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AIBU?

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Original poster

Fed up of reading threads asking how they can get out of paying care home fees.

891 replies

Nextdoortomeis · 01/04/2025 09:51

As per the title.
I'm sure lots of people would like the state to pay care home fees.
But we don't live in a fair world.
Both mum and mil paid nearly £70k in fees
yes I didn't want to pay but I also wanted them to get the best care in their later years.

OP posts:
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10
Icanttakethisanymore · 01/04/2025 10:06

It's the injustice that winds people up, I think - if you get cancer you get looked after 'for free' but if you get dementia you have to pay.

Blackbookofsmiles1 · 01/04/2025 10:06

Our home will be going into trust for my kids, I’m not paying care home fees whilst others who never sacrificed monthly (FOR DECADES) to pay for a property like I have, get it free!

Elunajeya · 01/04/2025 10:04

Same. And it’s the same people who joyfully tell people to suck up paying higher taxes and VAT on school fees.

Julen7 · 01/04/2025 10:04

Biker47 · 01/04/2025 09:55

Going to do my best to ensure my kids get everything I have and not have to spend a penny on care.

How though?

MellowPinkDeer · 01/04/2025 10:04

Biker47 · 01/04/2025 09:55

Going to do my best to ensure my kids get everything I have and not have to spend a penny on care.

That’s cool, you can go to the crappy care home they will choose for you. I hope you enjoy that!

northerneast · 01/04/2025 10:04

MidnightPatrol · 01/04/2025 10:01

I do think it is unfair that if you have assets you can be expected to spend them all on care…

… while if you have no assets, then the state will pick up the bill instead.

I say that as someone who would rather their parents money went on good care homes vs getting an inheritance.

The sums of money can be so large, life-changing as inheritances, so no wonder people ask.

That’s been the way for years. Some people live on benefits, other people work and pay their way. No different in elderly care. You do tend to have more choices when self funding though.

Blackbookofsmiles1 · 01/04/2025 10:04

Maybe it’s because the decades of blood, sweat and tears that goes into buying a house and paying off a mortgage is more hard work than your giving credit. For it then to go down the drain to someone else and not your family makes it feel like the decades spent buying it is a complete waste.

If care home fees were not going towards subsidising someone else in the care home who can’t pay and profit to the owner, I’m sure less people would have a problem with it.

Chemenger · 01/04/2025 10:03

Viviennemary · 01/04/2025 09:54

I can see why it annoys some people. But I wouldn't want all my money and house to go on care home fees. It's total extortion.

It’s not extortion, it’s paying for a service.

Steambeets · 01/04/2025 10:02

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Steambeets · 01/04/2025 10:01

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MidnightPatrol · 01/04/2025 10:01

I do think it is unfair that if you have assets you can be expected to spend them all on care…

… while if you have no assets, then the state will pick up the bill instead.

I say that as someone who would rather their parents money went on good care homes vs getting an inheritance.

The sums of money can be so large, life-changing as inheritances, so no wonder people ask.

WilmaFlintstone1 · 01/04/2025 09:58

Yes it’s understandable that people worry. That said my fil lives in a home which could fund excellent care should he need it. We would sell his house in a heartbeat to get that for him without a backward glance,

His thoughts and wishes would be “that’s for my children” but his children are not owed that nor would any of them want it at the expense of him receiving the best care.

museumum · 01/04/2025 09:58

I am 100% planning to use my house and savings for mine and dhs care. Hopefully Ds will be a fully established adult by then with his own home. I do not understand the obsession with inheritance.

(Obviously all different if we or Ds are disabled young).

Biker47 · 01/04/2025 09:55

Going to do my best to ensure my kids get everything I have and not have to spend a penny on care.

Viviennemary · 01/04/2025 09:54

I can see why it annoys some people. But I wouldn't want all my money and house to go on care home fees. It's total extortion.

nightmarepickle2025 · 01/04/2025 09:53

Yep, we paid 250k, entire inheritance. But should the taxpayer have funded it so we got to inherit? No way!!