Husbands messages to a friend

if a friends husband messaged me like this I would not reply and be angst ridden about telling her
certainly would never go for a drink with him

they either have done something or are on the verge of it

Oh and OP keep your powder dry. Don’t tell him you want a divorce until you have;

Spoken to a lawyer
Got all the details of all the marital assets
Got all your important documents together.
Have an overnight bag packed and somewhere you can go in a hurry - you haven’t said much about him but my guess would be that his bruised ego when you finish it could induce rage. Probably not but better to have planned ahead.

Wishing you strength and peace.

20 years of marriage means that he is at least 36. Yet reading those messages I assumed it was written by someone in their late teens or early twenties.

Good god that language is enough to give me the ick.

You absolutely deserve better than this. Being alone for the rest of your life would be better than that!!

Well done OP. Get yourself the best lawyer you can afford. He deserves a hammering.

You will have a tough year or two ahead but you will come through it stronger and wiser. I don’t care what else either of you have or haven’t done, what your history is, that message about ‘your call’ and the flirting is 💯 unacceptable. Without doubt. Don’t let him gaslight you.

Check out Dr Ramani on you tube. He may have a narcissistic personality style, in which case getting to fully understand that pattern of interaction will help you navigate the process ahead. Honestly.

YANBU. I don't understand why the friend didn't shut him down immediately and then tell you what had happened! It was vile to have to read this - I can't imagine how it just have made you feel. I'm single and plenty of my friends are married or in relationships. I would never "banter" with them (or any husbands) like that, it shows complete disrespect.

Calling her beautiful, saying ‘yum’, and basically it’s her call whenever she wants him is a dumping offence. Sorry Op

Glad to read you are divorcing that sleazy piece of shit.

Any friends/family ask why, give the screen shot as the final straw.

It will shame them both and will need zero futher explanation.

You will be fine. That was not a friend and I certainly wouldn't be covering for either of them.

Exactly
The exchange is vomit inducing .

It's obviously not just one instance though. They are both too comfortable for it to be the first time.

The "You is" itself is imho valid reason or breakup 🙈 tbh I wouldn't even date someone with that writing

That was grim reading . I actually cringed
Your ‘d’h wants to pursue a relationship . She is not interested but enjoys the ‘flirting’
Your husband is a creep and a total embarrassment .
Unforgivable

Agreed. I couldn’t respect any man who spoke like that either. I got the vicarious ick just reading the messages

Friend - Don't get too excited only ickle pikey me lol. Will be good night looking forward
to seeing yas all x
Husband - You is all any man needs. Yum. X

The inanity and the 'baby talk' are grounds alone for dumping, let alone any possible infidelity.

I would dump someone like this in a heartbeat. And have done. Found out my then DP was messaging a girl from work. We’d been together for 7 years and had children together. It was non negotiable for me. He had hooked our tv up to the PC we were using and left the screen open on his fb messages and fallen asleep. All messages there in all their 42” glory.
I packed his stuff and told him to leave. So yes, most of us saying “dump him” mean it. There are more women than you’d think out there unwilling to settle for this shit.

It's not one instance.
It's a string of messages.
That's one instance each and every time he took out his phone and chose to send a message.
What I wonder about is why people are so keen for women to meekly accept shitty behaviour from men.

I wonder if the people who are saying you should dump him, would do the same. After just one instance like this. Dump him, as if this just dating and not a whole marriage. I just wonder at times, the people who say dump him to an incident like this, are they just sitting behind a keyboard, drinking their nice hot chocolate and typing away, while waiting for the next interesting thread or would they actually file for divorce, like it's that simple. Poof. Gone..

By the way, I don't know what is the dynamic of your relationship OP but your husband is being a asshole at that moment and he was so wrong for doing that. Good luck.

After 20 years of marriage? So these people aren’t young adults? Yeah. I’d be out like a shot. Neither of them have any respect for you. And on top of that the language they use is beyond cringe. I find it hard to believe that anyone over 15 actually speaks like this.

If my friends husband messaged me like this, I’d have shut it down right away, not acted coy and flirty back.

Actually, if a grown man messaged me like this I’d probably vomit in my own mouth because it reads as though someone without a brain cell in their head wrote it.

Well done on being so strong and taking absolutely no more shit from him, or continuing a friendship with someone like her.

I wish you the very best for the future

He is fishing and brazenly flirting in my opinion. A huge step and red flag with bells on over my line of acceptability. You deserve better

I have to say that's one of the most nauseating text exchanges I have ever read.

Excellent idea to divorce him and distance from the friend. Besides anything else they both sound beyond stupid and to be honest if human evolution has got us to the point where technology enables exchanges like that then honestly what is the point?!

He wants an affair with her. Stay strong op.

I'd divorce them both for all the 'X'ing alone.

Mindless pair.

A brave and wise decision. Well done. Wishing you all the very best.

Just read update - sorry it ended although right decesion.

Yes. The dialogue from both of them is cringey and inappropriate - over familiar.,

You have behaved with superhuman grace and dignity. Totally agree not engage with her or tell her why, just drop her. And yes the H had to go. I put up with similar in ky marriage -was dismissed as banter but but at least was not with a ‘friend’.
No/ one with a gram of decency would engage a friends husband like that. I have been hit on by husbands and just completely refuse to respond!