrash our honeymoon, I kid you not.

I wouldn’t let my DP’s ex have a tour around my house, half unpacked or not. I have quite enough things I have to suck up and compromise on and sacrifice as a SM, and DP’s ex already indirectly commandeers enough of my life. I would draw the line at this. She doesn’t need to see it. I’ve never had a tour of XH’s house and if my DC asked I’d make an excuse.

Making the decisions that are right for you is more important .

You would be a right weirdo to want to see where your ex shags his new wife.

What does your DP want? It’s his house too. I know you don’t really know her but she’s the mother of his children so she’s part of his family.

My dad came to look round my mums new house because I was excited to show him we had a serving hatch from the kitchen to the dining room, the ice machine on the fridge, and my lava lamp. I doubt she will actually want to snoop in your room, unless she’s a nutter.

So this isn’t the utterly I’m guessing your DH is still a thoughtless selfish twat @ilovesushi

unless you have since seen the light…

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. You’re exhausted after a stressful move. You’ll get it sorted soon but the last thing you need is an ex making snide comments about your new home.

I get how you feel. A week after we moved into our current house, my MIL had relatives from Ireland over and she invited the whole lot of them over to ours for the day. DH agreed to it and couldn't see any issues. Pretty much the day we moved in the boiler bust and flooded the garage and we were without hot water for about a week and had no water at all for a short time. I told him to cancel them. He didn't, they came. I was wrangling a baby and a two year old, a house in chaos, two cats, boxes everywhere and the largest pile of washing up because of the no/ cold water issue. I couldn't even make them tea. At the time my ILs weren't local so it wasn't like they were just popping over. They stayed for the whole day. I just wanted to weep.

I mean, fair enough. But the ex in this case hasn't even said or done anything at all. The OP just thinks the children will insist on bringing her in.

From the information we have, it's just as likely that the the reason is that the OP is a terrible person as that the ex is a terrible person.

Probably, neither of them are.

How old are they? Surely it’s just a “no, not today kids” and then you have them and their bags ready in the hallway when she pulls up?