To think there are too many useless men / manchild's!

When i was with my ex. He did nothing at all . He would come un from work and just sit there. He ne etc moved from that seat . Just waiting for his dinner . If I was lucky he would take his plate in the kitchen. No scrapping it no putting it on the dishwasher. He saw it he worked i did not. He's never understood my days don't end at 5pm for a long time I was sleeping for 3 hours a night it was awful.

He made me feel extremely worthless like I was below him. He would buy me nice things say he loves me etc. He seemed to think that's his bit done .

Soon as we were in bed he wanted sex felt like a machine.

When i was struggling with both kids I asked him to help . His mum piped up he's got a 3hrs fucking drive . Another time he had a cold and his mum said simlar because he had a cold.

The kids are 8 and 9 now so it's a long time ago. But its stayed with me because of how worthless he made me feel . I felt a massive weight lift when we split for good.

He's now a Disney dad.

To be fair, that’s all some women want them for.

I don’t really care about Mother’s Day. If I did want something special for Mother’s Day I would tell my partner rather than make them jump through hoops trying to guess.

Too many men think that their responsibilities stop after providing sperm.

Op doesn’t call him husband and also says she’s single

I don’t think men are good at everything - good providers, good lovers, good dads, good looking, domesticated, faithful etc you will be hard pushed to find the perfect one - I went with good provider and good dad and faithful and over the years have tried to mould him to the rest a challenge at times but after 50 years we are doing ok

I wouldn’t see a Mother’s Day thing as a sign of a good man. You shouldn’t need Mother’s Day. Mothers shouldn’t be taking the brunt of child care and home duties such that they need to be rewarded. That’s what birthdays are for.

And this is so, so true.

My DH is extremely capable, is a great cook and kept a very tight ship before we had children. Like others, he also got used to me doing everything through maternity/Covid (they coincided and I didn’t go back to work for some time). Everything house related is a battle now. I don’t know what happens to them. I would never have married a man child.

I've long believed it's not so much laziness as it is that, in general, men and women have different standards. Men will clean when they think it's necessary, but their standards of when cleaning is necessary and how clean "clean" is is different to a woman's. Women tend to do the bulk of the cleaning because the mess reaches a level they can't tolerate much sooner than it would for a man. Women want cleaning to be proactive, to prevent mess, and men are happy to wait for the mess to appear before dealing with it... to a degree... eventually.

A woman sees a room as being 20% dirty, a man sees it as being 80% clean. They might be in agreement as to the level of mess, but their view of whether it is acceptable or not is completely different.

This.

My husband is a fab partner and my best friend.
There are no issues between us so I don’t need to post about him.

Of course threads here are all written by people with problems/ concerns.

Husband?

Not “ex-husband”?

While some women shut their eyes tightly to red flags or believe marriage / kids will change a man - there are men who play the long game. My friend (now divorced) had a completely balanced and egalitarian household and a relationship where each was constantly making an effort….

till the ring was on her finger and their first son arrived. Then he stopped. During maternity leave she did a lot more of the domestic labour and childcare and he decided he wanted it to remain like that for the future. So she divorced him.

I have 2 boys and divorced their dad cos he was useless. And no he wasn’t like that before we had children. I’m working very hard to teach the boys to be equal partners. But it’s going to take some time. I think my generation (I’m 38) were still mostly taught that women did all the childrearing and housework. I remember my English teacher in secondary school saying that “all you girls will probably be housewives like your mothers”.

Why is criticising a certain form of behaviour “man bashing”.

But do your boys just accept it or insist on pulling their weight?

It’s an epidemic. I don’t even know if it’s necessarily about raising them a certain way. So many of them just want to do the bare minimum possible and see their wives and girlfriends as bangmaids and therapists.

It’s sad. To those with a good one - hold on to him!

Mine doesn’t want anything on Father’s Day, his birthday, Christmas etc.

He therefore thinks that I don’t too!

My OH is lovely but reminds me of a sloth. Very easy going and pretty unflappable but he does annoy me sometimes.
We have a little fund where we put £20 an month into an envelope and it pays for a nice weekend away for our anniversary. I have to remind him at the start of every single month to put his money in. Last night I mentioned that he hadn't put anything in for the last couple of months and apparently I should have reminded him. I despair.

They’re easy to spot in your twenties, by time you hit the dating pool in your late 30s and 40s they’ve got pretty good at spinning lines until you’ve wasted more fertile years on them and you get to the point where you might just accept it.

When I met my current BF I was flattered he made the effort to always drive to mine, I now realise that was because he lives like a pig and on the handful of occasions I’d go round to his he would’ve got a cleaner in before hand.

Well firstly we need to stop saying shit like "as mothers, what are we doing wrong" because women don't cause men to be useless.

Useless men actively pick partners who let them get away with it. It's targeted behaviour.

And it's going to get worse as more males live at home for longer so how can you see if he is capable of looking after himself if he has always lived in a building with mummy and daddy.

As a young woman would you take a chance on him?

You shouldn't.

Although they are fairly easy to spot.

I'm a single parent to 2 boys. School had a mother's day stall and they made cards in class. They also made me breakfast in bed (cereal, milk, squash). They are 4 and 7. They did this themselves and were so excited to do it. I do sometimes wonder if I would have had a worse day if I was reliant on a partner to organise them! I wonder if they will continue to make an effort as they get older - I imagine secondary schools make a lot less effort than primary schools on this front simply because it doesn't fit into a specific subject lesson.

Yes, your partner should make an effort, but if you know that your partner is unlikely to organise anything, don't wait for them to meet your expectations and have a disappointing day. Just say "I want to go out, can you book lunch?" Or "You need to help DC pick out/make a gift so they have something to give to me on Sunday".

So many issues on mumsnet could be avoided by a very quick conversation.

If you have reminded them and they still let you down, then maybe you have bigger issues.