Parent Pay Details

Email the school directly and they can send you a code to set up Parent Pay.

You can order birth certificates, you don't need anyone's permission, it just costs a few pounds. It's easy if you know the date and place of birth, if it's in the UK.

Still confused but like pp said you should be able to get a log in for the parent pay account, but even if it has already been paid why does it matter if you pay after and she uses it for her car?

So, instead of solving the issue for the benefit of the children, you are just going to bleat about how she is being unfair?

And before you get on your high horse about how as a man you're being treated more meanly than a woman would... rubbish. women are routinely told on here that they just have to suck it up if their ex is being a dick. that yup, it's not fair, but there's not a lot they can do about it. Although, I'd ask a different question - why is it that you aren't willing to pay th emoney or put the effort in for a birth certificate, but you expect HER to track it down, and give you HER copy with no guarantee she'll get it back, at which point she then has to do the work to order a new copy? Or a third question - perhaps she doesn't want you putting money for the chidlren into a bank account she can't access? She needs the money to pay for things NOW, not as a saving for later and you seem to be suggesting you'l put the. money into their accounts rather than hers. That's not terribly helfpul for day to day costs, is it?

So decide what you are willing and able to pay and, assuming it is at least the equivalent of CMS or more, pay that. Stop demanding receipts - you're clearly not goign to get them. If you think school meals is something you can and should pay for - contact the school, check the menu, see what the price is, and transfer sufficient cash for your DS to eat xx school meals per week.

And yes, if you want a birth certificate and she won't give it to you, pay the £12 to order a new one. And if you want to know what the real cost of school trips is.... get yourself added to the school's email distribution list so that you can receive the same information she does and attend the same meetings about what is happening as she does. Stop being so passive.

It is not unreasonable for you to get your own copy of the child's birth certificate, that you want. She does not have to facilitate you in this. You can easily achieve it for yourself for a few pounds, why on earth wouldn't you do it? And it reduces the need for you to interact with your ex, so I'd have thought it was a win-win.

This is confusing , you offered for a year and she said no. She is now asking for your help but you are suspicious of this and what she’s doing with it? Assuming he eats at school and has school trips this needs paying for anyway doesn’t it?

Blimey. She's not putting up barriers, she doesn't have to give you the original of the birth cert when you could get a copy for about £10 I think. Help yourself out here.

Why not go through CMS? If you begrudge this then I honestly don't believe you're spending above and beyond what you'd be legally liable to pay out of the goodness of your heart. This way it's formalised and no back and forth and asking for top ups- I'm sure you've already considered this though.

You can get a copy of your own child's birth certificate yourself, you apply online for a small fee. You don't need the mother's permission.

You know you can just apply for a copy yourself?

Sorry OP, but I'm getting major "I'm the victim becuase my ex won't do whatever I want whenever I want even though I could actually step up and do it myself" vibes from you.

Yes, so perhaps she thinks that actually, she's out of money because she's been paying for all the school meals and all the school trips and has realised that actually, it would be good if YOU paid some of those, which is only fair. and then she will have more money, yes, that she can use to fix her car.

A more helpful solution would be for you and her to agree what costs there are for the children over th eyear (or do it by term or by month - whatever works), and how you will split that, and then you simply pay your half directly to her. Assuming she is the one doing all the admin of ensuring the parentpay account is topped up or the children get to go to their activities.

Or are you only willing to pay for school meals and school trips under certain conditions?

this mindset from men really really winds me up. You pay your share. Yes, that reduces the burden on HER and yes, gasp, maybe that means she has a little spare cash to go to the pub or get her hair done. But that's not becuase you are subsidising her. It's because she's no longer paying ALL the bills for the children and therefore actually has some money for herself.

I share a parent pay account with my ex. We've each got our own bank cards on there so that he can pay for breakfast club (which only he uses) and I tend to pay for everything else because I'm more organised and like to settle the payment requests when they come in. He can't see anything confidential as there's nothing else stored on there, it doesn't show my bank account details, and he already has my address and email address so there's nothing to hide. Obviously this wouldn't work for exes who have issues.
If you can't get access to the parent pay account, or your son's bank account, you can set up a separate savings account in your son's name and you and his grandparents can pay into there, @Kingof93

Do. I can’t see his saved cards or anything so it’s not like we share one account like a previous poster has said, but they are linked somehow so it’s shows all the kids things and we can both pay direct for stuff.

You absolutely can. We do it. I am not sure if it’s the same but it shows the same re the kids and the balance when he adds dinner money etc is shown to me as the kids balance. So you absolutely can have access to this info and pay direct.