Parent Pay Details

She is absolutely going to get less -through the CMS So she’s literally had it made this whole time he is paying the mortgage and bills and giving her money when she asks for more!!

Completely untrue. Dh and I both have access and put payments on dc accounts depending on which of us has time.

Playing Devil’s advocate here but how do you think she feels having to ask you for money like she’s a child? I suspect this financial crisis parent-child dynamic contributes to her attempts to control stuff like the savings account and passports.
You should move to a maintenance system so she can spend that money on whatever she needs and not have to ask you for extra. She should budget that money for trips away or whatever.

You sound very passive - time to take some action. You’re an equal parent and don’t always have to accept what she says because she’s the mum.

Buy a copy of the birth certificate and set up a new savings account that your parents can contribute to and you can see. She doesn’t want to give you access so stop creating drama and be proactive.
Tell her you want the passport back or you’ll take police action. It’s yours and she can keep the kids ones.
Consider getting a Child Arrangement Order to protect your time with the kids and stuff like her being required to tell you if she’s going away for the weekend. Most parents alternate weekends so that they can do things like visit family on their weekends but if she’d prefer another pattern say one weekend every 3/4 weeks then go for that. If you want 50/50 contact then go for it. Dads are regularly granted it as they are seen as equal parents to mums.

She's taking you for an absolute mug.

Go CMS route and then additional costs can be agreed, discussed and split rather than demanded.

You pay for all food and clothing shopping?

Get it all sorted out formally OP.
You're not together anymore and you need to sort some stuff out for yourself rather than expecting your ex to do it all for you.
Contact the School to get yourself added onto their system and get added to parent pay. Get a copy of the birth certificates and set up separate accounts for the children.
Use the CMS online calculator to work out the minimum payment amount and pay it,
If you are able to pay more towards the cost of your children that’s brilliant, they will benefit from this. Your ex is doing the lions share of the child rearing by the sound of things.

If she is the resident parent, you are not topping up her income. Even if she spends the money on bills or home improvements or her car. The money is keeping your child with a roof over their head, food in their tummy, getting your child to and from school/hobbies/playdates/shopping trips/activities. If she is the one ferrying your child around, you should not see this as "topping up her income".

I think the lens through which you are viewing things is scratched. I halved my hours and my pension contributions when i had children. My income is down by half. If I need more money it is because I have effectively spent 50% of my wage before I've even spent a penny. What else I spend comes out of the remaining half-pay. Unless you are spending the equivalent, then I would consider it that she is topping up your wage, because without her being available, how much would you need to spend on childcare, chefs or taxis for the equivalent "services"?

So, time to renegotiate the situation and agree a fair amount of money to contribute towards the costs of your child, rather than stew and get frustrated that you feel you are being treated unfairly.

Contact the school and ask for help setting up an account. Dh and I both had to be sent a code for access to Parent Pay (from school, not the other parent). It isn’t like one parent controls it, or certainly wasn’t for us. For GDPR reasons, the school has to make sure the right people have access to each child’s personal information. Dh and I are married and I’d expect my husband to contribute just like I do, so sounds sensible that you also do. It’s a real bugger to set up and maintain though, and it passes along responsibility to you to manage spending on the account, which is also a pain.

"I don't mind being asked but Its the timing I object to and her refusal to acknowledge just how much she does see of my income that isn't tangible (Streaming,utilities,council tax etc etc) I don't get any contribution for those and she uses them." - see, this is controlling. You want to control the timing of when she asks, and you want an appropriate amount of acknowledgement or gratitude or whatever.

"She drives an electric car which does add somewhat to the electrical bill and yet I pay for that. I wouldn't ask her to help pay for the petrol I use!!!!" - you're not using your car to transport your son around to the degree that she using the car she is driving.

see your point but as I mentioned I put in on the table that I would do it all 5050 some time ago and she said no. So I left it be. I offered to pay half of preschool dinners food clothing the lot and was told "I dont need your help" so I left it be.

I don't realyl understand this mindset and I think this is your crucial mistake and another sign of your slightly odd passiveness that then also comes across as passive aggressive. So... you think you should be paying half, she declines. So surely in that situation, you should just send her the money anyway? Or, put the money aside and then use that when she DOES ask for something?

But if you're goign to formalise contact and also financial arrangements, a ot of these issues will go away. Although be warned - I wouldn't agree to my ex having the DC half of Saturday and all day Sunday every week. I'd want to have some weekend time with them myself. I'd be far more likely ot insist that you have them overnight at least once a week or for 2-3 nights EOW so that the time with them is meaningful and doesn't actually just mean that I'm on standby to look after them.

You can make payments into ParentPay without logging in by using a PayPoint card or barcoded letter provided by your child's school, or by making a payment at a PayPoint shop using cash or card

Contact the school and ask for the bar code. She is a CF, by the sounds of it you pay for enough

Just pay for the stuff your child needs, it's not that hard, you don't need receipts or proof to do the right thing. You just need to know you're providing for your child, as a father should. I'm sure your ex partner is doing way more to contribute to the child's upbringing.

Do you pay regular maintenance? Are these requests extra? Can you come to an agreement on paying half of any school/parent pay expenses?

This is about control not honesty. You simply don't trust her, and your working assumption is that she is fleecing you for cash she doesn't need. Hence only wanting to give her money before she has to pay for things, rather than give her money after she has paid for things. Because you don't believe her that she has paid for them.

You urgently need to arrange a standard amount of money that you pay her, that takes into account all reasonable expenses and pay that monthly on an agreed date. That would be the end of all of this nonsense.

This is just semantics and mental gymnastics.

I'd love to hear her side

Me and my ex both have access to parent pay - this isn’t a hard one. He would still be paying for his children, in a more formal way. He should be able to see his kids when arranged. She should give him access to their birth certificates. He doesn’t need to pay for her car. She is unreasonable in her demands vs the way she behaves and keeps the children in his time.