To be angry that my DM rents???

YABU - you’re only annoyed because you won’t get anything. No concern for the fact that your mother is renting which puts her in a much more precarious financial position. You own your house, so you have an asset. Yes things are hard and it feels unfair when you do everything “right” and struggle but a dose of perspective needed.

Are you for real? I've told my parents that it's their money and if they want to blow it on an around the world trip then I hope that they have fun. I'd sooner be left with some happy memories than a sack of cash.

Really tonedeaf! I was going to talk about my dad. I felt dishonest not disclosing facts about my mum who died a long time so I wrote that down as well. My point with the post was that I understand how OP can find it unfair that some are given huge sums of money while others have nothing.

I hope your Mum has loads of cash stashed and she leaves it to a donkey sanctuary.

You sound like an entitled brat. I won’t receive a penny in inheritance. I’m a single parent and my kids won’t receive anything from their father (owns 3 houses but won’t leave them a penny). I can’t afford to buy so I rent so my kids won’t get a cash handout either. So we do what most other people do. We budget and we work and hopefully maybe the next generation will have it a little easier. Count your blessings not your curses.

Inheritance is a gift, not a right. Make your own way. 🤷‍♀️

Ah op I get it- I’m in the same position and it’s hard not to let it get to you. I too had a very neglectful childhood and a difficult time mothering as have a disable ds.
its hard not to feel that life is unfair. My advice it to acknowledge the feeling and move it on unpacking there. It’s not helpful or healthy
I hope life gets easier for you

So you're angry that your 76 year old mum doesn't own her house so you won't get an inheritance rather than your 76 year old mum rents her house and will probably struggle to pay for food,heating, rent and other basic utilities on her probably pittance of a pension? Jesus christ, I'm glad you aren't my child.

Exactly this. I’m from such a country where people would trade with you in a heartbeat.

why haven’t you turned it around for your own kids? I’m sorry you had a bad childhood but so did many. It is really only your responsibility to make sure your kids are ok, not anyone else’s.

It might reduce financial stress but you wouldn’t be any happier for it. You are fixating on (the lack of) an inheritance as if it is some kind of magic pill that will solve a significant part of your problems when in fact it will deal with one thing but leave other problems unresolved.

The issue isn’t the inheritance. The issue is you are unhappy with your life and you jealous and angry at other people who you think are more fortunate than you (even though you have no idea what else is going on in their lives).

This is totally understandable but my experience is that people who are angry because they don’t have X (more money, a successful partner, a good job, whatever) get the thing they are hankering after and still feel miserable because the underlying problem causing the unhappiness in the first place is still there.

My mum felt the same, my Grandma lived in her council house for about 60 years, and had various opportunities to buy at as little as 20k - my mum and her siblings offered to each give her 5k to buy it. But she was determined "when I die I want this house to go to a family who really need it, just like we were given it when you all were young, council housing is for public benefit not private profit". To be fair, my mum wanted her to have it for security rather than so she could inherit it, and even if she had bought it, it would have likely all gone on my grandma's care home fees, so there wouldn't have been much to inherit anyway.

I feel the same. My mum had a housing association house and could have bought it at a discounted price but didn't so I inherited nothing but her tatt when she died.

Probably not, it will likely go on care home fees as my Dad has early stage dementia. And that's fine, he has worked hard all his life, worked his way up from nothing, inherited nothing, and did very well for himself, so hopefully his million pound house will pay for the very best care for him.

Life isn’t fair, and your first mistake is expecting it to be. Judgement as to who deserves what is irrelevant - ‘deserve’ doesn’t come into it any more than fairness does. There’s no answer to the question of ‘why?’ that you’ll find satisfactory, simply because there’s no answer to that question. It is what it is.

If you want to improve your circumstances then look at what is within your ability to control and change, rather than obsessing and becoming increasingly bitter over that which you can’t.

My mother owns a large and expensive home. Which she is planning to leave to her husband, with whom I have no relationship. He'll probably leave it the the native plant society he's involved with, to sell to raise funds.

And that's FINE. It's hers, and she can do what she wants with it.

I get it OP. We all know life isn’t fair but sometimes it slaps you across the face with a wet fish and it damn well hurts! Your friend with the £700,000 inheritance is remarkably insensitive unless you’re giving off the impression of rolling in it.

The thing with bitterness though is that it only hurts you and those you care about. It damages relationships and friends slowly distance themselves as you become more difficult and negative to be around. Bitterness sucks the joy out of life.

There’s no quick fix to this. Struggling financially for a long time is horrible, relentless and draining. Lots of people have been poor at some point in their lives but unless you’ve lived it long term people don’t really understand how it leaves scars. I’m sure you’ve already thought about working additional hours, retraining, etc. if you’ve already exhausted those options, it’s just a case of trying to hang on in there. Eventually the kids cost less, the mortgage reduces or gets paid off, things look rosier.

In the meantime, there are little things you can do to try to fight the bitterness which sound corny as hell but honestly they help. Going for a walk every day. Sitting in a park and listening to the birds. Taking enjoyment from the little things, like a perfect cup of tea. Starting and finishing each day by counting the things you are grateful for.

You’re not going to magically receive an inheritance but I hope you feel better soon.

You will always be miserable if you compare ‘upwards’. Life is a lot easier to deal with if you focus on how lucky you are. My Gran rented all her life and my aunt inherited nothing much, but my Gran counted herself lucky because she had a nice home she could afford. I felt very sorry for myself after my first mc - until I heard about a young woman who had had a still born at term. I told myself never to feel sorry for myself because of a mc when I already had a child.

Focus on what you have got, not what you haven’t. And remember that many who are ‘counting’ on inheriting property will get a nasty shock when the local authority takes almost all of it.

@arcticpandas

"If it will make you feel better OP I got 50 k after my mum but after my dad I will only gets empty beer cans. "

I don't see how you inheriting £50,000 is going to make the OP feel better! Sorry if I've misunderstood your post.

Your friend is pretty tactless if he knows about your difficult financial situation.
This article talks about the divide between people who will inherit from their parents and those who won't:

https://www.theguardian.com/money/2022/dec/03/why-inheritance-is-the-dirty-secret-of-the-middle-classes-harder-to-talk-about-than-sex

These people are the ones who are given house deposits to get on the housing ladder and financial help throughout their lives.

My mum’s care home is £1900 per week. She has been there since July 2023 and is in great physical condition but has dementia. She could go on for years. Who knows if there will be anything left. I don’t care. I stand on my own 2 feet.

You have to focus your energy on sorting out your finances. Can you downsize? Move house? Change your job? Take on a lodger? Re-train?

My DC inherited the house of their deceased father. Both were minors when he suddenly passed away, one is still a minor atm. They much rather have him back instead of ‘enjoying’ the inheritance. They would say life is unfair because of their (early) loss.

My parents own a house but they both have some illnesses which will most likely mean they end up in a care home and the house will pay for that. I do not feel any resentment towards them for this.

I hope with your attitude you don’t have any kids. Why would you bother with nothing to pass onto them?

For now, I dunno, work harder?

Not if it has to be sold to fund care.

Some are being hard on OP here. She just had a rant. Ofcourse it's not fair that some get handed millions on a plate while having done nothing to deserve it. If it will make you feel better OP I got 50 k after my mum but after my dad I will only gets empty beer cans. He even jokes about it: "when I'm gone you can fight with your siblings for the empty beer cans". He's not drinking much so even that we won't really have to fight over 😄