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Original poster

Parent Pay Details

136 replies

Kingof93 · 01/04/2025 11:07

Just would like some input on this.

Im being asked to send money to my sons bank account to then go into his parent pay to cover meals and school trips. I have no issue in doing this as I do earn more than his mother. I have asked to be given the details for parent pay so I can send the money directly as I also do not have access to his bank account so I have no proof that the money is actually being used for school meals and trips etc.

To give context I first asked for bank access when the acct was set up (9 years now) and to parent pay when he started at the school. My ex partner has always refused me access to both. I have until now not pushed back on this and now im doing so she is emailing me the same email about paying repeatedly.

I am more than happy to pay it I just want to see where the money goes.

OP posts:
SilenceInside · 01/04/2025 11:36

It is "topping up" her income, because of your shared child. She does not have to provide itemised accounts to you to justify what you give her.

If you disagree with what she's asking for, then go via the CMS and get it arranged formally.

MellowPinkDeer · 01/04/2025 11:36

My ex and I can both access the parent pay account and can both add money. Just contact the school and ask for an additional log in.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/04/2025 11:35

You can't have access to her parent pay account, as it would give you access to her personal information - phone numbers, emails, bank account, payment card details. And as it's possible for an account holder to request a refund of any monies that are paid into an account, fall foul of money laundering legislation. So that's not going happen and if the school find out, they'd immediately need to freeze the account until it's secure again.

You could if you're the #2 contact on the school's MIS and have parental responsibility, ask the school finance department to set up a second payer account.

SilenceInside · 01/04/2025 11:34

Just because she may have paid it already doesn't mean you shouldn't contribute towards these costs.

You can't "have access" to a bank account that isn't yours and where the person responsible for it doesn't want to be a joint account holder with you.

What does " I know for a fact that when my parents have sent money to my son its been denied by the mother." mean? Do you mean she's not passed the money on to your son's bank account, or that she has refused to accept it?

Original poster
Kingof93 · 01/04/2025 11:34

MattCauthon · 01/04/2025 11:26

YOu should be able to set up a parentpay account yourself. If necessary, contact the school and ask them.

However, if you think that paying for his meals and school trips is fair, then does it matter how you pay? The point is that he is still having meals (one assumes) and school trips (also, one assumes). So who cares if you are paying your ex. Do you think she's taking your money and then starving your DS by not letting him eat at school!?

I dont think she is starving them at all. But I know that she has had bills for her car recently and has just come back from a holiday and suddenly im asked for more.

I dont ever question giving it. I always say yes you can have it but can I see some proof this isnt just topping up your income.

OP posts:
BlinkFifteen · 01/04/2025 11:34

@Doolallies My friend's parents were divorced in the 90s. Her Mum would say she needs a new school coat, her Dad would transfer the money to the Mum and she never got a coat. Repeat for lots of other "items" she needed. At 14 her Dad started buying her things directly as well as paying the usual child maintenance. Not all parents are trustworthy.

@Kingof93 Contact the school re setting up another parent pay account for your child and ask for their guidance. That is what I would do. If you are not already on the email list get put on that too so you are informed as to what is going on in school.

Original poster
Kingof93 · 01/04/2025 11:30

Doolallies · 01/04/2025 11:26

Just pay the money to your child’s mother and she will pay parent pay. You are clearly being difficult. Gosh getting some dads to pay is like getting blood from a stone

Edited

Im in no way being difficult. I would just like to know that its not vanishing. I suspect its all been paid already and im being asked for money without reason.

I happily pay for the house and all of the bills and yet suddenly im being asked for more.

Ive had no access to any accounts at any point and until now there has been no requests for more money. I know for a fact that when my parents have sent money to my son its been denied by the mother.

OP posts:
MattCauthon · 01/04/2025 11:27

Also, re school trips in particular - it's very easy to see when those are and how much they cost... if you are added to the school's email list. Which, again, you can do. Which would mean you would receive the notification re the theatre trip next month or the DoE trip next year.

MattCauthon · 01/04/2025 11:26

YOu should be able to set up a parentpay account yourself. If necessary, contact the school and ask them.

However, if you think that paying for his meals and school trips is fair, then does it matter how you pay? The point is that he is still having meals (one assumes) and school trips (also, one assumes). So who cares if you are paying your ex. Do you think she's taking your money and then starving your DS by not letting him eat at school!?

Doolallies · 01/04/2025 11:26

Just pay the money to your child’s mother and she will pay parent pay. You are clearly being difficult. Gosh getting some dads to pay is like getting blood from a stone

FidosMum84 · 01/04/2025 11:24

As far as I know there can only be one set of bank details on a Parent pay account. But you can set up another account for the same child. You can Google how to do this.
For our school it’s more than just school meals and trips, it’s to pay for event days, books etc so two accounts seems the sensible solution. School might have to confirm your account.