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AIBU?

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Seeing someone new but white lie?

35 replies

Newuserxxxx · 01/04/2025 10:35

I don't know whether I'm being unreasonable or not. Sorry new here.

I've been in horrific relationships in the past where there's been small lies turned into big lies so I don't know whether I'm over thinking or not.

To keep it short, seeing someone new for a month, met on a dating app.

We added each other on Facebook the other day.

I noticed he posts loads of stuff, football stuff and other random funny stuff when he is at work.

But he has repeatedly told me he's been so busy with work before adding which is why he's gone ages not responding during the day, yet he's posting on social media when he's at work?

I don't expect him to respond to me quickly, I understand people get busy, I do too, but what is bugging me is he's lied, saying he's been so busy doing work, hasn't had time to respond, but posts a few times an hour on Facebook. He's given me a white lie.

Would this irritate you? The fact he's lied about something he has no need to lie about in the first place? It's such a small lie?

OP posts:
ConiferBat · 01/04/2025 10:49

I do think it's a red flag, but I think it's an indicator that you might not be compatible.

As PP said, your texts probably require more thought than reposting a meme or whatever, but nevertheless, it's not sitting right that he makes excuses.
The truth is he's choosing to do other things in his break OR you're not in his thoughts which isn't a great indicator so early in your relationship.

BlondiePortz · 01/04/2025 10:47

ComtesseDeSpair · 01/04/2025 10:39

I can idly check my social media without much thought, simultaneously putting off replying to a personal message which requires more thought to put together. I imagine this man is the same, as are many people. Getting your nose out of joint because you think if he has any free time he needs to use it responding to your messages sooner is unreasonable - but if it’s very important to you that people do so, I don’t think this is the relationship for you. He hasn’t lied about anything, his time prioritisation just means he puts different tasks in a particular order.

Edited

This is me, although I am long term married. I do different things at work not work related and sometimes don't text my husband as much

Nothing against him I am just in a different head space at work, not just him either

ComtesseDeSpair · 01/04/2025 10:47

Newuserxxxx · 01/04/2025 10:42

I'm not fussed he hasn't responded quick, I don't respond quickly either, and if he wants to flick through social media he can, he it's the fact he's told me he's been so busy running round at work, but he can't of been if he's posting multiple times an hour.

I think it sounds as though you need to do some work on yourself and getting over the aftermath of your past horrific relationships and how they cause you to react to situations before starting a new one. You’re going to drive yourself and any new partner mad with things like accusing them of lying over posting on social media when they said they were busy.

People don’t usually mean they had literally not a second to themselves when they say they were too busy to respond to a message. They usually mean “I didn’t have the headspace to do this particular task which required a bit of thought in how I answered and trying to find something clever or witty to say.”

stayathomer · 01/04/2025 10:47

You can absolutely be busy and then click in and out of things but just have a think about how you feel in general about him because if you’re already noticing this kind of stuff he might start thinking you’re checking up on him and you’re going to start a relationship with two people being paranoid

lazycats · 01/04/2025 10:43

A Facebook addict would be a massive turn-off in of itself (it’s not 2007 anymore) but I think you’re overthinking it. It’s been a month, it’s ok to not reply straight away. This happening later into the relationship would be annoying though.

Newuserxxxx · 01/04/2025 10:42

ComtesseDeSpair · 01/04/2025 10:39

I can idly check my social media without much thought, simultaneously putting off replying to a personal message which requires more thought to put together. I imagine this man is the same, as are many people. Getting your nose out of joint because you think if he has any free time he needs to use it responding to your messages sooner is unreasonable - but if it’s very important to you that people do so, I don’t think this is the relationship for you. He hasn’t lied about anything, his time prioritisation just means he puts different tasks in a particular order.

Edited

I'm not fussed he hasn't responded quick, I don't respond quickly either, and if he wants to flick through social media he can, he it's the fact he's told me he's been so busy running round at work, but he can't of been if he's posting multiple times an hour.

OP posts:
JudithWithABigKnife · 01/04/2025 10:40

ComtesseDeSpair · 01/04/2025 10:39

I can idly check my social media without much thought, simultaneously putting off replying to a personal message which requires more thought to put together. I imagine this man is the same, as are many people. Getting your nose out of joint because you think if he has any free time he needs to use it responding to your messages sooner is unreasonable - but if it’s very important to you that people do so, I don’t think this is the relationship for you. He hasn’t lied about anything, his time prioritisation just means he puts different tasks in a particular order.

Edited

That's also fair. I mean, you know this guy five minutes. If this is already an issue, this is definitely not the relationship for you.

JudithWithABigKnife · 01/04/2025 10:39

Well, I think you're asking the wrong question. Someone posting 'funny stuff' and football stuff on FB multiple times an hour during the working day sounds like a bit of a tool, and an under-employed one at that, so that would be what had me deciding not to progress things.

ComtesseDeSpair · 01/04/2025 10:39

I can idly check my social media without much thought, simultaneously putting off replying to a personal message which requires more thought to put together. I imagine this man is the same, as are many people. Getting your nose out of joint because you think if he has any free time he needs to use it responding to your messages sooner is unreasonable - but if it’s very important to you that people do so, I don’t think this is the relationship for you. He hasn’t lied about anything, his time prioritisation just means he puts different tasks in a particular order.

Newuserxxxx · 01/04/2025 10:37

Is this a red flag? I don't want to put myself through not trusting him, I'd rather call it a day than not being able to trust him.

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